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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I think my DH needs enlightening about Home Birth!!

15 replies

peggotty · 17/10/2007 10:13

Conversation the other day went like this;
DH: So... are you still on about having the baby at home then?
Me: 'On about'
DH: You know what I mean!
Me: Yes, hopefully
DH: Does it mean we have to have a big pool in the living room? (worried expression)
Me: No. that's a water birth, but I could if I wanted...
DH: Oh right (rabbit caught in headlights expression)
He hasn't got a clue. I'm starting to look into it all properly(am 25 weeks) but I think he will, as usual, leave it all up to me. Is there a DH-friendly of trying to get him interested??!!

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insywinsyspider · 17/10/2007 10:33

Is this baby no 1?

I'm planning a HB for no 2 at the moment (currently 31wks) but dh had worries about being at home and not hosp this time (fear of the unknown!) not sure I can help with a dh friendly way of getting him interested, are you going to an antenatal clases? or do you have a home birth group near you?

I know my dh hates sitting with a book about birth so dragging him along for a discussion or just talking him through what I've read is the best way, it was the same with no 1 generally about the birth I just led him through it all, if he has a strong opinion about something he will tell me it just doesn't occur to him to even think about it sometimes!

Original poster

peggotty · 17/10/2007 11:08

Insy, no it's baby no.2. He did say he enjoyed the antenatal classes we went to when I was pg with dd, so maybe homebirth group would be good idea. Saying that, the mw will be coming out to the house nearer the time to leave the home birth pack thing, so I could make sure he's around when she comes.

OP posts:

sabinar · 17/10/2007 11:18

my DH is coming to terms with the idea by questioning anyone he can find who might have an opinion on the idea. So far this has ranged from our midwife, to people who did the two scans that we've had and other random medical staff in the hospital corridors, to friends of his who have reasonably new babies (even if they didn't have homebirth).

Surprisingly, despite the fact that most of the hospital staff and friends think it's a dreadful idea, he's pretty much in agreement that we'll be going for a homebirth.

There is a book too... I think it's just called 'Home Birth' that has lots of birth stories in it... he's had a quick look at that, but he's not much of a reader either.

We have antenatal classes to come yet, so we'll see how helpful those are!

Original poster

peggotty · 17/10/2007 11:23

Sabinar - Wow, he sounds thorough!! At least he seems interested and wants feedback about it. I'm surprised you've had such a lot of negativity about it - is it your first baby?

OP posts:

claraenglish · 17/10/2007 11:32

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Celery · 17/10/2007 11:40

I've had two homebirths and my dh was rather uninterested in either of them really. He sat on the sofa watching News 24 whilst I was pushing the babies out ( or atleast that's how it seemed to me! )

On the positive side, he was quite happy to go along with whatever I wanted to do, and was much happier to be in his own home, pottering about and making cups of tea for the midwives. Homebirths are much more pleasant and relaxed for the dads too.

honeyapple · 17/10/2007 13:35

Hi-

I am hoping to have home birth (due 27th oct, baby number 3)... DP just going along with me really as you say Celery. He didnt enjoy the hospital birth, so am hoping he will be much happier at home. Not having a pool, but he will definitely be in charge of cups of tea. Will let you know how he is after the event!

sabinar · 17/10/2007 15:59

pegotty - yes, my DH is very inquisitive, about just about everything, so he's applied that to the idea of the homebirth.

I was surprised by how much negativity we encountered too. The first doctor we spoke to in the hospital pretty much told us that we were taking ours and our baby's life in our own hands if we were to have it at home and that there was no way that he'd recommend it as 'he'd seen too many nightmares'. Blah, blah.

I'm sure he has seen some nightmares in his time (although he did look like he was about 25), but I'm also a pretty strong believer that the clinical environment actually creates a lot of these situations, rather than simply saving the day.

Most friends just have no idea that anyone has their babies at home these days, and are very much sold on the idea of an epidural. So they're probably not so much negative as just think we're a little balmy.

Jennster · 17/10/2007 16:15

Celery your dh sounds like mine. We had both ours at home and I'm sure the lure of the kettle, fridge and not having to find a car parking space were all advantages. I think though he would have been supportive of whatever decision I had made as we had similar views on stuff.

Spillage21 · 17/10/2007 16:51

I like Claraenglish's suggestion of giving DH a task (i.e. in charge of pool).

Have met very few partners who are wholeheartedly supportive of hb, but most realise that it's not them who are pushing the baby out and support their partner's choice.

As for doctors: never ask their opinion about hb...the mere fact that they are doctors means that the majority of births they see/have seen are problematic: they don't 'do' normal deliveries (in fact I believe they only have to see one in their training).

Jbck · 17/10/2007 17:20

Friends had a hb & all that her DH was worried about was their new cream carpet, he spilt some red wine over it a couple of weeks before her EDD & was a lot less bothered after that
We're not going for HB as I had an emergency cs last time & although I'm hoping for vbac I'd feel safer in hospital & DH's nerves would never cope with hb but, anything he's interested in he researches to death on the Internet. I know it's not always the best way, but you do get to canvas a lot of people's opinions much more easily. Why not try him on the Mens Room board & see what sort of feedback he gets? Or you could do the research & then show him what the men all said provided you get the answers you think will re-assure him.
Good luck with it all.

Jennster · 17/10/2007 20:18

It's true about Dr's. My sister wisely kept her opinions to herself about mine. She was working in Obs and gynae at the time too.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 17/10/2007 20:29

Like Clara I gave dh a 'job' when i had hb 18 months ago (2nd child) - he was in charge of blowing up and filling pool and maintaining temp,he also had to go too ds when he woke up.

Dh much prefered being at home as well - the mw dealt with the medical side and dh did a fine job with the pool and then was able to help me get through the last stages (provided me with a knee to bite down on ).

I did not have any difficulty persuading him about birthing at home - he considered it my decision and knew how much I had hated the hospital experience.

Good luck with your birth peggotty wherever it happens - your DH will come round if you are confident of your wishes and a supportive community midwife can be a great ally in this.

milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo · 17/10/2007 20:34

I had my DD at home (only child so far), DH was a bit surprised when I first mentioned it but after speaking to my MW (v pro HB) and going on the hospital tour he was 100% supportive.

When the time came he made drinks, kept the pool full and warm and generally pottered about. He said afterwards that he thought it would be more relaxed than the hospital as if he was in hospital he would have found it very boring as 'not much happens for hours does it?'

MorticiasMother · 17/10/2007 20:35

My dh wasn't keen on the idea of a home birth at all. He liked the idea of me being in hospital and being taken care of by midwives. I guess he thought it was safer that way and if anything should go wrong, he'd rather just stand back and let others deal with it, whereas at home he thought he might have to get involved. He also worried about mess.

As it turned out, the midwives brought a mat of some kind for the floor and they did a tremendous job of clearing up. There was not a single stain on the carpet from the birth, whereas there were loads from his split beer and wine!

I think he found it better in the end, that he was more able to get involved. There were no wires to negotiate to get to me, no machines to knock against. He could make himself a cup of tea afterwards and even get a bite to eat. No worries about parking and parking meters, no worries about mobile phones and getting a signal. This is how you sell the idea to men. Once you put it like that, in practical terms, they soon come round.

It wasn't until I was 8 months up the duff when he realised that I really did mean it. In fact I overheard him on the phone to his brother telling him that he doubted I'd be able to do and I'd probably end up in hospital! This just spurred me on to prove him wrong.

Our son was born in much better circumstances and looking back, I think dh was quite happy for me to have a home birth. He was very proud too!

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