Pregnant and partner not happy

[MeganChar1]

Hi,

Just found out I am pregnant today and partner of 2.5 years isn’t happy about it. I am 28 and he is 26 nearly 27. We live together and have just had our offer accepted on a house. We both have good stable jobs. It’s both of our faults because we weren’t being careful. Partner says he doesn’t want a child yet because he wanted to enjoy more freedoms first and is worried about the impact having a baby would have on finances (we are financially stable). I don’t know what to do because I don’t want an abortion and want to have this child, but I don’t want to do that then have my partner resent both me and them. Does anyone else have experience of this and is he likely to eventually come round? I feel so anxious and alone.

You are having unprotected sex with your partner. Usually pregnancy is the result!
What did he expect would happen?
Have you not talked about if/when to start a family prior to this?
As for hoping he eventually accepts the idea of having a baby, you just never know. Especially if his freedom is one of the reasons. You are clearly not on the same page now so i don't think that will change.
But if you really want this baby then you should try to show him how you see it and how it's doable financially etc... give him time and see how it goes maybe?

You tell him you’re keeping the baby and he’s either in or he’s out. If you abort the baby solely because he tells you to then your relationship is over anyway.

Hi OP

I didn’t want to read and run. Sorry you are going through this. I don’t have any advice to give as I haven’t been in this situate before but maybe just give him some time to come around to the idea? Of course it was a massive shock to both of you but men are never truly ready (can’t speak for all but the majority!)

Good luck with it xxx

Finding out you're pregnant is always a big shock- I've wanted a baby for the longest time ever and when I found out with my first pregnancy (which ended up in a MMC)- I was FREAKED OUT! I just panicked and was thinking to myself what have I done lol I had this feeling for weeks

Maybe just give it some time. You can still have a life with a little one- it might be a bit different but doesn't mean it isn't as enjoyable!

Firstly, you already know what you want to do which is the biggest decision. Understandably an unplanned pregnancy will cause unsurety and panic. My only advice is to sit down and have an honest and open chat, how aborting the baby would make, how it could affect your relationship afterwards, how you could both make it work financially and how a baby isn't the end of the world - but I understand it can feel like it sometimes!

It's a massive decision, but your partner needs to support you mentally during this period. Try to see each others point of views and come to a mutual decision and remain partners or he might not be up to the challenge.

Either way, always do what's right for you.

Z

You say you don't want him to resent you but have you thought about you resenting him if you proceed with the abortion as that is likely to happen. I hope you are ok xx

Hey life happens!
And I don’t think having a baby is a massive expense if your smart about it. Don’t need to pay thousands for a buggy there are cheaper alternatives
Me and my partner are 14 weeks (same thing unprotected surprise lol) living at home and just going to make it work! We have been saving for a deposit for a house so it’s the best way we have found. Having a baby doesn’t swap your freedom, I think it expands it in some ways ☺️

I think this is just initial shock, maybe do research with him about what’s going to happen what’s happening to you now. If your excited then I think it’ll rub off ☺️
My partner cried at the scan and we are so excited. But you know yourself and your partner better than anyone I hope this gives you a bit of relief and that your ok, you’ll be ok whatever happens ❤️

Hi OP, sorry you're going through this. A good friend of mine was in a very similiar situation. Her partner was very against the idea as he is older, has a teenager from a previous relationship and I think was hugely concerned about finances.

Their baby is now 6 months old and his dad is smitten and obsessed with his little one. I think when baby is born, most men will fall in love with their child.

Op it doesn’t really matter if someone else’s partner came round. What matters is what your partner will do. Only you know him. What do you think will happen deep down?

Bottom line is babies are hard, you need to make the decision irrelevant of what he does, you should be willing to go it alone. Are you?

I think he will be a good dad, thanks for all the replies. He seems to be slowly getting more on board with the idea. He’s agreed to come to a private scan next week (partly for reassurance, partly because current rules mean he won’t be able to be a part of the 12 week one). And he’s suggested telling his family on Christmas Day (although I want him to tell them before so they don’t buy me booze haha). I know it’s going to be hard but I think we can get through it if we work as a team. I’m still just letting him come to terms with it xxx

@MeganChar1 that's amazing news

Don’t have any experience in this but just want to say congratulations this is your time to shine mumma ! And big hugs