Feel terrible, 1st trimester + eating disorder history

[Puffinss]

Hi all.. Im happily pregnant with my first, but having a really terrible time. Im sure its normal but I feel so down and crying all the time. I have a lot on, just started a new stressful job, in the middle of doing up our new home so my partner is knackered and never at home.

I feel sick constantly and im exhausted by it. I was expecting this but what is overwhelming me is the constant hunger. I am solidly recovered from an eating disorder and felt good about being pregnant.. But im finding those horrible eating disorder voices are attacking me, saying im greedy for eating so much. The only thing that helps the nausea is eating! I hate eating as I feel sick and all I can eat is bland carbs. Im usually a fan of a mostly fish and veg and eggs etc.. And all I can eat is toast, biscuits, cake. Its so alien to me!

Also, lockdown isnt helping as im far from support networks.

I keep reading stuff about that you shouldn't gain weight in your first trimester, its so triggering. I feel like a failure.

Im proud of myself as im doing the right thing and listening to my body.. But the emotional toll is huge.

If anyone has any words of wisdom or comfort I would really appreciate it!

Just here for the handhold. The nausea is horrible, I know. I'm 12w and feeling rough.

I don't have an eating disorder, but it's so easy to feel guilty for not eating the right things, even though the right things just don't stay down. I can only say, just eat whatever makes you feel physically better. I know that's easier said than done.

As for weight gain in the 1st trimester, some people do and some don't. If you were a healthy weight to start with, and you're struggling to eat, you probably won't gain much if anything.

Hope it gets easier soon...

PS, I'm currently sipping fizzy mineral water with ice and lemon. Seems to help a bit.

I imagine that must be really difficult.

I wanted to say you should be extremely proud of your strength in resisting the voices. They’re lying to you.

I genuinely believe, and it’s a school of thought that many subscribe to, to varying degrees, that when you’re pregnant your body will tell you what it needs. And even if that isn’t the case, what your baby needs is for you to be well fed, and getting the calories you need from whatever source you can keep down.

It’ll get better. And in the meantime you’re doing the right thing by eating whatever you can stand to allow your body the best platform from which to nourish your child.

Thanks for the handhold! I too am finding fizzy water helps so much. Currently drinking about a litre of it a day! I know some people have it far worse than me. At least I can keep some food down! I guess its natural the thing I fear most is gaining too much, my eating disorder raises its head here... I defo will gain weight im eating tonnes! Just trying to accept that its OK for that to happen despite me reading stuff saying you shouldn't. I appreciate your message x

Speak to your midwife and let them know asap. I completely understand, losing control over what you can/want to eat is really stressful.

I've been on a waiting list for bulimia support for ages through my GP, I told my midwife and she said if you are pregnant they will often fast track your referral so you can get help ASAP so she's done that for me.

I think most people put on weight in first trimester whatever the book says. You have a massive shed load of stuff to deal with there not least the nausea. Listen to logic and your body. Not sanctimonious books / websites and those eating disorder voices.

Just take care of yourself.

Thank you Hollyandivy... Your message means a lot. I know you are right, it's just really really really good to hear it. I feel so exhausted by battling my mind, and disappointed the eating disorder has raised its head. But I know im strong enough. I just feel like if any medical person tells me ive gained too much weight, it will be very hard to hear. Probably being irrational and parannoid about it. The constant sickness doesnt help anything!! Im sure it will all be Ok, one foot in front of the other ❤️

Hi op,

You need to eat whatever your body tells you to. I struggled with the thought of putting on weight when I was pregnant and I have a history of slight eating disorders. I gained weight in my first trimester but when the sickness went away at about 16 weeks I went back to my usual diet which is similar to yours. I exercised until I was about 35 weeks too!

I went back to my pre pregnancy size in a couple of weeks and 4 months on my body now doesn't feel any different.

You'll be fine, it's not forever I promise. I just reminded myself that my baby needed the food and it helped me through it massively 😊

Thanks so much for all your comments. You've reassured and comforted one very tearful woman. I feel a bit better. Just got to trust my body and ignore anyone who says otherwise... Including my own inner voices!! Xx