Shared Paternal Leave

[TheClash77]

Hello,

Just wondering if any other expectant parents are now considering Shared Paternal leave?

My job is now full time based from home and I am the main earner with the benefit of working very flexible hours within the day - basically as long as the work gets done I don't have to stick to a set 9-5 at all.
My partner however, his job involves a lot of external site work which in turn means he is not home often.
So we have decided that he will take the majority of the shared paternal leave, and that way we can both be home together to help raise the little one.
Also I feel happier that he will be home and not out and about on sites etc especially in these covid times.

Are any other couples thinking that now shared paternal leave could work a lot more in your favour that it might have done previously?

We live in Italy. When we had our first son, I took 2 weeks off work and then we both worked part time for the rest of the first year. This worked really well for us and was facilitated by the fact that my husband's work allow new parents to work part time on full-time pay for the first year. We will be doing the same with this second child, although I might take slightly longer off work, since we'll have a toddler PLUS a newborn.

How can you be looking after baby while you’re working, even if you're at home? About to have a baby and my husband will be working from home, which will be handy as he can bring me snacks and hold baby for a bit if need be, but he’ll predominantly be working?

It's actually really easy to work whilst looking after a baby until they're around 7 months old, as long as you are flexible on times (I am - I'm a freelance translator). Small babies sleep for most of the day. The rest of the time, they're feeding. I used to stick a pillow on my lap and breastfeed the baby whilst typing out a translation.

The point is my partner will be the primary carer, hence taking the shared paternal leave, he won't be working at all. It is something we have thoroughly discussed, and sought both legal and employment advice on. With me being the main earner financially it also makes the most sense for us.
Was just wondering if other people who's partners have jobs that are not home based but the mothers is, are now considering SPL too.

This sounds like a good idea to me, I would consider it too if I was the main earner (and didn't hate my job)

Just FYI it's Shared Parental leave not paternal

Ha! Baby brain today!! Yes of course, parental :)

I think how feasible this is depends on whether you are breast feeding. if you are, you might find that you are doing that for hours and hours each day, which can be OK but can be painful/ a struggle - and doing the night wakings too because baby needs a feed each time - and working. DH will be minding a sleeping baby (watching netflix) and getting a decent night's sleep and off work. Sounds like it could lead to resentment.

I'm strongly in favour of men being the primary carer for a period of time but if you are going to breastfeed they can't really be the primary carer while you are doing it - tiny babies spends a lot of time feeding. Where I've seen friends try to do 50-50, I've always thought the woman got a really crappy deal - on the man's work days he would just trug off to work 9-5; on the woman's work days she'd be trying to get on with work in the spare bedroom whilst the rest of the family are banging around downstairs, and get interrupted for a feed every time the baby wakes up.

I'd suggest, if you really want to do this from the start, consider formula feeding. Or, if you want to bf, your husband takes over as main carer a bit later (like 4 months or so) when the feeding is a bit less constant and the baby is awake more so there are non-feeding ways he can interact with it.

We have already sought advice from a lactation specialist, who is also booked in with us for 2 post birth sessions.
We are going to bottle feed but with my breast milk pumped.
She was fantastic in all the advice she offered and cane highly recommended by friends who also bottle fed with breast milk their two children.

Obviously if the little one rejects the bottle altogether, which many do! I will breastfeed and manage my emails around it.
Fortunately I have very few Zoom or Skype calls :)

We have thoroughly considered everything.

The point of my post was to see if other couples were going to take advantage of SPL especially in this current Covid climate.
It’s definitely opened this opportunity up for us as I’m permanently home based now.

Ah OK, in that case it will be fine - I actually did the same with my kids because we wanted DH to be able to actually look after them but have given up suggesting it as you tend to get a flurry of 'ohh expressing is double the work' (I didn't think so).

I definitely think going this route will be easier if you are able to work from home as expressing in a room at work is a bit grim.

BTW I don't think many babies refuse a bottle if given from the start - I think the problem is that you tend to get advised (as far as I can tell, it's not really good advice) not to give one for 6 weeks - which does make it more likely they will refuse.

DH and I did shared parental leave -he took 2 weeks paternity leave directly after Ds was born, and then I had mat leave for 6 months. DH then had 3 months at home with Ds and I went back ft. After 3months DH and I both went back to work 4days a week as Ds in nursery. This time(currently 8wks preg) I am going to take 9months and DH will stay 4days a week so that we have a day in the week when we are both home for Dc.

@TheClash77 With my first I went back to work after 16 weeks leave and my wife took the rest of the year off. We did this for a number of reasons and it worked out really well (mostly). I worked from home 1 day a week so I didn't have to take a pump to the office 5 days a week as I bf until DS was 19 months. With that respect I would say its much more efficient to bf rather than pumping so I would keep your mind open about that. Also, check your works policy on returning to work whilst bfeeding as most companies have policies out there that allow you to return whilst also feeding a child which should still apply now that we are all at home. DS also hated a bottle and would literally just get by the days I wasn't there (not ideal but hey ho we made it). DS decided it was better to get his daily intake overnight... so nice of him

I would suggest making sure you know exactly what you're entitled to pay wise as this something that wasn't clear from either of our work and we didn't get a fully picture until my wife was about to go on leave.

I would highly recommend it as it provides a partner the chance to bond with the small human.

@LifeIsBusy Thanjs for your post. I was really just posting to see if other people were planning on taking SPL like we are.
My contract is now permanently based from home with the London office sold.

I’m definitely keeping an open mind about all types of feeding, but our preferred is bottle with breast milk, but as I’ve previously said if little one doesn’t want a bottle then I’ll happily breastfeed.

As I said, the point of my post was literally to see if other couples had thought about taking SPL now that more people have the opportunity to work from home.
It would be nice to see more than a 2% uptake on SPL.

We did SPL with my DS, who is now 2 - it worked brilliantly for us, and I highly recommend it. I honestly think it's why we're the most equal couple I know and I really think it's a shame more people don't do it.

I will say - we did it from six months (I went back to work full-time, DH was at home until DS was 9 months) and I worked from home about 50% of the time in the job I had then; I found me wfh while DH cared for DS didn't work very well, and I actually ended up working out of the house much more than I usually would. I think you have to be incredibly disciplined to do it - and catching up on work in the evenings was not something that I found at all easy when I was so sleep deprived, so flexing my hours was a lot less possible than it had been before him.

As I said, I really recommend it so I'm not saying don't do it, just also don't underestimate how challenging it might be. Also, I'm sorry but - 'We have thoroughly considered everything.' is never true before the baby actually gets here!

@TheClash77 I think it would be nice to see others take up the opportunity but I think at this point its something that most partners don't often consider. This time round I'm taking the majority of leave and we're unsure if we're going to use SPL due to a change in my company policy on leave.

I don't think COVID would increase the likihood of people choosing SPL especially since a large proportion of the population are now working at home but obviously in your situation it works out for the better.

Re feeding - I wasn't trying to provide judgement, more insight as you mentioned it in a previous post and I was in a similar situation last year. Make sure you look into pace feeding, its not overly mentioned here in the UK but is something really important if you have any sort of goal in mind regarding feeding and expressing.

@LifeIsBusy I’ll have a look into Pace Feeding, thank you. Haven’t heard of that.. There’s so much to take in and learn! One of the many reasons I’ll be happy to have my partner home with us for a while :)

@LifeIsBusy Just found an article, yes, our lactation lady called it responsive feeding, so yes, had heard about it.
Thank goodness... was worried there was a whole new thing to get on board with!

@TheClash77 I was definitely happy to have my wife at home for the first month and glad for the support. Good luck on the crazy journey.

@TheClash77 we basically did exactly this.

I WFH and am our main earner. I took 3 months, and then teacher DH took over for the next 5. I then took a further 2 months over his summer holiday.

It worked really well. I breastfed the whole time, DH just brought the baby in to me when she needed a feed, and i got to spend lots and lots of time with her. DH got to be a completely equal parent, and he is so, so happy we were able to work it so he could be home with her. He's now back part time, with DD in nursery the rest of the time, if we could afford it he'd be a SAHP.

Sounds like a really good plan to me OP, although I will say that I pumped for my twins (12x a day for 7 months due to low supply - still had to supplement, didn’t even make enough for one) and it was really tough. You have to pump through the night to maintain your supply, which may be a struggle if you’re also working full time. Not trying to put you off, but it’s difficult to fully understand how draining and stressful pumping can be until you’ve done it. My advice would be to keep an open mind and figure out what works best - it’s very unlikely a newborn won’t take a bottle at all, so I doubt that will be an issue :) It’s good that you have support already in place for feeding and your partner too, sounds like you’re going to do great whatever happens.