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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Useless husband !

14 replies

Miss2820 · 29/11/2020 12:07

Hi ladies

Are all men really like this!l??? I’m 32 weeks pregnant.. just really fed up of having to do everything and then get told I haven’t done this n that. Had a massive argument with my husband today which has made me really Upset don’t think I’ve cried like this before for a long time.. I literally do everything washing cleaning school pick up drop off cooking dinner etc and having few hours sleep... I’m so fed up.. like it’s almost as if he doesn’t see what i do?? And then when he washes up it’s like he wants a merit or something like he has to make a point of it... and then this morning he was flipped out and said why haven’t I put the dishes away?? Why is this here? U could of put it away.. I was like I can hardly bend over to pick and put things away surely u can see that ???

OP posts:

Doublebubblebubble · 29/11/2020 12:35

That isnt normal hun. I dont really know what to say other than maybe you speak to him. Communication is vital especially if this is your 2nd, 3rd baby.

When I had my youngest my partner was helping me put my shoes on, working 39 hours a week and doing the laundry/dishes for me. (I have had some terrible pregnancies so maybe he was worried, he never said he was though) but my friends have also never been spoken to the way you have either. You can only do what you can right now and it isnt going to get easier when bub comes.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/11/2020 12:36

No, not all men are like that. I’m sure you know that? What was he like when you were pregnant last time? He sounds lazy and uncaring and unless this is new behaviour he’s not going to change.

TheDaydreamBelievers · 29/11/2020 12:52

I would maybe move this to Relationships - this doesnt sound like a pregnancy problem, it sounds like a husband who thinks only work someone else pays you for is work.

readyforroundtwo · 29/11/2020 12:55

I'm sorry you are being treated like this Op
As PP have said, no this is not normal behaviour. My OH wouldn't dream of speaking to me in this way even when not pregnant.
What makes him far superior to you that it means he can't pull his weight with the stuff he's having a go at you about? Seems like he's stuck in the 1950's and needs a large kick up the backside into reality.

HappyDaze90 · 29/11/2020 13:55

I would be absolutely livid!! You are 32 weeks pregnant and he is expecting you to do absolutely everything?? I’m 10 weeks and my partner won’t even let me wash my bowl after breakfast.

Does he not realise how exhausting it is growing a baby?! And then lumping everything else on you as well. I would be screaming at him if that was me 😤

ILikeStrongTea · 29/11/2020 14:18

Ask him why he needs a medal for doing washing up in the house he lives in.

Of course all men aren’t like this.

Original poster

Miss2820 · 29/11/2020 14:22

Thank you for all your messages.. this is what he does when he washes up or helps out he makes a big song and dance about it.. I’ve been out the house all day couldn’t really stomach being stuck indoors with him

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/11/2020 14:45

Imagine how much credit he’ll expect for changing a nappy...

Original poster

Miss2820 · 29/11/2020 15:24

I have my own things going on this pregnancy I have got diabetes so I’m trying to sort myself out everyday with testing eating on time etc I don’t have time for this ontop you live here so what do u expect not to do anything

OP posts:

Doublebubblebubble · 29/11/2020 16:08

@Miss2820

That's gaslighting.

You need to speak to him about it.

Original poster

Miss2820 · 01/12/2020 02:00

So thought I would speak with him after waiting a day, but god that was a mistake. I just told him how he should no himself to help me I shouldn’t need to tell him when he can see I can’t even bend down let alone empty the washing machine etc.. went from one extreme to another about how my face is like a slapped arse I’m un greatfull I don’t look at what he does for me or us??? I just said I don’t ask nothing from you I don’t ask you for money..no point in telling or explaining anything when you don’t understand there isn’t any point..then he just basically slagged me off and said my mum had 4 kids she cooked and cleaned up etc.. I said I do everything cooking clean up when I can while I’m working school pick up drop offs.. food shopping doing the washing bathing my daughter school homework making dinner.. I don’t understand what more he wants me to do?? Not once he’s ever said you stay in bed I will sort little one out or I will drop her off today and get her don’t worry. All I got was a load of abuse and then right at the end got told to F off out the house.. now I’m up wide awake can’t sleep got sharp pains in my leg..

OP posts:

Arrowcat · 01/12/2020 02:18

I'm 32 weeks pregnant too. Big hugs because it's so uncomfortable isn't it. Doesn't sound like he's got much respect for you love. Our house is a state most of the time. Dishes done, food and laundry etc but takes me twice the energy to do it and I've decided to leave the toddler toys because that's a battle I can't win. DH I know is stressed by it but doesn't say a word - just does what he can too. (Although you ought to see what he calls hanging the washing up). Because he sees me struggling and knows I'm trying. Alot of people on here seem to have these miraculous partners who tidy up like women do. IME it's not the same as me doing it but I don't care as long as there's recognition of my load.
You need to sit down with him and set some boundaries before baba arrives and you're stuck to a baby youre trying to feed and can't put down. It's perfectly reasonable to say look the house is going to be a mess for a time because your child is more important. If you need it to be tidy for your mental health we need to budget for a cleaner. And breathe. If he gets angry at you saying this calmly he's telling you what kind of man he is.

Original poster

Miss2820 · 01/12/2020 07:31

@Arrowcat

I'm 32 weeks pregnant too. Big hugs because it's so uncomfortable isn't it. Doesn't sound like he's got much respect for you love. Our house is a state most of the time. Dishes done, food and laundry etc but takes me twice the energy to do it and I've decided to leave the toddler toys because that's a battle I can't win. DH I know is stressed by it but doesn't say a word - just does what he can too. (Although you ought to see what he calls hanging the washing up). Because he sees me struggling and knows I'm trying. Alot of people on here seem to have these miraculous partners who tidy up like women do. IME it's not the same as me doing it but I don't care as long as there's recognition of my load. You need to sit down with him and set some boundaries before baba arrives and you're stuck to a baby youre trying to feed and can't put down. It's perfectly reasonable to say look the house is going to be a mess for a time because your child is more important. If you need it to be tidy for your mental health we need to budget for a cleaner. And breathe. If he gets angry at you saying this calmly he's telling you what kind of man he is.

Thank you for your kind words.. personally don’t want to speak to him I said what I did yesterday and he’s old enough to realise his mistakes I’m not his mum who needs to tel him or guide him.. I got my own issues in this pregnancy there is no support it’s just about him, and now this morning he’s like I will drop her to school ? Why now? What because you called me all the names under the sun and now you think it’s okay ? But the last 3/4 weeks when I’ve been struggling you couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed and was more concerned about your sleep

OP posts:

SunnySideUp2020 · 01/12/2020 10:47

@Miss2820
Honestly he doesn't sound great, but you already know that.
The problem is, if you have always been doing everything and suddenly you're asking for a change it comes as a shock for some men.
Usually their mum was doing everything for them before or exes or whoever was in their lives.
He shouldn't call you names because you are tired of doing everything and complaining, but that's probably another relationship/character issue.
That being said, you should accept his help if he offers now. Some people get very irritated being told what to do and become very defensive (in the form of attacks) but eventually realise they are in the wrong.
Seems like he does want to help after all now?
I know it's hard but try to show a little bit of appreciation that he's doing it. Otherwise it's just an endless fight and toxic environment.
If you plan on staying with him, accept his help and encourage him by saying that you appreciate... try to be the bigger person (for the sake of your daughter and your own peace) and don't give into the rage, it won't solve anything!
But yeah, i feel your pain. All my sympathy

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