5 MONTHS POST C-SECTION AND PREGNANT

[RoyalMami]

Ok! Please grab a cuppa because this is a long whirlwind of a story!!

My baby, who is my first, will be 5 months in a few days and i found out i'm pregnant again. !!!ARGGGGHHHH!!!! I feel numb and can't put into words the emotions and thoughts flowing through me.

My experience with my first was quite grim and i spent a few months in hospital. There was unexplained bleeding, with huge clots for more than half the pregnancy and when i was not on admission, i was constantly in and out of the hospital, hours on end.

Due to fear of placenta abruption, i had an emergency c-section and baby ended up in the neonatal unit for a few weeks which was very hard on me. OH was quite emotionally distant which i believe was due to fear of the unknown but this continued even after baby was born making it extremely hard going through and getting through it.
Eventually got out of the funk and was so happy with baby's growth and etc.

A few weeks ago however, condom split, took emergency contraception and 2 days later got the depo injection. Test at that moment came back negative but practitioner instructed i take a pregnancy test in a few weeks, which i did a few days ago and it came back positive. !!!!!!AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!

OH immediately opted for abortion but i have my reserve about this, which i voiced and even went on good old google to research the process and how recent c-section might affect the healing process and this put the fear of God in me!

OH has since been distant and i feel stuck again. He's mentioned some valid points; don't risk your life (as i was initially told no pregnancy until after 12-15 months but doctor's now said it's general advice and she won't tell me to have an abortion as my womb is healed and i would just need some extra monitoring), think of your career, how do you have back to back maternity leave, don't be selfish to the baby (our first).

Dear mums, i feel i'm in a lose lose situation and can't seem to find any positives. I really want to keep my baby as i have waited so long to even be blessed with my first ay 30, especially after previous miscarriage and then anxiety of never knowing if i can conceive again or ever nest a baby in my body.
If i stick to this decision, i have to be weary of the first thing my doctor said which is the risk of rupture (can't remember what she was referencing to be honest as i was in a daze throughout our conversation), however i will reiterate the fact that she said there will be close monitoring.

If i decide to abort, what if there are complications? what if i can't have any more kids? how do i get over the emotional and psychological guilt? Please don't judge me as i express my thoughts and feelings.
I've tried and tried to tell myself that i am doing nothing wrong by having an abortion but thanks to my upbringing, no matter how i try to convince myself, i still feel that i would be doing something wrong (my parents are strong catholics!)

Please help me mamas!
Any advice, any literatures, anything at all, i will appreciate it.

And not to forget the fear of what these drugs could do to the foetus as well!! Argh!!! My anxiety has been through the roof!

I did ask at my 6 week check with my first who was born via emcs and the doctor said less than a year and it has to be another cs and babies conceived less than a year after the previous one was born tend to be a bit smaller (for any type of birth). No specific risk to the pregnancy. I actually waited a couple of years in the end.

I fell pregnant when my dd was 6 months old. I was nervous, confused and felt like a bad mum for falling pregnant so quickly. I had a csection with dd due to reduced fluid and a failed induction (was in hospital for 10 days before I went for a section). It was a shitty experience being in hospital from start to finish and i wasnt sire at that point if i would ever have more kids because it was that horrific. I had to beg for pain relief and was discharged without blood thinning injections, posing serious risk to my life. She was born at 37 weeks and weighed 5lb 10oz, she went back into hospital at 7days old because she was dehydrated as my milk had not come in and she had dropped to just 5lb. It was a long hard slog to get her weight up.

When ds was born dd was 15 months old and not walking. I had my second section and had two babies to care for. It was a very hard slog and my stitches opened twice as I was having to lift them both and probably doing more than I should have. My consultant allowed me to go to 40 weeks and was very supportive of a vbac if I went into natural labour by then. I didn't and because they couldn't induce me I had no choice but to have a section as I had lost all my waters again but my cervix did not dilate. It depends on the area you live in and their policies, your consultant and your own individual circumstances as to whether a you would need to have another section.

I did make my life easier for the first few weeks by batch cooking during pregnancy for dd and ourselves. It meant that dh looked after dd whilst I looked after ds for the first two weeks.

I did consider having an abortion and dh said he would support me whatever I decided. I am not super religious but I asked God for a sign as to what I should do and got a very clear one.

No one can tell you what to do, you are completely justified in any decision you make, there is no right or wrong one. Just what you feel works best for your family. Of course I would consider your oh's feelings, wants and wishes but ultimately since you are pregnant it is up to you. I really hope it all works well for you.

I have no experience with the medical side but I felt absolutely no guilt having an abortion.
I had to put my life and my existing child’s life ahead of an embryo. I knew that I would struggle with having another baby whilst my first was so young. It would have put a strain on my physical and mental health, my relationship with my child and my partner.
My child’s life would have been negatively affected if I had continued with the pregnancy. It was a no brainer.

Wow! @ahhanotheryear thanks for sharing.

@Sceptre86 thank you for sharing your experience with me, it sounds like you've done an amazing job! I can only imagine how strong you've had to be for yourself and your family and I'm sorry about your daughter's experience too. I think if i had OH's support like you did, i'll be in a better mental space, which would make deciding what to do easier, rather than feeling pressured to do things a certain way. Especially knowing i would have my parents to rely on as they're fully hands on with our baby now.

I have 16 months between my eldest and both were born by c section. No regrets.

@RunningFromInsanity, thank you for sharing this with me. Can i ask how long it took you to make a firm decision? I'm currently struggling with coming to terms with having an abortion as i feel unjustified. I would have used medical grounds as my reasoning but my GP is of the impression that i'll be fine but as we all know, anything can happen down the line.

@FestiveChristmasLights, thanks for sharing.

I accidentally conceived the day my DS1 was 6 months old. I got a bollocking by the consultant at the 20 week scan/appointment saying they like you to wait 1-2yrars after an EMCS.

I had a very uneventful 2nd pg and my DD was born 14.5months after my first. My son had only been walking for about 3 weeks.

I won't lie, it was fucking brutal at times and my marriage hit the shitter when she was 4 months and I thought I'd be doing it all on my own. We went to Relate and got back on track.

I was offered a VBAC or planned CS. I figured that I'd ruined my tummy so didn't want to ruin my fanjo as well so went for planned CS. It was the best thing ever.

Mine are 3 and 4 now and the best of friends. I'm so pleased they're so close in age. They like the same things, same toys, tv shows etc. They entertain each other from the moment they get up to when they go to bed (choosing to top abs tail in the bottom bunk).

It took us 3.5yrs to have our son so it felt like it was meant to be when I found out I was of again. I felt guilty but it's turned out amazing.

Poor baby... don't get rid of it just because you got pregnant too soon. Take responsibility for your actions I'd say.

Oh sod off Glass

OP, you must do what’s right for you. Don’t have a termination unless you are sure, but if you do, then you should feel no guilt or shame.

EMCS with my first. Horrendous experience afterwards that triggered PND. Fell pregnant 8 months later. Had another baby. Life is tough atm but beautiful too IYSWIM. You've got to do what's right for you and your family.

Hey 🥰 i feel like i wrote this i am in this situation also. Pm me if you like?? Xx

You're likely to resent hubby forever if you go ahead which will potentially break you apart. If you have baby he may come around, or he may resent you and push you apart (sorry that neither option sounds great). I think you have to do what's right for you and everything else will work itself out some how

I think your husband makes some valid points but ultimately it's your choice and it sounds like you are unsure and may need to talk through your feelings to make a decision. My friend had an abortion and was able to access counselling after speaking with her GP, I'm not sure if this is standard practice but I know it really helped her as they were completely impartial so it might be worth a go?

My SIL had 3 sections in 2.5 years - #2 at 20 months then #3 10 months later, not ideal (or recommended) but goes to show it can be done without any major complications.

Thank you all for your encouraging and wise words.

I fell off the MN radar as i was locked out after my last response (had to email them to regain access.)

The last 3 weeks has been an emotional rollercoaster but thankfully i am in a better place and keeping baby. in fact had a scan a few days ago and i'm keeping everything crossed that this experience will be positively different than my last.

@Sal1977 i'm glad everything worked out for you and your family x

@GlassLake thank you for the advice . . . i also had other worrying factors such as the effect of the Depo injection in my system and the morning after pill i had used.

@CausingChaos2 you are right! It was tough but i took the route that i am most sure of (children are a blessing) but as mentioned above, i'm still scared of the effect of the injection and the pill on the development of the foetus. Keeping everything crossed.

@duckinatruckwithmuck wow, kudos to you for standing so strong! I hope you are coping well and have a wealth of support, especially during this trying times.

@FirstTM2020 wow, i'm so glad i posted! it'll be great to have someone to walk this journey with. I'll definitely PM you. Thank you for sharing.

@Welliedays oh the practicality of things! I have had so many sleepless nights over this but i am hopefully things will get easier. I appreciate your wise words.

@PinGwyn thank you for sharing. Your SIL sounds like a superwoman!!
I spoke to my GP a few times and she was just so positive (especially from the medical perspective) however remained impartial and put me in touch with counsellors from the abortion side and the maternity side. In the end, it grounded my decision even more not to have an abortion, so i was very grateful to her.

Please keep us in your prayers and send some positive energy our way.
Thank you all once again, I am so happy to have such impartial advice
oooh . . . . and merry Christmas everyone x