Diagnosed anxiety and 12w wait...

[Pearson26]

Hi all

I’m wondering if I can get some reassurance really.

I’ve suffered with anxiety and ocd my entire adult life and, despite being on medication (sertraline) I decided to wean off before ttc. I’ve noticed a massive difference in my mental health (positive!) since also coming off the pill, so I’m wondering if that was a majorly contributing factor.

However, I’m very much struggling with the 12 week wait before our scan. I’m currently 10.5 weeks and so there really isn’t long to go. I’m very much in a negative headspace about the scan and am placing a lot of pressure on myself as there’s a great opportunity to tell family at Christmas if things go well. I’m terrified that things will be bad news and I’m already planning on how to deliver this news to family and friends, and trying to accept that Christmas will be ruined.

To note is that I had a bleed at 8 weeks (red / dark pink for 24 hours plus some clots, followed by a week of brown discharge - was scanned by the EPU and all was fine, saw baby with heartbeat) and then also had about 12 hours of spotting (one single brown clot and some pinky discharge) at 10 weeks. I also had a reassurance scan at 7 weeks which again showed everything to be fine.

The point I’m trying to get to is that I’m struggling to connect with my pregnancy now that I’ve had a few scares; and can feel myself leaning massively towards ‘preparing for the worst’. My biggest fear is that the baby will have stopped growing sometime after 8 weeks, and it’s making me very disconnected in order to ‘prepare myself’ for bad news.

I know there are tons of positive AND negative stories of heartbeats being found and then things being fine / not fine. I guess I’m wondering if anyone has any advice on how to accept that things are out of our hands and to try and think positively?

I’ve always imagined I’d love being pregnant but at the moment it’s just clouded with pre-empted fear.

If anyone has any coping mechanisms or similar I’d love to hear them xx

@Pearson26 I also suffer with anxiety and depression and have been prescribed medication in the past so I have some idea what you are going through. I also imagine the worst all the time and having had 2 MC I have a niggle in my mind that "last time I was right". I'm 23 weeks and still worry. I haven't cracked this by any means but things that have helped me a little:

1 - I have a counsellor. I pay for mine privately but you can get NHS referrals. It helps me to have someone to speak to and to help me focus on the positives.

2 - Writing down positive things. I actually find this really hard! But I make myself write things like "it's always OK to have hope". I take my time on it and do it in nice writing.

3 - Once I'm starting to have negative thoughts the only thing that works is distraction. Work, phone a friend, play a game. Sometimes that doesn't do the trick but even a few minutes away from the negative thoughts helps.

4 - I try not to think about the scans too much as I dwell on them. There's nothing you can do to prepare after all - it isn't a test and having planned for bad news doesn't take the pain away anyway in my experience. It's absolutely fine to dig your head in the sand.

5 - I deliberately didn't choose a date to "announce" my pregnancy. A lot of my friends still don't know. I realise it might be a bit different over Christmas if you're seeing people and this is a personal choice but it helped me not to make a big thing out of it.

6 - I tell DH as soon as I start to worry about something. He helps me put it in perspective before it spirals out of control.

I don't think there is a perfect answer - you can only do your best. And my best some days isn't that great! It's getting easier now I can feel kicks but I still worry and am not as connected as I would like to be.

1.5 weeks will go in no time. Good luck! And if you find a brilliant way to cope do let me know!

I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
It sounds so similar to me. I feel like my default position is that I will lose the baby but occasionally I allow myself to believe there is a chance.
I am doing online counselling to help and a couple of thoughts which gave helped me are

1. Acknowledging a worry but then saying "I dont need to give that headspace now" Easier said than done but it does help.
2. This is the one I am working on this week.

Accepting that actually this anxiety is normal for me and not putting pressure on myself by saying "I should be excited" or "why don't I just not worry" A lot of anxiety is worrying about worrying so trying to move away from that, whilst still acknowledging it, is helping.

Thank you so much for your replies ❤️ I really wasn't expecting such great examples - I'll definitely make a note of some of these. Thanks again xx

Its hell isn't it, take comfort that your scans so far have got you past the riskiest part and things are progressing well. I used the miscarriage reassurance calculator, google it, every day which helped seeing it get closer to 100% chance of not miscarrying.
I used to be so envious of those further ahead in their pregnancies knowing they were past this stage, now I can sympathise with those behind me. It does get so much better I promise

Yes I've seen this (miscarriage calculator)! I'm gutted I didn't find it until recently, it would have made the first few weeks much easier. Totally aware it's just statistics and that every body and pregnancy is different but anything that provides reassurance is very welcome! X