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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Silly and lame questions - FTM

20 replies

MnM156 · 25/11/2020 00:52

My questions may sound lame and unimportant to some. I apologise for them right now but I am a FTM and have no experience of hospitals here in the UK. I have been told I’ll be having an induction at 37 weeks and may have to stay in the hospital for 2/3 days or even longer. My midwife told me to prepare for at least 3 days. We have been told that my husband won’t be allowed to go out once he comes in so we have to bring everything with us once. I am 35 weeks atm. My questions are regarding facilities at the hospital.

1.	How many bags can I take in? I can’t put everything for myself, husband and the baby for 2/3 days in one small suitcase. Will I be allowed to have two bags?
2.	Is there space on the ward to keep bags? We plan to get a private room after the birth but that is a first come, first serve basis so we might not get one at all. 
3.	Is there a kettle around on the ward where I can probably make a cup of tea/coffee on the ward? It might sound like a trivial thing but I like a cup to help me stay up and so does the husband. 
4.	I have heard hospitals feed the patients sometimes. Is that true? Would they feed my husband as well if he stays around with me? 
5.	Do they have a fridge or microwave around in case they don’t provide any food and we bring our own? 
6.	Is there any privacy on the wards? I mean are all the beds very close to each other or can we get some peace and quiet in our corner? 
7.	I know I’ll be allowed to shower at the hospital but would they allow my husband to shower as well? He’s used to showering twice a day so if he won’t be allowed then I’ll have to mentally prepare him beforehand. 

I feel stupid typing these questions but I didn’t find anything useful related to the subject in previous threads. People talk abt hospital bags but not abt hospital conditions for FTMs. It’s hard getting in touch with my midwife. My next appointment with her is a week before induction and I feel it would be too late by then to prepare for everything.

I know I wouldn’t think of any of this once I go into labour but since it is an induction so the labour might start late and I could be there a couple of days before the action begins and I am a big planner. It helps me stay calm in tough situations if I know beforehand what I am about to face.

P.S: I am in London at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital.

OP posts:
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PFin · 25/11/2020 01:27

So trying to answer you best i can from what ive experienced.
I took 3 bags with me, one for me with enough incase i was in longer than they said was a decent size hold all type bag. one for baby which was a big baby changing bag again packed for extra long stay and another bag with things like breast pads, maternity pads and a few other bits i couldnt fit in to other bags.

Private room you will have enough room for bags, a ward with be much tighter but I mean you are going to have stuff your gaving a baby so they will need to make room so as long as you dont go over board (over 3 maybe) there will be enough room.

I had a hot water bottle throughout labour which midwives filled for me and my husband often took it to the staff room to be filled but there was no such kettle for patients use. Same as microwave and fridge there was none. But ask your hospital they could have a we tea room for patient use but I wouldnt be hopefull.

Yes they feed you. Breakfast mid morning usually a tea with a biscuit then lunch with another tea and biscuit offered between and then dinner with another tea and light supper if your hungry like toast offered later on. Your husband probably wont be a priority he may be offered a cup of tea and busciut, they might even offer him a dinner if ones spare but they have no obligation to feed him. Lol before covid the husband can come and go within permitted times so can sort themselves and can bring you food in but obviously with covid who knows what restrictions will be in place.

Unfortunatly the wards arnt very private or big, there may be 4 or 6 patients in the same ward with nurses, doctors constantly coming through, all you have is a curtain to pull round.

No your husband shouldnt be showering.
If you are in a private room he may be able to sneak a shower but if you a sharing a shower on a ward he should not go in.
Those showers are for patients, if i was in and i was trying to use the shower and it was being used by a dad i would not be happy lol! honestly with covid your husband being around to sit with you on the ward is unlikely so just prepare yourself for that. He may only be allowed in once your so many cm's dialated then once you get moved from labour and delivery he may be asked to leave.

Its a horrible time to have a baby with covid but just remember it will end. Good luck.

SillyOldMummy · 25/11/2020 02:23

Hospitals vary, but no, your DH can't shower, private rooms often full, and yes you will get food and drinks but none for DH (very rarely there is some spare). If DH wears a big jumper, it can roll up to make a pillow so he can nap by your bed in a chair . Some hospitals do now provide a more comfy chair to let dad rest better.

I couldn't get a private room for my post natal recovery, they were in use.

I had 3 small bags - one for before and during birth, one for baby, and one for myself after birth. Frankly you need a lot of stuff, and there is not enough room. Make sure DH is familiar with what is in each ag, so he doesn't have to rummage.

There is not much privacy on the induction wards, ime. Take headphones and have some films and music downloaded to drown out the noise of other people in pain (Hospital wifi is usually rubbish.) Long slow inductions can get noisy, I was left on the induction ward until I was 7.5cm dilated and had only had 2 paracetamol so I was getting noisy.

Is DH allowed to be there during the induction ? If yes then do include snacks for him, and check if he can visit your hospital shop ( hospital with DS2 had an M&S Food shop in it, fab).

For my first birth, hospital did have a toaster and a kettle in the post natal ward, with bread and spreads and tea available, only for mums to use. The idea was to get you up and walking around. In addition there was a tea trolley. Unless you had had a c section you were encouraged to make toast and tea for yourself. But for my second baby the hospital had no facilities like that.

Usually you choose food from a menu in advance. Spare food arises when a patient moves from one ward to another eg because they gave birth, then the food they ordered on the old ward isn't needed. It will be offered to new incoming patients first, so your first meal or two can be a bit random!

Typically at lunch and dinner there is a choice of soup, sandwiches, hot main meal, fruit, fruit juice and pudding, and a snack to save for later eg biscuits or crackers, you can select what you like. You get a jug of water that is frequently refilled. I had a supply of cereal bars and fruit in my bag as backup. Hospital food isn't amazing, but I always found the sandwiches okay.

Your hospital probably has an online video tour of the facility , most do due to covid - ask your HV. That will answer most questions.

Post natal wards are strange places. You can pull the curtain round for privacy. People try to be considerate ime, eg avoid noisy phone calls, but they are busy places. At night the other babies can disturb your precious sleep. The aim is generally to get discharged asap, as being there is exhausting, but use the time well to get help, in particular if you plan to breast feed, take every opportunity to ask a nurse to oversee your baby latching, there's a knack to it and once you get it right, it sets you up for success.

You are absolutely right to plan for a long stay. Inductions can be slow. My first was about 32 hours from arriving at hospital to giving birth. My second was quicker - just 16 hours.

I think the best advice I was given was, make your plans, and then be prepared to throw them out of the window. Planning helps you feel calm and prepared, but don't get too hung up on the plan. I wanted a fully natural birth for DD1, but i had an induction and there was a rush in maternity in the hospital so I ended up labouring in a regular labour room, got so tired I couldnt cope, had an epidural to help me over the line. Semt home next day. With second baby I had to be induced again, ugh, this time I did some hypnobirthing techniques and gave birth just on my 2 paracetamol and loads of gas and air (great stuff) - recovery was a lot easier for me but the baby had some difficulties so I was stuck in hospital getting the baby checked out for three miserable days, I could not WAIT to get home by the end of those three days!

Good luck, OP. Xx

flissity · 25/11/2020 02:33

Sorry I can’t write loads as now about to go back to sleep!
But my one tip from your list of questions. Pack snacks and drinks for you both. But get your husband to pack a substantial amount for himself as he won’t get fed. It can be a long slog and especially if he’s not allowed out once in!!

Good luck. We went thru a ridiculous amount of packs of biscuits and mini cheddars. As we only packed stuff in hospital bag that wouldn’t ‘go off’ !!

MnM156 · 25/11/2020 11:03

Thank you so much you all. It had given me a really good idea of what to expect. I'll prepare accordingly. Thank you once again!

OP posts:
welshladywhois40 · 25/11/2020 13:47

Facilities vary but at kingston where I had mine there was a tea making machine we could use and a fridge for general use - so my partner brought in m and s salads and I would leave there.

Word on private rooms - I heard lately even more scarce as suspected COVID mums who need to isolate get them.

Queenbee95 · 25/11/2020 15:16

I’m in Scotland so unsure if it’s different, but partners are not allowed to stay overnight. I’m reading from your post that you are expecting him too

MnM156 · 25/11/2020 15:31

@Queenbee95
My midwife told me that he would be allowed after they break my waters.

OP posts:
Hellomoonstar · 25/11/2020 15:55

1.How many bags can I take in? I can’t put everything for myself, husband and the baby for 2/3 days in one small suitcase. Will I be allowed to have two bags?

There was limit on the amount of bags I was allowed. But I gave birth in last lockdown and dh was not allowed with me in postnatal ward and the man at the reception helped me with my bags and I dragged baby in his hospital bed to the lift and outside where dh was waiting. I would be mindful of how many bags I take just to be polite. I don’t know how it will work now.

2.Is there space on the ward to keep bags? We plan to get a private room after the birth but that is a first come, first serve basis so we might not get one at all.

I didn’t ask for a private ward and I was sharing with three other women and their babies. There was lots of space for multiple of bags. I stayed there for five days after birth and I needed more stuff to be brought to me. Dh just handed stuff to the receptionist at the front entrance and someone brought it to me.

3.Is there a kettle around on the ward where I can probably make a cup of tea/coffee on the ward? It might sound like a trivial thing but I like a cup to help me stay up and so does the husband.

There was kitchen with coffee/ tea/ sugar/ milk and biscuits that I was told I could use. The only kettle was in the milk room, but the kitchen had hot water dispenser. Both places had a fridge but the milk room fridge was only for baby milk.

4.I have heard hospitals feed the patients sometimes. Is that true? Would they feed my husband as well if he stays around with me?

I always got fed, dh only got feed in two different circumstances. One was because they just changed the rules for covid and he was no longer allowed to leave and return.

5.Do they have a fridge or microwave around in case they don’t provide any food and we bring our own?

Yes, to fridge and microwave.

6.Is there any privacy on the wards? I mean are all the beds very close to each other or can we get some peace and quiet in our corner?

There used to be an arm chair next to bed and the rooms had good amount of space to walk around the bed and put baby bed at either side of my bed. But there was only a curtain separating you from your fellow patient and her baby. So you could hear a lot.

7.I know I’ll be allowed to shower at the hospital but would they allow my husband to shower as well? He’s used to showering twice a day so if he won’t be allowed then I’ll have to mentally prepare him beforehand.

He is allowed to use patients toilets in wards. Dh has only ever used the toilets when I have had my own room. If you have your own room then I don’t know the shower rules.

Wherethereshope · 26/11/2020 04:18

Most hospitals gave a video tour if the maternity units.. take a look and see if th can find one in their website. It'll give you a good idea of what to expect.

MnM156 · 26/11/2020 13:46

Thank you so much @Wherethereshope and @Hellomoonstar.

OP posts:
LividLaughLurve · 26/11/2020 14:00

@MnM156 I was induced in the week before first lockdown.

Different part of the country so can’t speak for your hospital.

Husband was allowed on the ward then 8-8 (this changed the next week) but if you’re expecting him from the point your water is broken, be aware mine hasn’t got that far after FIVE DAYS of induction and I ended up requesting a section.

In Covid times I would’ve been alone those five days.

Husband, weirdly, was really shocked at how little privacy there was on the ward and how foul other people’s menfolk were (not a single bloke on the ward over a week had learned to turn their text tones off or watch videos on mute). Hopefully a benefit of no visitors until active labour would be none of that noise.

There was a small kitchen where you could make drinks and toast, and women were brought food three times a day.

I expect your husband will only be allowed after waters are broken or you get to 3cm, which could take hours or days.

I doubt he’ll be allowed to leave the room once he’s there.

Tell him to pack plenty of long life snacks and drinks, and some wet wipes to wash with. You don’t want to be worrying about HIS comfort while you’re in labour.

MnM156 · 26/11/2020 14:42

@LividLaughLurve

Thanks a lot for your reply. I hope I am not in the hospital for long as I know I will have to be alone for the most part before anything actually happens. We are going snacks shopping tomorrow so hopefully will be covered.
My husband is the most generous soul and has been my biggest support ever. The poor soul wouldn't even blink an eye if he has to go hungry for days, sleep on the floor or do any other rough work for me or the baby. Maybe that's why I wanted to make sure abt the facilities as he wouldn't expect anything for himself anyway and I just want to prepare a little snack box for him.

OP posts:
cervixissues · 26/11/2020 14:47

I'm giving birth in Chelsea and Westminster, I had an antenatal class with them yesterday and some questions you mentioned came up!

Your husband should be allowed with you during induction from 8am-8pm (antenatal visiting times).

Once you are admitted for being in labour your husband will be allowed to stay with you the whole time. During this time I was told partners are NOT allowed to be going in and out of the room/ward due to Covid so ensure he brings himself lots of drinks/snacks etc. Not 100% sure if they will feed him, but based on being admitted a few weeks ago for a procedure, they do offer mums a snack pack of sandwich, crisps, yoghurt and drink so you may be able to ask them to sneak one for your husband if they won't already offer it.

  1. You should be allowed 2/3 bags long as they are not ridiculous (i.e. small bag for husband, bag for baby and bag for you - which will more substantial)
  1. There will be room for your bags long as you aren't carting around a huge suitcase. The NHS private rooms are not being offered at Chelsea due to Covid, but the private Kensington wing is offering rooms if available at £1200 (you may already know this but just in case!)
  1. The midwives can boil a kettle for you both / make a hot drink but it won't be in your room.
  1. They definitely will feed you unless for any reason you have been told to be Nil by Mouth. No idea if they will feed husband but during the antenatal class they did make a point of saying ensure there are enough food/snacks for partners. A cool bag with freezer packs could be a good idea if you want to take cold sandwiches etc and make them last a good few hours!
  1. The fridge is only available to midwives and they will only help you to store colostrum if you have expressed towards end of pregnancy. They won't have space for any food and drink you bring in. As mentioned above a cool bag/box is the best bet! They also mentioned that due to health and safety reasons they won't allow you to bring your own kettle/coffee machine etc to be plugged in.
  1. Each ward has 5/6 beds separated by curtains (while you are in triage/induced and for postpartum). During labour you will be in your own room with an ensuite bathroom. They are trying to separate women out as much as possible and try to only put 3-4 per ward. I stayed in a ward of 5 (only had 3 women including me) for most of a day before my procedure and it wasn't too bad, just separated by curtains.
  1. Prepare him anyway that he won't get to use a shower. However while you are in the delivery room he may be able to sneak a cheeky one! As PP mentioned, maybe ensure you have enough wet wipes for a quick wipe down if he really needs.

Once you are in the postnatal ward, you are allowed one visitor between 8am-8pm. Not sure if this is different if you are in the Kensington wing private room. Hopefully you will get to go home as quickly as possible!

Hope that info helped!

Hellomoonstar · 26/11/2020 14:48

Sorry I just spotted a mistake I made in the previous post. There was No limit in the amount of bags I could have brought

cervixissues · 26/11/2020 14:49

I should add they will offer mums proper meals! Just that if they don't offer partners a full meal you may be able to ask for a sneaky snack pack for him :)

serialplanner · 26/11/2020 22:26

@MnM156 thanks for asking these questions. I'm a FTM and wondered these.

I don't have wisdom to add but one tip I picked up on another thread was pot noodles/cup a soups for our partners. I know it's not the most nutritious meal but for something warm that only needs a cup of hot water probably worth it.

All the best x

Jobsharenightmare · 26/11/2020 22:31

Hi OP I just wanted to say that it makes me nervous to read "I've been told that I'll be..." Do make sure you are fully informed and know the risks of an induction versus risks of not inducing at that stage, for your individual scenario. Lots of women aren't told about certain things being choices until afterwards, which is not at all empowering and can lead to birth trauma.

MnM156 · 27/11/2020 00:03

@Jobsharenightmare
Thanks a lot for your concern. The thing is that my baby is not growing well inside me. He was at 4th centile two weeks ago. He is a really small baby and they think that it is better to take him out sooner so that he can grow better outside. I have talked to my midwife and two different consultants at Chelsea and Westminster and they all are of the opinion that I should be induced at 37/38 weeks. In this scenario I cannot say no to their advice. It's my first baby and if all the health professionals have the same opinion then I am likely to agree with them. I hope and pray things go well for me and my little one. I have a scan in the morning to see how far he has progressed and the final discussion on induction.

OP posts:
MnM156 · 27/11/2020 00:03

@cervixissues

Thank you so much. This is most helpful!

OP posts:
Jobsharenightmare · 27/11/2020 06:31

Absolutely I wouldn't go against all the advice having talked it through either.

Best of luck today.

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