38+5 and not excited :(

[Coopsy92]

I’ll be 39 weeks pregnant on Thursday with our first baby and I don’t feel excited. So many other people I know can’t wait to meet their babies, but I don’t feel like that. I feel overwhelmed, anxious for what is to come and scared that I won’t be able to cope and that I will miss my old life. Has anyone else felt like this or should I be worried? This was a planned pregnancy but I just can’t comprehend how my life is about to change forever. I’m not desperate to go into labour like many are - when it happens, I think I’ll be scared, not excited. Any advice or solidarity would be much appreciated. I just hope I fall in love as soon as I see her.

Oh OP it’s overwhelming, but babies are so much nicer on the other side of the womb, I think! It’s a huge change for you both. But you are in it together.

My first was unplanned and I was pretty much in denial for 9 months, I just didn't get excited at all, in fact I was like that until he was 2 weeks old. I had nothing ready, nothing bought, I had to get dh to go shopping with a massive list. At 2 weeks I fell in love and now 19 years later I'm still completely besotted with him, he's a pita but I wouldn't be without him. I even went in to have another!

Don’t worry, that’s so so normal I promise. It’s very hard to love the abstract idea of a baby before it arrives. Also don’t put loads of pressure on yourself to have that immense rush of love when the baby is born that people describe. I thought my DS was amazing when he came out but it took a while to truly have that maternal love and bond that other people describe. I don’t think I am that unusual. Good luck for the next stage. You’ll be great 🙂

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself to feel a certain way. Not everyone feels the same. I think the first time I just felt like I wanted to get the birth over with because I was so uncomfortable and fed up of being pregnant. I don't think I was excited particularly. I was definitely anxious about it as well. But there's no need worrying about something that hasn't happened yet, just take it moment by moment and deal with it as it happens. Also don't underestimate hormones and instincts, you will know what to do with your baby when it comes and anything else you pick up very quickly. Good luck, don't over think it

Agree with @Foreverbaffled - don’t necessarily expect a rush of love, that kind of thing develops over time! The hormones and adrenaline will carry you through a feeling like love, but that can dip and wane too along with the tiredness, soreness, anxiety and all the other many many feelings in the hours, days and weeks post birth. It’s OK to not be excited at this stage because you’re probably so uncomfortable as well as having done most of this pregnancy in unprecedentedly strange and sad circumstances. But just try and go with the flow. It is doubly hard to not be able to spend these last few weeks doing all the things you’re told to do before birth (see friends! Go to the cinema! Go out for lunch!) but do be kind to yourself and if you can do something you enjoy, take all the opportunities to do it.

You will miss your old life, and for a few weeks you won’t feel like you and it’ll seem like the old you will never come back. But she will, I promise. I remember sitting on my bed at about 7am one morning, week-old DS finally asleep on the bed rather than on my shoulder, and sobbing as I thought I’d ruined my life. But it got better, then worse, then better, and ebbed and flowed like that for a few weeks until it suddenly all came together. And it was still difficult after that, but less so and less often.

I wish you the best of luck for a safe and easy birth

Thank you all, I think I’m definitely comparing how I’m feeling to how others seem to be feeling and I suppose it’s different for everyone. That’s a good point that some people want to go into labour as they are fed up of being pregnant, I’ve been lucky and had a good pregnancy so I haven’t got to that point where I feel like I’ve had enough and still feeling pretty well. Fingers crossed things will change once she is born, even if it’s not straight away. Thank you

Had similar feelings OP. Planned but feared for my carefree lifestyle . Felt like I must be a selfish , horrible person . Now 2 weeks post partum I’m in love with him but will still want a life. I can see how I can do both and I don’t need to be ‘mumsy’ or boring. My husband will be able to babysit and I will go out with my friends again .

Tbh with coronavirus one positive is that nothing else is going on . So all you can do is stay home and love your baby without feeling like you’re missing out on your old lifestyle . You have time to figure things out.

Watch out for baby blues. I cried for days but by day 10 I felt like me again . Your hormones drop so quickly it’s scary and you can’t fathom why you’re so teary. Totally normal but watch out and put it into context knowing it’s chemical and likely to end quickly .

I felt exactly the same, I was worried I would hate maternity leave and the change from having a busy job, the freedom to meet friends whenever I wanted etc.

Here I am 11 months later and wish I could be a stay at home mum and dreading returning to work etc. It is amazing how quickly you adjust to having a baby and there is still time to still be yourself, meet friends, go for a beauty treatment etc.

Wishing you all the best with the birth and arrival of your LO

I felt a bit like this although for different reasons. I had a loss before and didn't believe I would bring my baby home. I had an ELCS at 39 weeks and sitting in the ward that morning still wasn't excited. I'd read so many threads on here about difficult babies and was worried about how I would cope.

They sat him on me in theatre and I just looked at him. I didn't feel a rush of love or anything like that. I mean he was cute but that was about it. For weeks I went through the motions of looking after him because that's what I had to do. In my case I did have quite severe PND and it was only when I got that under control that I started to really feel that love.

I share that not because you necessarily have PND but because DS is just perfect. My slow connection and lack of excitement has not had any impact on him. He is the happiest easiest baby in the world. Not every baby is difficult. If it wasn't for lockdown we are still able to do lots of things that we enjoyed before, we just take him with us and he's happy to be spending time with us. Your life will change but it doesn't have to be unrecognisable.

Omg I could have written this. I'm 37+2 FTM and feel the same way. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited, or saying how excited THEY are, but I'm just not feeling that at all. It wasn't a planned pregnancy, but over the course of the 9 months I have gotten used to the idea, and feel ready-ish, but I am: terrified of labour; dreading the sleepless nights; worried about whether I'll bond with my son; overwhelmed at the thought of what life will be like as a mum. So no, you are not alone in how you feel at all!! I am just taking each step at a time and keeping an open mind about everything... but just can't get to the levels of excitement other people seem to expect of me!!