Difficulty pregnancy i cant cope

[Cleverporpoise]

Hello

This is my first pregnancy and right from the start has been hard. At 4 to 5 wks I had a threatened miscarriage with severely painful cramping. From 5 wks until now at 15 weeks I have had hyperemesis being sick on average 8x day. This has meang dehydration and several trips to a and e. I am taking antisickness medication Odansetron which is relieving my nausea and vomiting so I am only being sick 2-3x day. However, the medication and lack of physical activity has meant I now have extremely bad constipation and a painful fissure and haemorrhoids. I have been taking lactulose which doesnt help and I have been given mini enema but cant seem to insert it due to pain and everything is very tight down there. The stools are there but cant be pushed out and there is some bleeding from my bottom which Ive been panicked about today.
On top of that I have had trouble sleeping due to pain in both my hips.
This difficult pregnancy has led to depression I have taken time of work and sought couselling through work which is helping me process my feelings.
But there are times like this evening, when everything is just too much. The midwives and doctors I have spoken to have not been helpful and so I feel alone alot of this time. I do have a couple of collegues I confide in and a loving boyfriend but still feel so alone.
I feel so guilty and failure in every sense, as an employee, a rubbish girlfriend, I feel rubbish at being pregnant and just generally rubbish. Every single day for the past few weeks has just been about surviving the day. I have no joy and no energy left to carry on. Even though I planned and wanted a baby this pregnancy so far has been in every sense horrific. I just really dont think I can carry on Ive been trying my best. . .but I cant get any peace :-(

Hi @Cleverporpoise

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard pregnancy. You are 15 weeks now so you are making good progress.

I agree that early pregnancy is really hard and there does not seem to be a lot of support. I was taking to my partner about this last night and saying it really isn't like in the films, someone discovers they are pregnant by vomiting once and then it fast forwards to picking out nursery furniture with a big bump! If only it was that easy.

Is your boyfriend at home with you this evening? Please tell him how you are feeling so he can support you. You are not a rubbish girlfriend, you are just going through a very difficult time.

Can you ring your GP tomorrow and see if there is anything else they can give you for the constipation and fissures? There might be something else that you can try.

I have hyperemesis too and know awful it is, I keep thinking it has to stop at some point and hopefully it will all be worth it once baby is here.

Hi OP, I didn’t want to read and run. I am so sorry to hear how difficult your pregnancy has been so far - I can’t imagine how debilitating it’s been. Unfortunately I don’t have any specific advice for your physical symptoms, but I just wanted to let you know that you are the complete opposite of a failure! You have survived 15 gruelling weeks, growing another human which is quite miraculous in itself. Try and let go of the thoughts that you are letting anyone down like work or your partner - at this point your focus quite rightly should be simply getting through each day, so try and take all that extra mental pressure off. A difficult pregnancy can be so hard for others to comprehend and can feel so isolating. Be kind to yourself and remember what an incredible thing you are doing. Hopefully other people will be along soon with practical advice to ease your physical symptoms, but I wanted to send you some love, kindness and support. Take what you need to get through and wishing you all the best.

That is very unlucky.
I threw up that often for about 6 weeks, but it wasn't HG.
Are you keeping fluids down ok?

At the best of times I'm extremely constipated. I have a rectocele (bowel prolapse). Pre-pregnancy I used to used movicol for a few days until things cleared and then a few days later start the cycle again.

But that's by the by. I don't think movicol is meant to be 'unsafe' in pregnancy because it works in much the same way as movicol, but it's now my last resort. I've been eating a steady diet of mostly dried apricots and prunes.

But a big one is water. How is your water intake with the hg? I can imagine that's a super hard balance. But the more water you can ingest, the more the lactulose should help, as it draws water into the bowel.

But you shouldn't have to suffer like this. Please please see your midwife. Constipation can lead to blockages which can be very serious indeed. This isn't something you should in any way shape or form need to suffer through. But it may take some persistence and you may even need some help with advocacy (boyfriend maybe)?

Oh lovely I just wanted to say my first was so hard as well.
I couldn't of done it without my partner .
I hope you have support and things get easier for you x

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. It must be dreadful but you will get through it.

I wish I could offer some advice but I don't have much I'm afraid. In terms of hip discomfort and lack of sleep, I found that a decent pregnancy pillow and a memory foam mattress topper really helped. Perhaps you could get those to help you sleep a little better 💐.

Oh my gosh everything you're saying I'm feeling, I think pregnancy is difficult and everyone who says it's all sunshine and rainbows are also the same people who are not pregnant anymore, rose tinted glasses! Everything you are doing is for the baby, the thing about them is that they'll thrive no matter how rubbish we're doing, if you can't get out of bed that is okay! Work can wait, you're more important and your boyfriend will know that you're creating new life and that's no easy task, if he's struggling with what to say maybe have a conversation with him about him doing some research, If you're struggling it's okay to struggle, don't put high expectations on yourself. Hypermesis has floored me, and I've just been diagnosed with spd and I can't sleep because of hip and back pain, I feel like I'm failing myself and the baby but you've just got to take each day as it comes and hope for a better ones, feeling low and cryey are also heightened feelings in pregnancy, have you spoken to your counsellor? Is it helping? If the midwives aren't very good you should ask to swap, getting the right care provider is really important 💖 have you tried sleeping with a pillow between your legs? Or one under your waist when you're on your side? I found those quite helpful 💖 I hope you feel better soon, it's okay to feel rubbish right now, you're going through a lot but I hope it ends soon, about 4 days ago my sickness just stopped, I woke up and was fine and it was so severe I lost over 2 stone, fingers closed it'll do the same for you and you'll catch a break soon lady, sending lots of love your way

There is a charity for Hyperemesis gravidarum you need to contact them. Some people take 2 anti sickness meds so maybe ask about that to GP. Really sucks 😢 sending you lots of love xxxx

To everyone who suffers from fissures, especially chronic, and if nothing helps, there is a great natural cure in the form of coconut oil - the kind you can easily find in any foodstore. You should really give it a try.

Below are some practical tips with TMI, you have been warned.

Basically you need to make natural anal suppositories out of coconut oil. You can do it using latex gloves, pour coconut oil into the little finger and let it solidify in the fridge. Or you can just put the wholle package in the fridge, and then carve out a little suppository-like piece with say a knife. Make sure your hands are cold or it will melt. Wash your hands with cold water and gently put the suppository in after a bowel movement (or before if you are afraid to go). The coconut oil will work wonders to repair the fissures. Use once or twice a day and you might just be cured within days. Good luck!

Hi, I just wanted to say that I've been feeling the same too. I don't have much advice because as you said its hard to get through and talk about. I'm 26 +3 now and I'm having a very hard time with sickness throughout the day and toilet troubles... My best friend helps by listening to my moans, mum is a great support too. All I can say is when I talk to these people, it helps. Depression is progressive but honestly talking helps. I can see the light at the end of the journey now. 3 months to go. We can do this 💪 I'm sure meeting baby will make it worth while too. Good luck to you and know you're not alone in your experience x

If one suppository feels like an overkill, use half or less.

@suite88 thats right theres so much ideological imagery associated with pregnancy and its all too easy to compare your pregnancy with others isnt it. It really does seem like when I voice my concerns to medical people it falls on deaf ears. My boyfriend isnt here hes at work unfortunately. Sorry to hear you have HG you have my empathy, I wish you the very best with your pregnancy. Im sure it will be all worth it and over before you know it. Thank you so much for your kind message it really does help to read supportive comments .

@Moon12345 that is really kind, thank you for reading my post and taking the time to comment. It really helps knowing there are people like yourself who listen and are so supportive without judgement. Its more help than ive had from professionals..and thats a good point in definately harsh on myself I know i need to work on being kind to myself.

@Iljkk i need to keep track of my fluids im managing to keep some down thanks to the medication but i probably need to be more mindful incase im not drinking as much as I thought.

@physicskate i have now got the enema to work which has definately softened things up and I can use another tomorrow. I need to try and be more active. Ill definitely go back to GP in a day or so if no improvement. My GP also said to try taking more than the recommended dose of lactulose, so if i can stomach it I will do that. Im pretty sure i need to up my water intake where I can. Thank you for your advice, I hope youre managing to stay well.

@toptreeroots1 thank you its nice just to know im not alone

@FTMF30 I will definately invest in some pillows got to be worth a try, thank you.

@Cat1324354 thats right. Isnt it funny how people tend to forget what physical pains and sensations were like, and tend to remember emotions rather than physical symptoms although at the time its horrific. I hope its true what they say and in time Ill forget too, although i doubt it. Im so sorry to hear youre going through similar experiences to me. I hope that you are able to take some of your own advice and be kind to yourself. Deep down we know we are doing the best we can at the time. Counselling is definitely helping me from losing my mind. Ive lost weight like you too. Im glad to hear your sickness has stopped. Hope the rest of your pregnancy is healthy and enjoyable. Thanks so much for your message and advice

@Apricotta thank you I will, the Odansetron helps alot but I do wonder if its making my constipation worse

@Anniebu thanks for the tip I will try it.

@babyjackson im so sorry to hear youve been suffering as well. Talking is so important youre right. It really doesnt help to bottle things up. I wish you well for the rest of your pregnancy. Good luck as well and thanks for your kind message.