4 1/2 weeks pregnant with first baby, aniexty is throught the roof, please help!

[Luckylola12]

Hello everyone!
So after 2 years of trying me and dh finally got the best news in the world! When i saw the positive pregnancy test i couldn't believe it! We had gone through all the tests prior, i had bloods and DH had SA's, all were fine so we were on the waiting list for the fertility clinic. So to see that second line was ... words cant describe... amazing!

But now I am terrified. I always thought i would just be happy all the time when i found out i was pregnant. But then i googled.....misscarriages....i cant believe how common they are! Its all i think about, doesnt help that im at home (lockdown) and DH is still working. Everytime i get a little pain i rush to the loo as i think thats it!

How do i relax about this?
Any tips would be much appriciated!
Otherwise this is going to be a long 8 weeks, as in my head i wont be happy or feel safe till 12 weeks!
Sorry for rambling!

Hi @Luckylola12

Firstly, congratulations!

I know exactly how you feel. Well sort of, I was very lucky in that I didn't struggle to conceive but my son was born early at 21 weeks as he had become very poorly and we sadly lost him.

I promise I'm not telling you this to worry you more! I'm currently 19w pregnant again. The point is, I've been a total mess this whole pregnancy and I've really struggled to hold it together.

I've tried to break it all down and not look ahead to the due date. So for example, I booked a early private scan at 7w for some reassurance (I wouldn't recommend doing it before in case your dates are wrong). So that was my first milestone, then it was just a few weeks to my 12w scan. Then it was just a few weeks to my 16w appointment etc etc etc.

It's so hard this early because you can't feel movement or see real changes - I wish you all the best x

@stripedhearts thanks for replying, im so sorry for your loss but also congratulations! Im so happy for you =)
I think thats a great idea to get to different milestones! At the moment i want to get to 6 weeks because i hear then the baby has a heartbeat?
Then i dont know after that! I am very tempted to get a early private scan but also scared about getting one!

Im also not sure how far along i am?
My cycles are 33 days, im 90% sure i ovulated october 23rd but then last period was 5th october, very confusing!

@Luckylola12 thank you 😊

Yes, I think the heartbreak starts between weeks 5-6. That's why I would recommend (if you chose to get one) not getting a private scan any earlier than 7w. Purely because if your dates are out and you're earlier than you thought, they might not be able to detect the heartbeat which would cause more anxiety than anything x

@Luckylola12 you could wait a week or two and get one of the clear blue digitals which tells you roughly how long since conception?

@stripedhearts thats a good idea! I didnt think about that!

I dont think it helps that my main symptom has been trapped wind! Which is so painfull! And then the pain makes me think something is wrong but im pretty sure trapped wind is just painful!

Something I read on here which really helps me is the mantra "Today I am pregnant." It helps me to focus on the positive reality. It doesn't dismiss that something might go wrong but it acknowledges that things are ok right now.
It's tough though, really tough. I think once anxious thoughts are there some people find it much harder than others to try to push them to the side. I find it just about possible some days and totally impossible other days.
Remember that you are far more likely to have a baby than not.

Congratulations OP!

Worrying about miscarriage is very common, but it can be very distressing.

I found it helpful to keep reminding myself that the odds were still on my side and there was no reason to think a miscarriage would happen to me. They are sadly very common and almost always not something you can control, but it’s still much more likely than not that everything will work out in your favour.

Best of luck for your pregnancy - I found that with every passing week I felt more confident, and I hope it’s the same for you

@Thewhalewhisperer I love that!

@Luckylola12 Try to remember that miscarriages are over-represented in forums. People tend to reach out to places for help/guidance when there is something possibly wrong.

Congratulations though! As @stripedhearts said, give yourself small milestones and don't try to think about the larger goal until later on as 40 weeks is a long time and you'll need something to focus on.

I also had an early scan both pregnancies but I was under fertility treatments so its standard practice to discharge you from the service. I would say if you're really concerned then perhaps book one then the 12w scan and first midwife appointment would be just round the corner.

@stripedhearts Congratulations and i'm sorry for your previous loss.

@thewhalewhisperer How do i find that? Thats a good saying....Remember that you are far more likely to have a baby than not. Thankyou!

@lifeisbusy i think I will have an early scan....maybe ill wait till 7 weeks then like you say the nezt appointments will be just around the corner!
@silverstripe thankyou, i feel that each week i get too i will be more positive...I hope! Its just so hard because we've been trying for so long!

Any of you lovely ladies know how far i am?
If im 80% sure i ovulated on the 23rd....would that make me 4 weeks 5 days?
When i put it in the app is says 5 weeks 5 days which i know is wrong! It says that beacuse i have 33 days cycles.

Then when i put it on another website is says 4 weeks 2 days....im so confused!

@Luckylola12 I also have a cycle around 32-34 days (ish). I would agree with 4+5

My last period was 12th July, got IUI on 30th (ovulation) and they suggested my period would have been due on the 6th. Entering that into an NHS calculator with my cycle length that predicted the 22nd April but after scans babs is due 19th (which is closer to a 28 day cycle but i've never been less than 30 days... so I say its random :))

Thanks @lifeisbusy =) its so confusing hehe. Id like to think im more pregnant than I am! But then thats just my aniexty wanting to get to my next milstone of 6 weeks =)

Thank you @LifeIsBusy x

@Luckylola12 The weeks will start flying by! I thought it was all going a little too slowly for my liking but here I am at 17w and already complaining of the aches and pains.

@lifeisbusy thankyou =) im feeling more positive now. Ive realised theres not much i can do except keep busy and stay healthy! Im just still confused on how far i am! On another thread i asked and alot of responses said i should go by my LMP which would add on an extra week! What did you go by?

@lifeisbusy sorry ive realised you've already told me! Ignore me haha

I'd definitely recommend an early scan no earlier than 7 or 8 weeks. Earlier can be hard to spot anything and might just stress you out.

I also agree with "today I am pregnant" - I use that. I also like the misscarriage reassurance calculator online - like seeing my odds go down each day.

I weaned myself off of one step strip tests slowly - used every morning for weeks 4-6, then twice a week on week 7, then once at start of week 8 and 9, then stop. If you do this be warned that the tests dont keep getting darker after a certain point, so dont worry about that.

I'd say my anxiety has slowly decreased over time (now 11 weeks) but I still worry!

@Luckylola12 I originally went with was the NHS said knowing that my cycle was longer. I effectively told my pregnancy app that my period started later than it did to make it think it was a 28 day cycle as I didn't want to get my hopes too high thinking I was further along than I was. It was a nice surprise when they told me it was due earlier. It felt like id skipped a few days .

@lifeisbusy okat thats a good idea! Im still very confuses by it all haha! Im sorry, so if my LMP was 5th october....pretty sure i ovulated 23rd october....then that would make me...4 weeks 5 days?

Your due date is taken as 40 weeks from the start of your last period. So it makes it sound like you are further along than you are. That might change when you have your scans.

I was majorly anxious the whole way through my 2nd pregnancy after 2 years txt. I had an early scan at 7 weeks and saw her but tbh it carried on the whole way through and then when they’re little too. I’d try and find a way to manage it now, it can be overwhelming at times.

2 years ttc not txt!

@TheDaydreamBelievers thankyou! I will deffinatley have a look at that =) i say to myself that my aniexty will get better as the weeks go by....lets hope!