He left me

[Emmaemma23]

Hi everyone.
I don't know what I want to achieve from this but I just need to get it out. I feel so alone with no one to talk to.
So my partner has left me. After 2 years together , I am 13 weeks pregnant. He broke up with me via text last night. He told me I make him feel like shit and our relationship is toxic.. apparently even when we spent the summer together and he got me pregnant he was unhappy.. I wish I knew that then.
I am so broken and lost. I just don't know what to do with myself. I've had such a hard time anyway with this pregnancy, and we have been in a long distance relationship but the thought of closing the gap and living together as a family apparently made him feel like he would be trapped.
I really never thought this could happen to me.. it's like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. I feel completely detached from my baby and have been considering having a termination. I know I need to think about it more.. but I feel like my life has just been ruined. I feel guilty for feeling that..

How do I get through this..
Any advice or kind words appreciated.
Thanks

For PPs saying "put him on the birth certificate", OP can't. He's in America, and he would have to attend the registration of birth as they're not married.

Even if you could put him on, I wouldn't. He can apply for parental responsibility through the courts if he's that interested, but seeing as he can dump his pregnant fiancee by text I doubt he'd make the effort. You're already not going to get any financial assistance from America, realistically.

Think about what you want. He can have all the opinions in the world but ultimately it is your decision. Being a lone parent isn't easy, and nobody here knows your circumstances enough to say if you'll flourish or struggle as a mum. Take a deep breath. There are counselling helplines you can call, I don't have the details of them but I'd avoid ones with personal agendas (ie religeous-backed helplines) that may be biased. They can help you talk through your options.

Good luck, OP, with whatever you decide.

@Emmaemma23 I am no expert BUT. If you make it easy for him, and if he at any point later decides to hurt you in any way by taking the child, if he is on the birth certificate and the baby has his surname and he manages to get it through the border you will have extremely hard time getting the baby out of US.

Please do take good solid legal advice on how to prevent this. People can be very cruel when they want to hurt you and if you decide to have this baby it will be the easiest thing for him to make life very very hard.

Good luck, and I am sorry the man is an a$$hole. No matter how you decide, it is your choice to make. It is super hard to have a baby even with immediate help, being a sole parent is even harder.

I feel like, reading between the lines, he will not be involved to the point where being tied to him will be much of an issue.

PP is correct I think that since you aren't married he cannot be put on the birth certificate unless he attends the registration, he will be in the USA also and I don't think he stands any chance of getting the sort of access he wants. I think he probably knows it, and if he really was committed to having access to his child and being a presenf father, he would be basing himself in the UK, and probably even keeping the relationship going for now. He is probably blustering rather than be honest with you or evn with himself right now.

I can't see that having him on the birth certificate is any benefit for the child, the child can still know who their father is, without you making it easier for that father to do things that will disrupt the child's life.

I agree that he also might change his mind about the relationship as some men freak out in pregnancy, but with him being so far away he might just compartmentalise and move on.

I am really sorry he has been like this and let you down OP. I hope you can give yourself some time and find your confidence again, that you and your little one can have a happy future without this man.

I have a relative that married a Canadian, they had a daughter, they separated and muk and daughter move back to Canada. He is on the birth certificate, he went through the courts to get a custody agreement that gives him all school holidays and a few other times in the year where his daughter comes here. Mum didn't stick to the custody agreement and he has had very little recourse to enforce it, no one really wants to help so if dad is abroad, I wouldn't worry too much about custody. My cousin has ended up buying a flat in Canada and goes over numerous times a year as that's the only way he gets to see his daughter so unless your ex is willing to do that, the control is very much in your hands.

The ex could settle in the uk if he is granted parental rights and access through uk courts. It's a very tough legal road for him to go down and will involve rejections and appeals (and lots of money) but I've seen it done.

And no, you won't see the money back for the fiancé visa (marriage visa).

What a shit situation to be in. I'm really sorry you're having to make such difficult decisions at the age of 23. I don't think I could have handled it.

Did he come and visit here three months ago and then apply for the fiancé visa? They timeline seems a bit strange as there is a huge backlog on applications and it would be tight for you to get married in Feb if he's still in the US because of legally required residency and uk notice periods.... if he applied two months ago for the visa, he may still be some way off being granted the visa. Bit of a moot point anyway.

You can notify ukvi that your relationship has irreparably broken down (it's an online form), but you won't get a refund from them.

Thanks ladies, really blown away by the amount of replies. Thank you all for your kind words and advice.