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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

DH doesn't seem interested in me since pregnancy

10 replies

GooseWhiskers · 02/12/2020 12:39

I think I'm just looking for a bit of a hand hold.

I'm currently about 10 weeks pregnant with a planned baby. DH was utterly thrilled when we found out and talks often about plans for the future with our new addition, which is lovely.

My issue is that since I became pregnant, he hasn't come near me once. I feel quite uncomfortable in my skin anyway at the moment as I'm very bloated a lot of the time and feel sick every evening, and now it's making me feel as though he's not attracted to me anymore.

He's never been a very touchy-feely person (we're not handholders or cuddlers) but I don't think I can pinpoint a single time in the past 2 months where he's said something nice about how I look/given me a hug unless I'm feeling sad etc.

I fell over the other day and was quite shaken up afterwards - nothing major, just a cut up knee, but after he realised there wasn't any serious damage he's just left me to it. He asked why I was limping this morning (the scab came off and was really gross and sore) and when I explained he said 'you're acting like you've broken it - it's just a scratch!' like I was some silly child.

It sounds quite pathetic now I've written it down, but last night I cried myself to sleep after he came to bed and sat on his phone and ignored me completely. I was on my side facing him and he just blanked me, like I wasn't even there.

I feel a bit like now he's successfully got me pregnant, my role as a partner is done and now I'm just a mum Sad

I'm planning on speaking to him about it tonight - don't even really know where to start and I'm so tired at the moment I think it'll just make me cry!

OP posts:
Parkandride · 02/12/2020 12:54

Oh you poor thing, no wonder you're so upset. No real advice, its very common for either party to go off sex as they're scared of hurting the baby etc. However there's no reason not to be affectionate in other ways. You are not pathetic Flowers

Original poster
GooseWhiskers · 02/12/2020 13:48

Thank you @Parkandride

I do feel quite silly but this is the longest we've ever gone without sex and it's really confused me!

I've obviously got hormones all over the place and my body feels odd anyway, it just seems like an extra blow for him to be so cold with me.

Apart from that he's completely normal, still chatting away and obviously very excited about becoming a dad, I think he's just forgotten that I'm still meant to be his hot wife!

OP posts:
88bowie · 02/12/2020 14:24

Just have chat with him, he may think you don't want to have sex if uve been feelin unwell, many man feel that they may hurt u or baby ( 🤦‍♀️ like they are goona poke baby in the eye ), maybe try making the first move ?

Yeahnahmum · 02/12/2020 14:28

Talk to the man damned! Communication is key in any relationship op. So talk. And find out whats going on

SunnySideUp2020 · 02/12/2020 14:29

Well i had the opposite problem-
DH just wanted us to have our normal sex life and normal cuddle hugs kisses etc if not more because he felt so into us being a family and so close- and i was feeling absolutely horrendous all day and just wanting some space and definitely not wanting to be touched or kissed! He started to get depressed about it and felt left out and unwanted. Which did break my heart.
We ended up talking about it so that we could understand each other better and make some small compromise. Now we finally found some sort of balance but it took some time...

My point is pregnancy is not easy. For us it's the sickness exhaustion moods etc but for our partners it can also trigger some weird stuff, good or bad. I think you really need to talk about it. Not blaming one another, just trying to understand how you are both feeling about this "new" situation. And give each other some time to process everything.

PlanBea · 02/12/2020 14:33

Hi @GooseWhiskers I found it strange going from TTC 3/4 times a week when trying for a baby to suddenly me having to initiate sex. DH said he knew I was suffering with pregnancy symptoms and didn't want me to feel pressured and didn't want to hurt the baby, and I think a little bit of fear that he was finally actually going to become a dad even though this baby was years in the making! After talking to him about it, it really helped though. He's been more affectionate in other ways particularly, stroking my bump, having a kiss or a cuddle, that kind of thing. I just had the chat in a "I'm feeling very unattractive, I would like it if we were a bit more affectionate while I'm feeling like a pregnant, bloated blob" and it went well. I hope the chat goes well for you.

ivfbeenbusy · 02/12/2020 15:29

I've found this with DH - I'm 28 weeks with twins now after multiple miscarriages and 5 rounds of IVF so it's not like these weren't hard fought for babies. He was the same with our DD. Wouldn't touch the bump certainly wouldn't talk to it. I was sad at first but I'm used to it now. Clearly it makes him uncomfortable so I don't want to push the issue - he's otherwise very helpful and considerate

anniebu · 02/12/2020 16:06

Hey dear, it's a great idea to talk to your partner about your feelings. It is sometimes eye opening for another person, because how often we just go with our assumptions. Just say what you feel and what you want him to do and you will feel so much better.

Original poster
GooseWhiskers · 02/12/2020 16:07

Thanks everyone for your advice. I’m absolutely going to speak to him, just waiting for our working days to be over!

I’m sure it’s just misunderstanding of each other’s feelings, I’ve just been stupid and let it get to a stage where I’m really upset and he’s got no idea.

OP posts:
PlanBea · 03/12/2020 10:46

How did you get on @GooseWhiskers?

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