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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Baby1

8 replies

Anonymousgirl22 · 06/12/2020 01:06

My partner and myself are in a long distance relationship and he means the world to me. However I am really wanting to become a mum for reasons that go beyond longing to become one. I am studying atm but after I've completed my education I really want to have a baby. I have suggested that I go to a clinic but he isn't too keen as the baby won't be his. I feel this emotionally but practically I'm unsure. He isn't ready yet he feels he is too young, he has just turnt 22 and I will soon be 25. I'm not sure what to do, I feel like I have a choice to make between having a baby and him. My family feel that I should wait until I'm 30 but the thought of waiting 5 more years is daunting. As a result of this I sometimes feel my partner can't be the one for me but I can't seem to just let him go he means too much to me. What do I do, as I feel I will be unhappy without him and without a baby? I also have the problem that we are unsure about where and when we are going to live together on top.
I also feel like all my friends are so ahead of me with babies and marriage. Thanks

OP posts:
AlexandraB2021 · 06/12/2020 09:21

You are 25, I am shocked that your friends can be that far ahead of you on the baby/marriage front. Even if they are that is no reason to do this yourself. You need to do what is right for you.

Have you actually considered any of the logistics of this. Being a single parents without a job as you are still studying? It doesn't sound very responsible to me.

He is 22 and it is reasonable that he doesn't feel ready at that age; this doesn't mean that in a few years he won't feel ready. I would say if you care for him give him time rather than trying to pressure him into having a family.

Original poster
Anonymousgirl22 · 06/12/2020 23:55

Thank you for your advice

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JustAnotherUserinParadise · 07/12/2020 15:50

I felt super broody aged 23-26 but practially just wasn't ready for a baby (studying, partner not ready etc). We waited until this year (I'm 30 and him 31) to try, having ticked off the big things like bought a house, finished studying, got married, saved some money, and both got full-time jobs (and waited long enough that I'll be eligible for full maternity leave&pay). And I'm so glad we did - having a baby makes you worry about everything so much more, and I'm glad that we have all the big practical stuff sorted.
I know it's hard when your ovaries are screaming about babies, but you're young enough that you can wait a couple of years to have your life in a more "sorted" place.

ivfbeenbusy · 07/12/2020 16:23

Sorry but you don't sound mature enough to have a baby yet

You would be bringing a child into an unstable family life just because you "want" one like they are the latest iPhone and can go and purchase one from the "clinic"

I'd concentrate on sorting your education, job and relationship out first. You are in a long distance relationship and presumably have never lived with this guy before either? At your age long distance relationships aren't really proper relationships - you barely know each other? Certainly not enough to have a child together

Sorry if this all sounds harsh but sometimes a bit of bluntness and a reality check is the best advice that can be given

Original poster
Anonymousgirl22 · 07/12/2020 21:04

Thank you so much, this is exactly how I feel

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DSV20 · 07/12/2020 21:18

Personally I don't think age is any factor in when you should be ready for a child (within reason of course)
My best friend had her first at 18, she is naturally very maternal and was already living with long term partner and this was great for her.
Meanwhile when I was 18 I enjoyed partying and socialising and wouldn't have been ready for a child.
Now I'm 23, feeling more than ready for our first. We both have stable jobs, mortgage, family sized car etc...but then I also have friends who are 25 but still in the same mind set as when we were 18.

It's all to do with your mindset and circumstances over age and having a child is definitely something you shouldn't feel pressured into because your peers are doing so. Have you spoke to your partner as to when he thinks he would be ready or if there are certain things he would like to "tick off" first?
Try and consider your partner and how he feels and you never know he may come around to the idea

Original poster
Anonymousgirl22 · 08/12/2020 20:55

Thank you, yes I think he will hopefully

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Original poster
Anonymousgirl22 · 08/12/2020 20:57

Thank you that's exactly how I feel

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