Christmas Hosting - advice please!

[Salty2020]

In the summer I stupidly thought that I would be up for hosting my in-laws (MIL, SIL who is 26 but still lives at home + BIL + partners and a toddler - they all live together whilst BIL’s house is being renovated so no rule breaking) at mine for the day on Xmas eve with my DH. Our first baby is due at the end of next week and suddenly over the last 2 days I’ve had a surge of hormones making me feel like I want December to be me + DH + baby on our own as much as possible. Happy for fleeting visits for an hour or so but no big gatherings or extended visits.

My parents are coming over to cook Christmas dinner for us at ours on Christmas Day, and we are seeing the same in-laws on Boxing Day (at MILs house). My parents are very chilled, and I feel really relaxed BF/napping if I need to whilst they’re here.

I have expressed my concern about hosting at ours on Christmas Eve to DH, explaining I just want to be in our baby bubble as much as possible and that it won’t be the experience I’d like to provide everyone with if they come over on that day, and that we do have Boxing Day with his family. He isn’t pleased and says it’s not healthy to want to hide away and he isn’t prepared to tell them we’ll just see them on Boxing Day only. He said he will sort all the food etc.

Has anyone had any similar situations and can give me some advice? Am I being unreasonable to request just the one day instead now? I just thought DH would totally understand and agree to the one but the fact he hasn’t has really made me sad as he doesn’t get it. I don’t even know if I really get it... I just feel overwhelmed already and my baby isn’t even here yet.

Sorry if this seems really petty. I just feel quite emotional and protective of baby and want my little 3 or 4 week of new baby bubble to be special and stress free xx

I think you’re perfectly reasonable and entitled to want to have one day of your very new baby’s first Christmas just as your little family unit, especially given the numbers of his family and that there are toddlers involved! Even if he does all the cooking you are probably going to be constantly mithered by people wanting to hold the baby do it still won’t be relaxing for you

Who out of your in-laws can you get on side? Maybe ring your MIL and explain your change of heart? It’s totally reasonable to want some time to yourselves. And you’re seeing them on Boxing Day, so it’s not as if you’re excluding them completely. I hope you work something out.

Isn’t this all totally against the rules unless you’re not in the UK?

I think I would say if this was your Christmas get together with the in-laws I would maybe encourage you to to it but much more casual. Premade food rather than a sit down dinner etc. But since you are seeing them on Boxing Day then I don’t think it really counts as hiding away like your husband said since you are still going to be seeing everyone!

I agree with PP, could you mention to MIL or SIL that you don’t feel up to it anymore? Maybe they could host and you could pop in for a shorter amount of time.

@Mamagotskills the current rumour is 3 households will be able to bubble over Christmas. Not official yet but if that’s what comes into force op won’t be breaking the rules.

Yes, I believe it’s been announced so not a rumour but OP+ Parents + PIL/SIL + BIL family = 4 households so against the rules?

If your baby is 10 days overdue, they could just be a week or so old by Christmas, right? If you are breastfeeding, that could be an intense time for trying to establish feeding. I spent a lot of time topless or in limited clothes for the first few weeks of my daughter’s life, as we tried to get the hang of breastfeeding. That is worth pointing out to your husband. It is also worth playing by ear I think. We hosted a lot of family for a day when our daughter was a week old and I was nervous about it in advance but was so glad of it on the day and afterwards. That being said, it sounds like it could be three full-on days of visiting with a newborn. I’d say it’d almost be easier to have people in your own house than go your MIL’s.

@Mamagotskills OP said that the SIL & BIL are living with the parents while their house is being done so all one household.
Then on Christmas day it is OP's parents coming so one other household.

Sorry! Totally read that as SIL, as you were...

FWIW I’d see them on separate days, you’ll be knackered

I am feeling exactly the same as you @Salty2020!! Baby due next week and we agreed for Christmas to have people here Xmas Eve, my parents Xmas day and in laws Boxing Day and now as it gets closer I’m feeling overwhelmed with it all.
We’ve agreed to just see how we’re feeling and given a set time almost for Christmas Eve of 2 hours saying we want to be starting our own family traditions but know people want to see baby so will be having visitors but only between 2-4 for in laws and 4-6 for my family. Limiting of households has made it so we’ve been able to say no easier and manage timings so we don’t have too many visitors all at once but I know your situation is different! Would a set time for Christmas Eve maybe help you feel better as well as still seeing people? Ultimately though I think you’re the person who is going through giving birth and will likely still be recovering, so if you decide no visitors on any days it’s fair enough and your OH and family will just have to understand and be happy you can have Boxing Day together.

cancel, cancel now so they can make other plans. Enjoy some time to yourself. They'd be pretty poor guests to impose on you under the circumstances actually.

Cancel. My first was born at that time(19 next week). Due to complications at birth we both spent a week in hospital. I just about managed to make it to my mum's for Christmas Day lunch (lived locally), bur spent most of the afternoon napping. No way could I have hosted anything! Is your DH willing to do all the shopping, preparation, cooking and hosting. Because you are likely to be attached to a baby for 30 minutes every 2 hours at best. And no sleep. Save the day for yourselves and enjoy your new baby.

It is absolutely up to you to decide what you feel comfortable with for the first weeks after birth. Your body will have gone through a big upheaval and you won’t know what your physical state will be until after the birth. I don’t mean this in a scary way, even the most straightforward birth would likely involve fatigue, aches etc and learning to care for a new baby.

Having said that, maybe keep an open mind. I thought I wouldn’t want visitors at all for the first week but surprised myself with how much I wanted to see some friends and family. I had an episiotomy and heavy bruising so couldn’t sit down comfortably for weeks, but having loved ones visit was really enjoyable.

Everyone who came in those first weeks brought food and stayed for a few hours max. How flexible do you think your in-laws would be? Would they be prepared to bring/make food for you and DH? If not then it has to be a no, it’ll be hard disappointing people but good practice for standing your ground!

[quote luxxlisbon]@Mamagotskills OP said that the SIL & BIL are living with the parents while their house is being done so all one household.
Then on Christmas day it is OP's parents coming so one other household.[/quote]
Yes but the UK rules mean that none of those people can then have anyone else in their Christmas bubble, so for example SIL and BIL couldn’t see their partners’ parents.

Use the new guidance if you need to but cancel now to give everyone time to change their plans.