Women who had their first child at 35+, what is the spacing between your children's ages?

[Semele5069]

Hi all

Just been thinking about this and interested in hearing other experiences. I'm 15 weeks pregnant at 36 and this will be our first.

It took a year of trying and 2 early miscarriages before getting to this point. Now that I'm feeling more confident this might actually result in a baby I've been thinking about when we would start trying again, as ideally we would like 2-3 children (would be happy with just this one though!).

I'm aware it was a bit of a shocker to us both how difficult the process was this time round (knowing anything up to a year of trying is normal was a very different story to feeling the hopelessness and despair that started to kick in, especially after the 2nd miscarriage!) so I don't want to leave things too late.

When did you start deliberately trying again if you were over 35 with your first?

Thank you!

I had babies at 35, 37 and 40.

before the first and in between I had 4 mcs.
But I did get pregnant easily when we started trying.

It is a hard question to answer, because I know 2 couple who had secondary infertility (struggled to get pregnant second time, after no problems the first) and 2 couples who were the reverse, really struggled to get pregnant the first time (one even had IVF) so were not using any contraception, and got pregnant again when the first was about a year, unexpectedly.

It is also hard to say as babies are so different. My dc 1 was th easiest baby in the world, but I was physically wrecked by the birth (he weighed over 10lbs, with a huge head). If you have a difficult baby, eg one who doesn't sleep, you need some time before you try again)

@Semele5069 sae as previous OP, had 1st at 35 and after a MC and a lengthy trying. Fell pg with No. 2 when first one was 8mo (expecting the second one in April next year).

I think it all depends on your plans, mat leave options, finances, space, health etc. I'd say though that if all is well health-wise and both parents want more kids the sooner he better as with our age increasing the odds do go against us somewhat.

I'm 37 and pregnant with my first (got pregnant via IVF at 36), we had been trying for nearly 2 years and 1 miscarriage along with fertility treatment after miscarriage but before IVF. I have 3 embryos frozen. Baby is due next week and I think we will start trying for a second one after about a year.

It's a balancing act for us as we want to try naturally initially but if it doesnt work after 6 months we will look at using our frozen embryos, I'll be 39 then if my calculations are correct. The main reason we will wait a year is because I'm not sure we can afford to pay for nursery for 2 and my family live 100 miles away so are unable to provide help with childminding (I'd love to move closer to them but that's a whole different conversation). We would have to plan it so that baby 1 would be entitled to 30 free hours (so needs to be 3 years old) for when I return to work after maternity leave with number 2

I was 37 when Dd was born, the 39 for DS (approx 2 yrs 5 months gap).
Because it took 2 years of trying the first time, we started trying when Dd turned 18 months. It only took 3 months the 2nd time.

I had dd1 at 41 and dd2 at 44, so 3 years between mine. We had a miscarriage in between and it took a year of trying for dd2 .
It's actually a really good age gap for us, as dd1 was a horrific sleeper! Fortunately dd2 is much better so far.

I took a year and a month to conceive DD and she arrived when I was 37. And that panicked me a bit so we started trying again when she was 9 months and then it took 5 months (so much quicker second time round.) There will be 23 months between them and I will be 39 and in hindsight I am v v glad I didn’t get pregnant when she was 9 months. Esp as had a c section first time round and you’re meant to wait longer than 9 months. Got a bit obsessed, I think.

37 and 40, but I had no family history of fertility problems, no miscarriages and, once off contraception got pregnant pretty much immediately with #1 (and also with #2; 3 year age gap was because because #1 was quite velcro-y, and only stopped cosleeping and breastfeeding at two and a bit- I just wanted a little bit of time when I wasn't getting grabbed and mauled by a baby, lovely though it is.

I am 43. Ds now 22 months and dd three months.

I had dd1 at 37, after 7 years of trying, with 2 miscarriages and getting cancer delaying things a bit.
I then had dd2 at 38 and ds at 41.
I'd always wanted 3 children, and had given up having any when I was in the midst of chemo, so feel very lucky.

35 and 38, no problems conceiving either time though. I didn't want an especially close age gap and like a PP, struggled after my first delivery so it took a while before I could get my head round going through that again.

37 first baby. We tried for 5 years for her so with breastfeeding etc and history I wasn't too worried about contraception. Had my second when I was 38

36.1, 38.6 and 41.8 here, so a 2.5 yr gap followed by 3.2 yr gap. But I was incredibly lucky, got pregnant on 1st or 2nd cycle every time and no losses. Periods didn't return until 15 months and 18 months in respectively because of breastfeeding, but we wouldn't have tried sooner in any case.

18mths gap between my two - 35 when first born

30 months.

DC1 took 15 months of trying, with 2 miscarriages first. I was 35 when they were born.

We starting trying for DC2 when DC1 was 15 months old and I got pregnant straight away (was a bit of a shock!) and I was 37 when they were born.

I was 35 and a half when first dc was born. I had just turned 38 when dc 2 was born, so there is about a 2 and a half yr age gap. Took almost a yr with dc1, but only 3 months with dc2, so I think we started trying when dc1 was a 1yr 9 months.

They are beginning to play nicely with each other now. I'm 40 now and will defo be drawing a line! Feel v lucky and delighted to have them, but can't imagine ever choosing to feel this tired again.

2 years 3 months

I had DS (16 months now) at 36, and assuming this one sticks (I think I'm five weeks but possibly a week or two more), will have an almost exactly 2 year gap. We were aiming for starting trying again when he turned one, but got thrown out a few months by lockdown and family stuff.

4 years. Had our first at almost 36, second at almost 40.

First baby at 35yrs and currently preg with baby 2 and there will be a 22month age gap. No issues conceiving either. Going to have a decent break after this. Don't want to have a small baby or be pregnant anywhere near my 40th! Then we'll see about baby no.3
Id see how you feel after having 1 child though

I was 39 when DS born and cracked on assuming it would take a while. It didn’t... so if all stays well 15 months (just under) and I’ll be 40. I had a c section so not ideal but I didn’t feel time was on our side

36 and 40. Couldn't afford two lots of nursery fees at the same time (or for very long) so the timing worked out well.

I had DS when I was 39 - took 5mths to conceive.

We started trying for number 2 when DS turned one and it took 18mths! I am now 42 and 28wks pregnant. DS will be 3 and 1 month when his little sister arrives so perfect timing for free nursery hours.