Visitors of newborn

[wholelottaworry]

This has probably been done to death, but nonetheless...

I will be having a c section in late January. I have a DD who is 2.5, and will need to isolate for two weeks prior to op (but have discussed with midwife and they have said ok to send DD to pre school and otherwise isolate completely).

My parents and PIL are all well meaning, but all went a bit over the top with the visiting last time in their understandable excitement and hung around a lot not being that helpful whilst I felt a bit overwhelmed by visitors. None of them are observing Covid guidance - my own mum refuses to wear a mask despite no exemption and my PIL have been to social events like drinks parties etc.

I don't want to be the sullen no fun enforcer (even though I am seen as such as we are observing the rules), but I really don't want people staying over or having huge amounts of visits in the first week and I worry about Covid a bit, given how resistant the GPS are to taking precautions.

We have lots of childcare options (not just GPS) for my DD whilst I have the section and my DH will come back on the day of the section and look after DD overnight (and hopefully they can come and get me outside the hospital together next day, all being well).

WIBU to say, in the first week:

• leave us 24-48 hours back at home before visiting
• GPS can come for a bit, see baby (but not hold baby) and, if they want to, take DD out to the park for a bit in the first week, then come back properly to see us for a bit longer the week after?

All the guidance suggests visitors should be social distancing from new baby, which is likely to cause upset regardless but might be taken better by them if it is for a brief period at the start (when baby and I are recovering) for medical reasons - maybe just a week or two.

I really have no idea what is reasonable. I will ask in my appts for section (my midwife is not very helpful - she doesn't like me as have refused a vbac!). What are others doing?

Congratulations and good luck with your baby.

YANBU - It’s your baby (and DH’s of course) and your choice. I don’t see anything wrong with being extra careful with a newborn and following the rules. I would let them all know what will be happening and that it is your decision, if they don’t want to stick to it it’s best for them not to visit in the early days. They should all want to take the utmost precautions with the baby.

Thank you!

I probably come across as anxious and neurotic, but I actually feel quite happy with my point of view in principle, I just want to see how well it stands up to objective views as I know I will get a bit of pushback on it potentially!

I know that I may come across as picking and choosing given that I will send DD to pre school, but she is so happy there that pulling her out for a month or whatever to cover two weeks before and two weeks after c section might be quite disruptive for her and I feel that they do as much as they can there to keep to quite rigorous procedures.

It isn't that I want to exclude or punish the GPS for not seeing the Covid situation my way - I can just feel that "protect the baby" instinct kicking in and I want to try to ensure that baby and I get a good, calm start. My DH is on board (he worries about Covid more than I do - it isn't something that would keep me up at night - my concerns around Covid centre on being pregnant and feeling a general duty to try not to burden the health service/protect the vulnerable) and is also a very hands on father so am not worried about him being able to look after us a bit whilst I am recovering.

I cant imagine we'll be allowed indoor visitors by January? But maybe this depends on where you live OP.
I think you sound reasonable and as a grown adult and parent don't need to worry about your sensible decision!
Letting them take your DD to the park if they want sounds like a compromise. You can chat from the door or thru a window?
Congrats btw.

Thank you! I guess you can argue that you can for a childcare/respite bubble, but it is a bit tenuous (and possibly you get into an argument about which set of GPS you pick for the bubble), so I would rather just play by the rules! Where we live, we were in tier 1 pre lockdown so it was rule of 6, including inside. but things seem to have deteriorated since then and probably will again over Christmas, so I agree inside visits may not be allowed anyway!

Your points sound completely rational and although they will all probably protests and tell you otherwise, you have to do what makes you most comfortable. I’d wish even pre-covid, I’d be stricter with the visiting anyway, it’s your time as a family and time you’ll never get back. I think it’s probably the only perk (some may disagree) of this situation is that new mums aren’t being instantly hounded by visitors who do have the best intentions but sometimes just do not know when to leave!

Be firm and strong!😊

I'm fascinated by the inconsistencies in advice - I'm having a section in a fortnight and I've not been told at all about any isolation period, similarly no advice on what to do with a newborn!

I think limiting visits makes sense, especially if they've not been taking adequate precautions. I'd wait to see what the review is after the 2nd Dec and what happens about Christmas time before putting any rules in place - we might find we're back in strict measures by January if every one messes up at Christmas.

@Disappointedkoala

I know, mad isn't it! I have been warned about the isolation, but haven't found anything other than on Tommys and one NHS leaflet online on newborn guidance. It would be so good to have something official.

Yes, thank you and I agree with you that it could all change by January anyway. It is just bugging me a bit, partly because I know that I will get my date in a few weeks and I know that GPs will start asking....

I think this would be quite reasonable, even without Covid.

Thank you! That has been immensely reassuring. I do get good daughter guilt, to be honest, so I doubt myself from time. I ran myself a bit ragged after my DD was born giving my parents and PIL grandparent time with a baby that really only wanted me anyway, so I feel quite committed to choosing a new plan based on: 1) what do I want to do; and 2) is it objectively reasonable, rather than being guided by others' emotions, or my reading of them.

And by only wanting me anyway, I just meant in the early months - they all have a great relationship with DD now and I am pleased about that, but I don't think it is make or break in the first few weeks!!

Think about it as, you are the one responsible for your baby, you enforce whichever rules keeps them most safe from harm. Bugger hurting the grandparents egos.
I remember with my first, years ago, I felt guilty asking people to wash their hands before touching him. I was called pedantic and ocd, it actually still enrages me to this day that that was considered unreasonable, when all I was doing was trying to protect him from unnecessary germs as a newborn.

I’ve just had a baby and am worried about this. Parents and in laws (who live few hours away) have all booked hotels nearby for the day after the lockdown is supposed to end. I’m happy to see them indoors if that is allowed but I don’t really want them to hold the baby as some are key workers and others live in high covid areas. I’m actually not too worried about my newborn catching it as the risks are low, but I really don’t want DH or I to get it as we also have our toddler to look after and no support nearby if we were to get ill. I think managing expectations in advance is the way to go, and will get DH to deal with his family.

I'm due in March and having a section. I've already said no one to hold the baby. No indoor visits. We ar ein high risk area. My older baby ended up in the nnu with pneumonia at 1 day old so if anyone says anythi g I'll be pulling that card. My own parents are very close by and don't do much or go anywhere so I may relent and form a bubble with them, more to support me when my partner is out with the older one. I remember days of being stuck on the sofa cluster feeding and having food made for me so preparing for that again.

Watching this with interest. Due a baby any day now and really struggling with what to do about grandparents. I know I’ll be called neurotic if we don’t hand baby over for cuddles, but I have an overwhelming sense of responsibility to not do that. I’ve seen bronchiolitis in newborns and anything viral isn’t something I want to risk. On the other hand, our other child goes to nursery so they’re also a Covid infection risk...so would we be petty to not allow GPs a hold?

Im getting induced on Saturday. We told family a few months ago that we would prefer no visitors for a week which everyone was happy with. My family are a few hours away so are unable to visit. Although my mum booked a week off work to come see the baby for the week after my original due date. Not sure she will be able to come. My in laws live 10 mins away and MIL suggested bringing baby in the car so she could see it through the window! I said no as not allowed. I think family are going to get more desperate to see baby the longer lockdown goes on but I'm not risking breaking the rules or my DH health.
Stick to your guns OP. You could always say that the midwife or HV has said for no visitors/no holding baby.

If you don't want people to visit or hold the baby just after you've given birth just say. Using the covid thing doesn't really stack up as your daughter is in nursery and you are happy for her to go to the park with grandparents anyway. If they had covid they'd give it to your daughter who I imagine your aren't keeping outside or away from the baby.

@DinosaurGrrrrr

I get that. But small children are apparently quite low transmitters for unknown reasons. And actually taking my DD to a park outside is probably a lot lower virus transmission. But I would be happy not to offer that - I just don't plan to hand over the baby to GPS who will inevitably kiss him (my parents particularly). So maybe I will just say no visitors inside for 2 weeks and if they want to come and say hi on the doorstep they can!

I think the biggest risk is your older child going to nursery; if her bubble bursts she’ll have to stay home for 2 Weeks and isolate.

I would be more inclined to ask a parent to have my child for those 2 weeks then send her to a nursery environment

Yes, it is a good point re the bubble bursting. Hmmm, tricky I guess. I'd quite like pre school to continue (there are only 8 kids in DD's bubble), just for continuity, but maybe need to rethink that entirely - luckily it is forest school based so a lot outside but not risk free as you say. Problem is that if GPS look after DD then they would need to stay in the house and I can see this being a bit tricky, "my house my rules" on eg masks is going to cause conflict!