Having another boy - #2

[whatwouldidowithoutu]

Thought I’d make a separate thread as it’s a similar discussion but I don’t think I’d go as far as to say I’m heartbroken. We found out yesterday that our second baby is another boy. I’d known all along, guess it’s mother’s intuition? Our three year old boy is so happy. My husband is happy either way, I’m happy that we have a healthy baby yet there is a bit of sadness lurking around too. Is that normal?

Whilst part of me envisages my two boys playing together (and fighting) I also feel sad that I may never experience the kind of relationship I’ve had with my mother. I’m not a girly girl so I’m not talking about barbies, manicures and pink dresses. More so just the way I can talk to her and love spending time with her just us two. I’ve read so much about the whole ‘boy for life until they take a wife’ thing and that’s in the back of my mind too.

Sorry I’m rambling now, would love to hear back from other mums with boys. If anyone knows of any decent books regarding this please let me know!

I’m due boy number 3 and feel the same sadness re not having a girl. I think it’s fairly normal if you have ‘all the same’. Maybe women have more of a preference for girls, as I imagine men do for boys as it’s what we know!

Having experience of two boys, it’s honestly amazing. They get on so well, have such a special bond (I hope it lasts). It’s cheaper, they like the same things, lots of handmedowns

Please don’t feel guilty & I’m sure we will both be fine once the babies are born

Also, I know lots of women who aren’t close with their mums (me included) and men who are. I don’t believe that stereotype necessarily although it’s shit people do say to you, I’ve had stupid comments and it hurts.

I have two girls, but just want to say gender disappointment is so real and you shouldn't feel ashamed. When I found out my second was a girl, I felt such disappointment as I really wanted one of each. Obviously you are just happy they are healthy but there is nothing wrong with preferring one sex over the other.
My girls are 15 months and 1 week old and I wouldn't change anything at all now.
It will take time, but you will get use to the idea... It will be so nice for your little boy to grow up with a brother!!
Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

I was very happy with my boys but I got quite down with everyone else’s reaction post birth. So prepare yourself for the commiseration of ‘oh ta boys that’s a shame’ etc etc. ‘I was lucky to have one of each’ - so are we unlucky then?

My brother has a really sweet/close relationship with my own mum so I don’t think I have ever feared that side of things. Other than the odd dress I would have liked to buy it’s not been an issue but I can understand and think it’s very ‘normal’ to feel this way.

I have felt the way you feel now. It does pass especially when you meet your new baby
Just to add though you could have a girl that gets on better with her dad. Nothing in life is guaranteed. I'm from a boy girl family. We are not particularly close.

I don't understand the whole 'a girl's yours for life, a boy's yours until he finds a wife' malarkey.

My grandma had a load of children (equalish number of boys and girls). Most live nearby except one girl who emigrated far away and one boy who moved an hour away and still sees her regularly.

My DH loves his family but can go ages without spending time with them. My BIL sees his mum a few times a week.

I'm one of two girls. I'm really close to my mum and speak to her every day. My sister loves her but is far more independent...

Surely it depends on individual relationships/personalities far more than biological sex? (Or maybe I'm biased because I'm expecting my first baby and he's a boy )

Anyway, you can't help your feelings so don't feel guilty. But do try and concentrate on the lovely bond you're about to create with your new little boy

Thank you all so much for the kind words. It’s still so fresh in my mind which is why I think I still feel a bit sad. Said to my OH this morning that I’m not going to push the sadness away, just sit with it for a while and let it go. Echoing what someone has said above re other people’s reactions! I mean, rude? We’ve already had ‘ah another boy, are you ok?’ Or course we’re okay. Really annoys me.

Sorry - I misunderstood the OP. I've reported my last post.

I have 2 boys and they are so close and will only be 2 school years apart, they are still young but I can't wait to hear the conversations they will have and watch them share common interests. Once your baby is here you won't care about their gender you will love them regardless. Don't worry 💗

Totally normal. You’re not sad for the boy you’ll have but the daughter you won’t. I have 2 DS and they are so different that it shocked me! However there is def something in not being able to pass down your experiences as a woman to a daughter - like first periods, body changes etc etc. As much as people claim gender doesn’t matter - it’ll be my husband who has to teach them about “men” things like that.
Def right to sit with the sadness and just work through it. It’s v confusing as I love ds2 so much I would never ever ever wish he was anything other than he is - but it doesn’t mean I don’t grieve what I never had!
(Have actually just found out I’m pregnant again - a slight shock - and I won’t lie I’m terrified it’ll be DS3 and I’ll struggle to get my head around it. I know of course I would and I’d never be able to imagine my life any different but I can’t lie I will be a bit shaken if it is. (Finding out at 20 weeks as need time to process)

It's really common. I think more so with boys. Echoing what someone said above re men wanting sons and women wanting daughters.

There's no right or wrong answer for you but I highly recommend taking your time to accept whats happening, and most importantly, move on. The only thing you can focus on right now is the sex of your unborn baby. That is all you know. You don't know his eye colour, hair, shape of his little nose and his wonderful personality. This will all come in time.

When I struggled with GD after we found out about our second son, I came up of a nice solution to the sadness. That maybe after all, everything is planned and mapped out. That second little boy is coming into your family for a reason. Or many reasons. The timing is always right. Trust what is happening and let it go. X

I have 2 boys with a small age gap. I love that they share many of the same interests and get on really well together most of the time. They will play for hours together. I had all the usual disappointed reactions, mainly from strangers when DS2 was newborn. I really wasn’t disappointed. I love having two boys. They are like chalk and cheese in many ways and very competitive, but they are very, very close. They look similar and often get mistaken for twins by strangers.

Now pregnant with DC3 after a long gap. Have a feeling it’s a girl as pregnancy has been very different and I just have that inkling. DH would choose a girl if you did get to choose. I’d probably choose another boy as it’s now my comfort zone! But we’ll both be happy either way.

I have 2 boys with a small gap plus an older girl, so I don't know how I'd feel without her, but when we found out youngest was another boy I defo had a pang of sorrow that she would never have a sister (she actually has 2 much older half sisters but they are not really in her life) and that I wouldn't get to do the girl thing again but actually, I love having my two boys. One is very like his sister, one not, both beautiful kids, eldest can be very sensitive and caring and we have a lovely bond. It'll be ok. You feel how you feel.

I've two boys 13 and 11 now and it's lovely - they love being brothers and are as thick as thieves and unlike the cliches they don't fight, they're usually giggling or gaming together and both are sweet decent lovely kids who give hugs and make good tea!

It'll be fine honestly x I might have liked a daughter when we were starting out but now even if someone could guarantee my next would be a girl I wouldn't bother tbh, we're complete as we are.

It's lovely that you're close with your mum but not every woman is, and there are plenty of men who are. No reason you can't have the kind of lovely relationship where you just sit and spend time together with both of your sons.

Such lovely and kind responses thank you all. It has definitely settled down and sunk in now, I did have a little cry last week but just the idea of two boys together feels special.