Some advice needed please?

[Chl000]

I have been in a very toxic relationship. We got together last year and whilst it was intense and loving there were clearly some trust issues on his side and things often got petty and aggressive (on his part but he’d say it was my own fault). We broke up early this year and got back together a couple months ago. We enjoyed a brief happy moment together but split in a pretty explosive way and now I’m sure I’m pregnant. This year has been difficult due to covid and I lost my job. I have only just got a really great new job and was planning to build back up my savings and hopefully buy a house (I live in a rented flat). The only problem is the job is temporary so it’s not guaranteed to keep me afloat. I’m also on a waiting list for a permanent job which could start at any time in the next 10 months. Can this new job I am waiting to start turn me down for being pregnant as I imagine it will be months down the line when I would be showing? I am in the UK.

I don’t know how involved he will be as he’s very volatile. I nearly got him into therapy before we split as he admits something’s wrong but it never happened before he went off on an episode again. I’m not perfect and I did some things during our split that he wasn’t happy with (understatement) but I would never hurt him on purpose and have always always supported him through his hardships. He said he wanted a baby with me but I can’t imagine he wanted it to be like this. We both wanted to have a two parent family seeing as neither of us have one. I know my support network (parents and friends) will push me towards abortion. They can’t stand him and think he is an awful person. I love him to pieces but I don’t know how we could ever work now. We would both have disappointed and unsupportive families although at this point I understand it. I do so wish there was a way we could be together though.

Are my dreams of a good career and my own house over if I become a single mum? Does anybody have any stories of how becoming a young mum bettered their life rather than ruined it? And any advice on dealing with/telling the father as I really don’t think he is stable at this moment but he’s so silly, loving, funny, and sweet when his mind isn’t playing tricks on him and I would like him to be involved? Is the whole thing just doomed? I’m 22, what would you do?

Aggression towards and partner is never acceptable. You did not bring that on yourself. He does not sound like a good partner, far from it. What do you mean when his mind isn’t playing tricks on him? His mind is not separate from him. It is him.

I suppose not. He believes I have been lying and cheating on him and I think he may have some sort of paranoid disorder. It’s very weird as he can switch so quickly and you wouldn’t believe it was the same person. That leads me to believe it may be a mental illness. I mentioned this to him and we were going to try and get a diagnosis but he has fallen out with me before this could happen. Whilst he’s never hurt me he does yell and has broken things previously. Obviously not a good environment for a baby. It’s such a mess, I don’t know what to do!

Bo one can tell you whether you will still be able to make a good life for yourself. Of course its possible, all depends on what steps you take to make it happen and how much support you will have.
Honestly if you are going to carry on with the pregnancy, I wouldn't tell him and certainly don't put him on the birth certificate, even if you do tell him. He might not have been violent so far, but this could set it off. You haven't known him very long.

First thing you need to do is find out if you are pregnant.
As a pp says, his mind is not playing tricks on him.

That is true but it would be nice to hear from somebody who has been able to make it happen. My family would probably come around but will not provide any financial or childcare support. He did live with me originally for a lot of the relationship (admittedly not the longest one) as I said I supported him through hardships but it is becoming apparent that he is not completely safe to be around. I feel it would be cruel not to tell him though. I was hoping he could see a doctor for diagnosis/therapist and treat the paranoia problem. My family have said the same as both of you though so maybe I was just hoping for something that will never happen.