SIL stealing exciting announcement

[Lbh4077]

Hi,
I'm at odds with husband on whether to tell families when I go into labour.
Little bit of a back story, when we found out we were pregnant, excited we told immediate family, asking them to keep it amongst themselves until we decided to tell friends and the rest of the family. Myself and my SIL run in the same circle of friends, so when the 12 weeks came around and we were comfortable to tell friends our exciting news, turns out SIL had already told them (I didn't find this out until a couple of weeks after). I feel I was justified in feeling put out by this information, but gritted my teeth against confronting her to keep peace.
So fast forward 6 months, with less than a week to go, I find myself not really wanting to let the family know when I go into labour, as I want us to be the ones to have the excitement of being able to spread our news to family and friends ourselves. My husband doesn't understand this he wants to be able to tell his parents and siblings as soon as it all starts. Just to be clear, I wouldn't be informing my family either.
The way I see it is if she's already crossed this line once, what's to stop her stealing our thunder again?

I know I should have bigger things on my mind than this, but after arguing with hubby over it, It's made me feel as though my concerns are trivial.
I just need some unbiased perspectives on the situation 😊

He needs to realise that he doesn't have an equal say (or any say) in anything that happens in labour - that's your body, your cervix, your medical details, your decision. You both of course have an equal say in the baby, so he can choose how to announce the baby's birth to his family when it's happened. Anything before that is your private medical info and not his choice to share.

We didnt tell ours as we didnt want to be bombarded with constant texts for updates. We just announced when he was born

We told ours, but they have normal boundaries and we knew they wouldn’t be telling all and sundry before we got a chance to.

Didn’t tell family until baby was safely here, I’m not sure anyone I know told their family when they went into labour, it’s a bit odd to me!

Seems odd to me too - surely you just make an announcement after the birth.

I did tell my family. But my labour was three and a half days and it would have been fairly obvious why they couldn't get ahold of me.

It was a bit pointless in the end, as there was nothing they could do to help or make my labour shorter or less painful. They were pretty good at keeping their worries about how it was going to themselves.

If it had been a quick labour, probably wouldn't have bothered tell them (by quick I mean a day or so!).

They behaved and kept good boundaries. You don't need to be worrying about anyone but yourself (and baby obvs) during labour. Do whatever helps you do that.

Petty, I know, but I would tell everyone before I told her any update.

Don't tell anyone when you go into labour. It adds unnecessary pressure and worry. You could he in labour for days. Just call when baby has arrived. Job done.

Perfectly reasonable to not want to tell anyone when you go into labour. Keep it as a private moment between you. You are defo justified.

Wouldn’t even cross my mind so to tell anyone until the baby is out and safe

If your not telling your family either then i'd just tell your partner this is the way its going to go end of story and if you go behind my back you'll feel really upset and betrayed. I would say tho people knowing your in labour is a tiny piece. Revealing the gender, name, weight and first picture of the baby feels so much more significant.

I mean as a comprimise you could allow your husband to inform family you are in labour but any other details of when the baby comes etc etc. is strictly up to the 2 of you and the 2 of you only, period. My friends partner ended up sending a first picture to a few close people which quickly spread and someone posted it on facebook. My friend was so upset at the time. So i'd set boundries so nothing like this happens.

My own husband actually hurt me too with baby 1, i had baby at 6.10 in the morn and when I was in the bathroom after he posted a picture of baby, name, weight everything without saying. I was was really hurt by this I wanted to chose the first perfect picture and let people wait in suspence a little and he had it up within an hour. But we hadnt had a conversation or anything about it and well a typical man he thought it was no big deal.

YANBU, I'd let the chatterbox know at the end.

I had to let my dad know because he was giving me a lift to the hospital, otherwise I wouldn't have let anyone know.

I told mine after I had the baby, so much easier and stress free.

I would remind him that you get to chose who is in the delivery suite...that includes him.

I would be furious with my SIL if I was in your position, particularly as you specially mentioned to your family not to share wider. (A very common request - even if people don’t say, I would usually check ‘is it ok to let people know?’ before mentioning it to anyone else.)

She betrayed your trust and shared a secret that wasn’t hers to share. I absolutely sympathise with your position. I would feel really uncomfortable about the thought of trusting her with information again.

I agree with what Mindy and others said above - labour is your body, your medical details and not OH’s news. Plus added pressure.

I personally never really felt the need to let anyone know when I went into labour. I always wanted to just focus on giving birth to a healthy happy baby, and have that special time for just us as a family, without the pressure of people trying to get in contact every 5 minutes. OH was always the complete 180. Their family dynamic has always baffled me, they're all very much involved in each others lives.
But I've, let's say, had a bit of a meltdown (scared him a little I think 😂) and we despite putting noses out of joint, aren't going to be telling anyone until baby has arrived safe and sound!

Thank you all! I now feel I'm not being an overreacting hormonal mess! 😂

Be careful she doesn’t announce your birth on fb before you do. I would very clearly tell her and other family you don’t want any social media announcements. It’s not her need to tell.

News, not need.

I wouldn't tell anyone till the baby arrives. It's your baby, your very private moment. Extended family, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, can go and fuck themselves.

Your the one having to shove a human being out of your body; it's your choice what, when and who you tell. Tell your husband no, end of story. His sister has already been a cow once; she'll do it again.

Who tells anyone other than those who "need to know" you are in Labour? This need of people to be the centre of attention "announce" every fact of pregnancy is just too intrusive and honestly people don't care, unless they want to "own" the news and make it about themselves which it sounds like with you SIL. Not to mention the false alarms and days of waiting that can then ensue. Is he going to field the endless text messages of "has she had the baby yet?". What if something goes wrong and you need a c-section for instance and people are texting you and getting more annoyed or worried you haven't contacted. Imagine you are trying listen to whale music or whatever it is you like to relax to and you phone it going with endless messages.
No tell him, to wait until after the birth.

My friend went into hospital last month and her husband announced the "Labour" on Facebook. She haemorrhage, had to have an emergency c-section (all fine) but she said the phones just kept pinging and when she came round after several hours and it was still touch and go for her she said she found this added to her stress because she didn't have the mental or physical capacity to answer the phone whilst thinking she or baby could still die. in the end she texted our mutual cousin because she knew she would just carry on (it was just past midnight at this point)and be "offended" that they had not kept her in the loop.
My uncle went and sat outside the maternity unit to "catch them" so he could be the first to see the baby, That back fired 7 hours later in a cold car at night!

Some people have no boundaries you have to make your own.

I read a wonderful piece of advice somewhere which was tell everyone your due date is 2 weeks ahead of when it actually is, so you have some peace and quiet in hospital and no one pesters you w questions like "have you given birth yet??". I think the same consideration would go towards not announcing labor! To each their own however, pretty sure some people would find others calling and messaging you in hospital support, not distraction.

I don’t get the whole “telling people you’re in labour” thing. Why does anyone need to know? We didn’t tell anyone other than my mum when my son was born and the result was a lovely day of peace recovering from labour and bonding as a three before we let people know and they started phoning and messaging and wanting to visit.

I was pleased when MIL told me "please don't tell me when you go into labour as I'll only worry and fret til I know you are through it. Just send me a message when you are ready"

I didn't realise how much of a weight off that would be til it was said.

I think you just need to remind dh that, as you will be labouring, all comms will fall to him - is he honestly prepared to commit to responding to texts and calls throughout your labour when he should be focusing 100% on you and the work you are putting in.