Anxiety over birth - seeking advice

[Shmerlock]

Hello! This is my first pregnancy and, whilst I am over the moon about conceiving, I am absolutely terrified of giving birth. Some back story might help here... I have suffered with anxiety most of my life, and have had therapy to help me manage it. It may sound strange, but I've had a fear of giving birth from quite a young age. I've always been almost embarrassed to admit it to anyone other than very close family. As a result it's taken me a very long time to even type this post!! But I really feel like reading other people's experiences will help.

I'm now 9 weeks in to my own pregnancy and already feeling consumed by anxiety relating to birth - even dreaming about it. My partner is extremely supportive which I'm so grateful for, but its worrying me how much my anxiety is affecting me already - and I'm scared as to what impact this could have on my baby.

I'm considering opting for an elective cesarean, whilst I know this isn't without it's own challenges I genuinely feel for my own mental health this is the better option for me.

My main question is - is it easy/relatively simple to request this? And any experiences any one else had had with similar anxiety would be massively helpful.

Thank you so much!

I have one of those 'horror stories'. But actually, directly after the birth I was on a massive high. I did and still do think I had a fantastic birth, even though anyone else reading it on paper would probably think I'd failed or that it was awful.

Something that helped me a bit was thinking about all the options I wanted to choose for each scenario. My birth preferences (aka birth plan) was about four pages; not because I was specific in what I wanted to happen, but more that I'd thought about what I'd like to happen in each possible scenario: early labour, induction, different 'emerging' situations etc... so I went into the birth with a very open mindset, but knowing I had various plans and scenarios all mapped out.

And damn if I didn't have an amazing birth (but again, if I wrote it down it would probably look AWFUL to most people). Luckily for me, most people don't matter!!!

I was like you, always had anxiety about birth, properly terrified.
I did have an elective section in the end, but that was because of medical reasons that cropped up. Before that I found hypnobirthing helped. I just bought a book and CD, and also did pregnancy yoga. The instructor was a retired midwife and she was great, she would do a Q&A session every week where we could ask anything and share any updates on our pregnancies. She also did a birth preparation class. If you can find something like that it might help, even if it's over Zoom at the moment. I did use the hypnobirthing techniques even though I didn't have a natural birth. I was able to keep myself calm as I was being prepared for theatre.

Also, elective C section was far easier to recover from than I'd been led to believe.
Home the next day, could pick up baby fine, exercising by 6th week post partum and am now back to my usual sporty hobby at 6 months pp. I know that's not everyone's experience but if you're reasonably fit and healthy chances are you'd be Ok.

Siobhan Miller (from the Positive Birth Company) wrote a book called Hypnobirthing which I found wonderful and really made a difference. My second birth was so much calmer and more relaxed than my first. Highly recommend it, and the techniques are so helpful regardless of what type of birth you end up having (natural, c-section, whatever). All the best to you Op!

Hello!!
Congratulations! I was also so scared about Labour that I just chose not to discuss it with my midwife, I just thought if I don't discuss it, it won't happen... I was wrong😂

Honestly though, the midwives were amazing and totally put me at ease, I had a very hard and long labour, I was in labour for 5 days, but I felt so calm and relaxed that my contractions were manageable until 8.5cm and 4.5 days in!!

Just breathe and know your in the best hands!!

Good luck OP, it's amazing being a mummy!💐

Absolutely take control of the situation. Arm
yourself with research. As much as you can, choose where and how you want to give birth (whilst also trying to accept nothing is set in stone). Visit the place you want to birth in. Ask questions. Read lots of positive birth stories. Women who have positive natural births are often embarrassed to talk about them as we’re told we’re shaming women who didn’t have positive birth experiences. People love to share horror stories- have a line and practice using it for when people start telling you stuff you don’t want to hear. Focus on the birth you want to have. Hypnobirthing is amazing and will give you lots of techniques to use no matter how you birth. Your body was literally made to do this- you can do it. Congratulations.

@Shmerlock I'm 15 weeks and also scared of giving birth, I don't think there are many women that aren't. We seem to be brought up hearing how awful it is, mainly by people who have a couple of children!

So basically I also thought about elective section early on but I'm willing to give anything a go. I trust my body to know what to do and I'm trying not to stress about it too much currently. I'm going to do positive birth co, pregnancy yoga and just stay active. I feel like for every 'I lost 5 litres of blood during a section' there's a 'I ended up with a massive tear' and then there are also extremely positive stories to match these! Everyone's experience is different I guess and some of it does just seem to be luck of the draw, at the end of the day yes it's bloody scary, but the majority of women around the world will do this in their life time and we just have to trust the process!

Pregnancy is dynamic, you may get your heart set on a water birth, only to be told you can't, you might really want a home birth but end up needing a section..think it's just a sit tight and see situation! Stay well and try not to worry too much, you'll be looked after x

I had DD1 by elective section earlier this year. Best choice I made for myself. I was on my feet after 6 hours, home the next day, by day 3 I was walking around fine, and by 2 weeks I felt pretty much back to normal.
Explore all your options then see how you feel closer to the time. There’s no easy way, pros and cons for all options. My doctor asked why I wanted one and then just booked me in. No hassle at all. I’ll be having an elective for my next one too

Just wondering how you’re getting on and what you’ve opted for? I’m about 5 weeks behind you and I’m 100% in your boat, always have been my whole life!

Had 2 natural births here and close to due date for DC3. OP- f you'd like any honest feedback about natural birth please ask/PM me. For me personally by far my worst case birth scenario would be a C-Section.

@sarah13xx hello! I'm doing okay thank you, I'm 32 weeks now and have spent the last few months really trying to work on my anxiety. I've done hypnobirthing and attended a few online classes which all openly discuss birth and options etc. I can't deny I'm still anxious, I think that will always remain! But, I can say that I feel more able to cope and advocate what I do and do not want. I also feel as though my partner is able to better support me too as he has attended all the classes and we've had very open conversations about my fears and concerns. I hope you are keeping well and happy to message privately and discuss more if you ever feel like you want someone to talk too xx

@Shmerlock I hope you find some support with your fears & worries I’m not touting for business but my dd does podcasts/classes etc encompassing some hypnobirthing breathing techniques plus lots of information/education support & help with childbirth you can contact her or look up her podcasts at “moonandstarsbirthing” I hope you find the the support best wishes with your pregnancy 💐

I ended up with an emergency section for this baby and to be honest recovery was fine. I was driving after two weeks. Of course, my experience won’t be universal but I don’t think I could do a vaginal birth.

Well done @Shmerlock for putting in the time to try hypobirthing.

The thing I would add is that people who have a good experience won't talk about it as much because what can you say? We have a funny sort of culture where we can't really talk about it.

Wish you best of luck with whatever you choose!

Due to medical reasons I have had to have a c-section - vaginal birth isn’t an option for me sadly and I always feel like I missed out the opportunity.
First section was fine, recovery fine. 2nd time did take much longer to recover from & I was in a lot more pain - no idea why the difference as others said who knows how it will go.

But whatever you choose good luck

OP, I'll admit I've not read all of your thread but when you're in labour your anxiety will disappear. I had my first in hospital and it wasn't until they wheeled in the little see through cot as I entered the second stage that it hit me that I was having a real life baby! Sounds crazy but I was so excited then and all I could focus on was my body getting the darned baby out of me so I could hold him! This is such an exciting time, try and enjoy it. Yes the thought of labour is terrifying but when it starts your body takes over.

My 'babies' are 22 and 20 now btw!

I think that may be true for you oldtinhat but it isn’t a universal truth.

I raised elective CS because of anxiety/autism with the midwives fairly early on and they said ‘you can chat to a consultant and if that’s what you want, you can have it’. Sadly, after three months of being housebound with HG, I don’t think I also want an extended recovery postnatal period and now I’m thinking about vaginal. Good luck with whatever you choose, OP :)

Many congrats OP, try not to worry, although it is completely understandable, most first time mums are nervous about birth. I certainly was, for me it was much easier than I expected.

And it is totally true that when baby is in your arms, it is soon forgotten.

I have been fortunate to have natural labours twice, I didn’t need pain relief or gas & air.

Good luck and choose whatever is right for you, as long as baby arrives safely and you are ok nothing else matters

How you feel is completely normal, I am expecting my third and still get anxious about giving birth.
You will know how you feel, and as another poster said the body knows what to do and will do everything naturally.
Maybe give yourself time and further into the pregnancy revisit your feelings and make a decision that makes you feel most comfortable once you have explored all options xXx

@Shmerlock aw glad you’re doing well 😊 I’m 28 weeks now, time seems to be flying in! I have a consultant appointment to discuss a c-section (which I’m also terrified of) 🙈 I’m not one of those people who’s scared of needles for things like a flu jab but when it comes to a big one going in my back or the cannula in my hand I’m really dreading that! As you say we are allowed to make our own choices around birth, although I think a lot of people don’t know that. Even if people end up having to be induced, they don’t seem to know that the choice of a section is also there. Waiting to see what this consultant says, I’ve chilled out slightly since knowing I was getting to speak to him eventually. Before that I was waking up during the night worrying about it and ending up on Google again 🙈 There are a lot of good stories about a natural birth! My friend just gave birth and was moved to labour ward at 6pm and he was out within 3 hours. The fact you’re more likely to be up and about after is also more appealing, especially during covid if you’re left in hospital by yourself and have to keep asking for help. Despite all of that though if the consultant approves it I think I’m still going for the section and just hoping I don’t end up going early 😂 Hope yours all goes well x

@lavenderandwisteria you could say that about most of the birth stories people have chosen to share on here though.. @OldTinHat story is still valid and helpful.

OP, I'm 38 weeks and I've done my hypnobirthing course, read the book, practised practised practised, I have days where I feel I can totally do this and others when I have a real wobble and doubt my ability to birth my baby. It's completely normal and what will be will be but be proud that you've made a huge effort to inform yourself and have 'tools' that you can use to help get you through labour as comfortably as possible!

I agree with all the posters that say contractions are the tough part. The pushing stage I didn’t find painful, your body takes over and you just have to stop the fight and go with what your body is telling you to do. It really is quite amazing! And I also felt superhuman for some time after!

I found that staying super focused on my contractions helped, not everyone is the same obviously it I found that looking at the clock in the room and watching the second hand really helped me breathe through each contraction. I knew how long they were lasting and therefore I knew where the second hand had to get to for me to get a quick break in pain!

Please don’t fear an episiotomy, I had one and I didn’t even feel it, they told me they were doing it and honestly I didn’t know at all! I’m so squeamish and so bad with needles, pain, blood etc. I didn’t even register being stitched up after because I had my new baby on my chest and the room was buzzing and high energy and happy!!

I’m due my second baby in 2 months and I’m not worried about the birth. I’m just going with it again and I’m actually excited! It can be an amazing experience.

You have to do what’s right for you though obviously. But you will be absolutely fine however your baby is born, one way or another it has to come out! X