I feel so miserable - how can I feel like me again?

[Whatthedoodle]

I’m 20 weeks tomorrow. This is my third baby, I have a 5 year old DS, 1 year old DS and we found out a few weeks ago that we’re having a girl. I’m so happy, our eldest is happy and our 1 year old obviously doesn’t have a clue but he’s so laid back we’re not worried.
I have a lovely relationship with DP. DS1 isn’t biologically his child but he treats him as such. Their relationship is amazing!

I have no reason to be unhappy. We’ve recently moved into a lovely new family home that had the potential to grow with us so we’ll not need to move in the future hopefully.

I don’t know what it is that’s making me so upset. I love being pregnant, my son’s are well behaved (for now anyway) I have no reason to be upset. Sometimes I feel a little bit down at the thought of this being my last baby as my friends are only just starting their families and I sometimes wish I was experiencing it all for the first time again, but I have my children so there’s no reason for that get me down.

I don’t know if this is hormonal or perhaps because of how much life has changed with covid, I feel like I’ve forgotten who I am. It’s like the only thing I have going for me is my children or the fact I’m pregnant. I feel so lonely. I used to enjoy going into work and seeing people but now we’re all working from home I really miss any aspect of socialising.

I know these are really stupid things to be down over, after some digging I think that’s why I’m down anyway. Maybe it’s just hormonal.

Has anyone else felt like this or have any advice on how I can feel more like “me”?

I completely get where you are coming from! It’s hard when you are quite social to then have to cut it all back.

Can you meet a friend for a walk on the weekends? If you can leave kids at home? Might be a good option just for some adult conversation and not having to keep an eye out for the kids.

My friend just had her first and I was a bit jealous of the first born bubble but then I thought about it more and how nervous I was / how I didn’t know anything and that actually thinking back I didn’t enjoy my first child as much as I should of.

If you carry on feeling blue it might be worth speaking to your midwife as it can can the start of prenatal depression (it’s a thing not just postnatal)

@LG101 thank you for replying.

I’ve been meeting up with my best friend and her baby (within lockdown rules - going for walks in the park). This cheers me up, we did the same today but once I got home I just went back to feeling miserable again.

I agree with what you’ve said about your experience of your firstborn. I was filled with so much anxiety that I didn’t tell anyone about so thinking back, I wouldn’t like to do it again. I much prefer having had the experience and being able to look back on it now.

I think part of my problem is that I’ve spent a bit more time scrolling through social media to pass the time of an evening and I end up comparing my life to what people post (which isn’t always the most true version of their life). I think my next step will be go stop that again. DS2 has started going to bed a bit earlier which gives me a bit more free time of an evening so I’m best spending it more wisely rather than being nosey on Facebook!

If I still feel like this by the time my next appointment comes around I’ll definitely mention it to the midwife.