Pregnant after mmc and not coping well

[Candyflosscrochet]

Hi ladies
Mumsnet has been such a support that I'm hoping to absorb some more positive vibes off you all!
I'm nearly 8wks pregnant after a mmc at 8.5wks in June.
I had a scan on Monday, dated exactly as thought and heartbeat seen.
But....I am now beyond anxious and nervous and sleep deprived and generally beside myself as I seem to be reliving my mmc.
I just can't shake this feeling something will go wrong with this one. I have no confidence and can't relax or start to enjoy it yet.
I have symptoms...sore boobs, feeling nauseous, insomnia, but I had all this with the last one. This time round I have hardly had any cramping whereas before it was awful until I found out I'd miscarried.
I have the nipt test booked in a few weeks which unfortunately is the day of my youngest birthday (only date they could do when hubby is about) but I was so terrified of finding out the baby had died on that day that I've booked another scan for the week before.....at least that will give me a week to do something about it and birthday and Christmas can be the recovery.
I am very fortunate we can afford this and (probably) due to hormones, I am so angry and sad that women who have had a miscarriage are not given NHS scans early on as standard.
So to the ladies who have been in this situation, how did you cope? How do start to relax and enjoy it?
Any tips or advice?
Is it a case of reaching those relevant milestones until you have baby movements to reassure you?
I feel more sick with worry and I know this is not healthy at all for my family or baby. I just can't seem to get over the negativity. My hubby and family are amazing, and I know what will be will be, but I don't want it to be....I want this baby, I don't want to lose this one too, we have agreed this will be the last chance as we can't go through it again.
Xx

I’m in a similar position. I had a mmc in July.

I’m currently 16+5 and even now, I’m terrified, & not too confident. I think once I feel baby move, & when I go over that 24 week line I might calm down a little bit.

I wish I had advice for you, but I think all I can offer is that you’re not alone.

Could you perhaps talk to your midwife?

@Candyflosscrochet hello, sorry you have been feeling this way. I am in a similar position too. I had a missed miscarriage in Feb this year and I am currently 17 weeks pregnant. The first few weeks were horrendous. I couldn’t sleep, was googling a lot... I kept going to the toilet to check if I was bleeding, I was constantly checking if my boobs were sore etc. I needed to speak to someone and I self-referred myself to “Talking space”. I didn’t wait too long and I was given a session a week online. It was very helpful. Ive crated a plan with my therapist of things to do everyday to take my head off it. I’ve also booked some extra scans to get reassurance. I am going to be honest and say the fear of having another miscarriage doesn’t go away easily. Even today I had a appointment with my midwife and as soon as she said she wanted to listen to baby’s heartbeat I was in tears from stress (she found it easily) so please look after yourself, don’t google too much, take one day at the time. I’ve also listen to some positive affirmations/ meditation for the first trimester on YouTube even few times a day and it was something that helped me the most. I hope it goes well for you. Keeping my fingers crossed. I am here if you need to talk xx

Hey there, so sorry to hear you're feeling this way I can totally relate as I had a mmc back in may and fell pregnant again very quickly after and I felt exactly the same, I think unfortunately it is just natural feelings that come with it but I am now 25 weeks and baby has been fine throughout although I'd always convince myself otherwise! Unfortunately I was worrying pretty much the whole pregnancy up until 20 weeks when I started to feel her move and it's a roller coaster of emotions until then I think. I still worry now but it honestly does get better! all I can say is try your best to keep positive and I hope you all the best! wishing you a very healthy pregnancy! Good luck

I felt like you during this pregnancy. It's my 4th. I have a 2 year old son and then 2 mc. Both happened about 8/9 weeks. For this baby the 8th week was unbearable.

I refused my booking in appointment until 10 weeks as I felt it was a waste of time. With 2nd mc it started the day after my booking in appointment.

So what helped - private scans at 8 and 10 weeks - small things to keep me going. Then scan again at 12 weeks with Nhs.

I genuinely didn't think we would get this far - now 31 weeks and still only started to feel it might be real by 30 weeks.

So once you get to 20 weeks and movements start - it will get better. Till then it's a game of week by week

I know how you feel. I had a MMC last October then another MC at 10 wks in the summer. I have my booking scan today.

I’m very lucky that because i have a history of recurrent miscarriage I am under the care of a consultant - she scanned me at 8 wks and would have scanned me at 6 but we were both on holiday. I paid for a private scan at 10 wks and if all goes well today by consultant will scan me at 16 wks too for reassurance. Pre covid our EPU have generally done an 8 wks scan for me (I’ve had 7 MC in total).

I just try to make it scan to scan. It is really hard. I hope if all is well today that I might begin to feel better. This is definitely my last pregnancy and I would love to enjoy it rather than wishing every day past.

Sending hugs.

Hi @Candyflosscrochet I completely understand how you feel.
I had a MMC at 10 weeks which wasn't picked up until the 12 week scan. Thankfully I went on to have a healthy DS, but I was an absolute nervous wreck my whole pregnancy and used to cry and shake at my scans out of sheer anxiety. I am now pregnant again, 10 weeks today and have a scan booked this morning to check all is well. I think when you've suffered a MC OR MMC you will always have that dread. Last time for me once I'd hit 12 weeks and had my scan I started to relax a bit and then once I could feel him move it was so much better.

Hi, I'm so sorry for all your losses. I had a MMC in February and I'm currently 6 weeks pregnant. I've not been doing to bad with worrying as it's not my personality but I was reading your comments as I was looking for information on scans. I was wondering if it's normal to have an early scan or just wait for the 12 week on the NHS? Also if you have had it privately how much roughly and how did you do it?

TIA

I'm sorry for your loss.

I think you need to book some counselling to deal with some of your anxiety around this. You have 7m to go; at what point do you think you will feel "secure"?

Stress hormones can be damaging in pregnancy, you owe it to yourself and your child to address this issue.

Thanks for all your lovely comments and sorry for not touching base sooner.
So I am nearly 11 weeks now, nhs scan booked for after Xmas.
I've had 3 private scans now including the nipt test and scan on Monday just gone.
Seemingly perfect little bubba all snuggly and wriggly!
Those scans have done wonders for my anxiety and now I feel much more in control and confident. As I said before, we are fortunate to be able to afford it, but in my eyes, it's money well spent as yes, anxiety in pregnancy is not good. But even if all was not well, for me, being able to deal with it sooner rather than later would have been my preference.
The scans were £70 and the nipt was £400 (That included a much more detailed scan and blood test and analysis).
So I am on top of the world at the moment, starting to grow and looking forward to a much more relaxed and positive Xmas. Hoping to have the results before Xmas but from the scan (done by an x- NHS sonographer with 30yrs experience), all markers appear clear and certainly nothing obvious untoward.
Xx

@User0ne that’s a bit harsh. You can’t tell an anxious pregnant woman the anxiety can be harmful to the baby. Blimey.

My midwife said all mums are nervous and stressed, even if they haven’t had a traumatic lead up to said baby.

The anxiety can make mum feel bad, but baby is so tucked away that as long as blood pressure is okay, baby will be okay.

Maybe she lied to make me feel better tbough 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Candyflosscrochet so glad you’re feeling more secure. It’s a shit situation but you’ve got this mama

So I thought I was doing well and not thinking about last time and then this evening I've had a bit of brown discharge, literally a pin prick size and I've freaked out. I had a full on panic about loosing the baby even though that's not how it happened last time. Now I keep going to the loo to check. Has anyone else had any discharge in any pregnancy?

I am sorry for your loss
I had a mmc at 12 weeks with surgical intervention and then got pg 1 week later totally by accident. It was emotionally very very hard and I didn’t feel i mourned properly. I also suffered from pnd
However, DD is almost 16 and is completely awesome so it did turn our ok. I also have a wonderful ds 12 too
Hope all continues to go well x

@Candyflosscrochet I'm glad you've got your scan booked it. I had another miscarriage this evening. It came away quickly and as good as you can hope for. I'm now looking forward to some champagne with my family and a fresh start in the new year! Good luck to everyone on here 🎄

@peacheswife I'm so sorry to hear that. Sending you hugs. Xx

We have a thread for those of us who are pregnant after MMC. Its full of ladies who feel all those anxieties. Its wonderful for support and understanding. Think we are on thread four now. I will try and post a link!

Sorry I cant figure it out @Candyflosscrochet but its Pregnant After MMC- Thread 4. Feel free to join us! Lots of us at different stages of pregnancy too!