A small cry and handhold please

[icedaisy]

Very self indulgent moan.

I'm due baby two Xmas day, but will be section maybe around 17th.

Both dh and I have two siblings and parents.

Just spoken to both lots of parents and because I'm going to be "resting" they are going to bubble with siblings on each side.

That's fine, I get that, days of catching up and drinking is not what I need to be doing.

But I feel so sad about it. So Dd will see nobody. Nobody will see baby, nobody will be able to offer a help or a walk. I will just be at home with baby and toddler alone. Dh can pop in and out but is a farmer so needs to feed animals regardless.

Sometimes I just feel so alone. Even though it makes sense and blah blah. . Needing a cry today.

That’s rubbish OP, I’m sorry.

Have you said to your parents that you would actually appreciate the support? They may think they’re doing the right thing for you, it’s possible they just haven’t realised what you actually need / want. It might be worth having a chat about it.

If they don’t want to change their plans then I would make sure you have everything on hand for a really indulgent, quiet christmas. Lots of delicious but very easy to prepare food, toys or films to keep your older girl busy, lovely snuggly loungewear or pjs etc. Make sure you look after yourself and make your life as easy as you can

That’s so awful OP. You won’t be resting with a toddler and a born, could you talk to them and explain you’d like a hand?

What about your in laws?

Thank you both. Just had a lie down and a howl as toddler napping.

Now looking at m and s book with a marker pen.

Normally we are at mums Xmas eve till after lunch then Inlaws for rest of day and Boxing Day.

They both just said much the same, I think they had spoken, namely that I wasn't to be upset but that they really needed to make it about the kids (nieces and nephews X two or three each sibling) and this was the fairest way. Mil said I wouldn't be up to the noise or chaos. Mum said I shouldn't be thinking about Xmas this year and should be grateful about baby.

I am grateful. Dh and I tried for fifteen years to have children, then Dd came along. Now this one. However I had chronic post natal anxiety and still struggle.

Poor Dd is only little and misses everything.

I will make it nice for her but I just feel so unwanted and lonely.

Can they take your toddler for some of it so she can see her cousins and you can get some rest?

@LyingDogsLie1 I haven't asked. Is that allowed? She would increase them each to four households. Maybe under 12s don't count. So that's possible.

They have not offered though, and I'm now feeling a little scared of mentioning it again.

Are you in England? Anyone with a child under 1 can now (as of next week) form a support bubble. So you could bubble with one set of parents, meaning you’re considered one household for socialising purposes. They can come to you, you can go to them, you count as one household for the Christmas bubble rules.

I was going to say the same as @newlockdownme, form an under 1 support bubble.

No Scotland.

It will be fine I'm sure. Im just feeling hurt today and wanted to put it somewhere without falling out with them all.

Will childcare bubble still be allowed? If yes, can you ask someone to mind your toddler while you rest with the baby?

Do you mean a friend?

I suppose I'm in that poor me stage. So let's say sil having baby, I would be like how can we help, let's take nephew out, send food etc. They are all like let's sort Xmas but without you.

Sometimes feel like I'm the helper in the family and never the helped. That's life I guess.

Anyway will get a grip and not mention it to them again. I'm fairly sorted for Dd Xmas so will focus on that and making it special for her.

Being in the poor me stage is absolutely understandable! Definitely a good idea to look at how to make Christmas at home fun - maybe order some ready prepared food (all the supermarkets have their Christmas ranges, our local pub is doing Christmas food hampers) so that there’s not too much cooking to be done?

OP that's terrible. Do they not want to meet baby? I'm so confused, I gave first during lockdown 1 and my mum and in laws were DESPERATE to see the baby and help with DS1.

*Gave birth