Pregnant and going solo support thread

[Namechangedforthisoct2]

Hello,
Would any other pregnant mums who are doing it alone without fathers like a support thread?

I’m 8 weeks pregnant, the father has now moved abroad to live back with his teenage children and ex wife so I’m officially flying solo!

Now he’s gone and we’ve broken up I actually feel much stronger than I did, but obviously still nervous and scared. Even things like I have 2 dogs, thinking about walking them immediately after birth etc.

Any support of mums who’ve got through those first months alone and survived with their sanity intact would be very welcome!

Sorry I should say without partners, rather than fathers

Hello! I’m doing it alone in that I’m single, however father of baby very much wants to be involved. He’s been a bit crap so far but giving him the benefit of the doubt. Definitely not something I ever imagined doing solo, but if that’s how it goes then that’s how it goes! I’m 9/10 weeks.

Hi @swiftt, the dad has shown really mixed feelings - he’s actually very family oriented but has been living in another country to his children for the past 18 months and hated it but felt stuck.
Both his children’s mental health’s have deteriorated which is why he’s moved to the country the mum took them too so he can be there to support them.

Long term he says he wants to make it work but can’t give me any guarantees..... but then I have an scan at the EPU unit, he knew the day and time yet didn’t message until the following morning. So clearly showing his true priorities!

It’s hard because I want to be as kind and compassionate as I can, whilst having shit hot boundaries for me and baby!

Will your little ones dad be there at the birth? And on the birth certificate?
I’m still considering these options and what’s for the best.

Oh and congratulations @swiftt!!!

@Namechangedforthisoct2 oh gosh I’m sorry, I didn’t get a notification for your reply! Congratulations to you too. That must be an exceptionally tough situation that he’s in another country. How are you feeling?

I’m going through ups and downs at the moment, feeling pretty negative about it all today! No idea if he’ll be there at the birth. I haven’t seen him for a couple of weeks. He’s been spending any free time he has drinking, feel like he’s avoiding me. We were supposed to be seeing each other and seeing how things went, but now feel like he isn’t even bothering to put the effort in. I hadn’t thought about birth certificate but I posted a thread about baby’s surname on here the other day and had a lot of responses telling me to not put him on it, and let him prove himself and apply to court for parental responsibility. My friend is a solicitor and I’ve asked her to find out the pros and cons for me. I don’t want to sound like I’d be leaving him off the certificate out of spite, or assuming that he’s going to be a deadbeat without giving him a chance. It’s still such early days. What about you, what are you thinking?

Hi ladies can I join?
Congrats to you both. I am 14 weeks tomorrow and my fiancé left me a week ago. I am pretty heartbroken and scared at the prospect of doing everything alone. Would be lovely to chat ❤️

@Emmaemma23 congratulations to you too, and I’m so sorry to hear how you’re feeling at the moment. I hope I don’t sound insensitive, but do you think there’s any chance of things working out? Why did he leave? Plenty of women do this alone and they’re absolutely fine, and although it’s not what we might have imagined for ourselves, we do what needs to be done and we will be okay.

@swiftt
Hi love,
Unfortunately I don't think we can resolve it. He doesn't want to be with me 'right now' but I can't wait around for him to commit, it's not fair. Also the way he has treated me I don't think I can go through it again.

Hope you are okay ❤️
It would be lovely to stay in touch I know how lonely it can be trying to do it alone! How are you feeling about it?

@Namechangedforthisoct2
How are you doing?

@Emmaemma23 oh I’m so sorry. I think being pregnant is hard enough, let alone having to deal with the stress of a break up. You will be absolutely fine though, and I’ve heard stories from single mums who say that it’s easier in a way! Do you have lots of support from family and friends?

Not sure how I’m feeling at the moment. Still haven’t let myself get excited, as there’s just too much to worry about just now. I’m still struggling to come to terms with this not being how I ever imagined it would, if that makes sense. I always saw myself having kids, but not like this.

@Namechangedforthisoct2
@swiftt
How are you ladies getting on? :)

@Emmaemma23 hello! I’m doing okay actually, 30 weeks this week and struggling with PGP but feels like the end is in sight at least! Been a few ups and downs with the baby’s dad but he’s been supportive on the whole, and his parents are over the moon to become grandparents. It’s lovely to know that they want to be so involved. How are you doing?