What support do you get?

[cloudydays7]

Hi I'm 36 years of age and about to TTC our first baby. I'm excited at the thought but I am a worrier and an over thinker and I just want to know how much support do you actually get from health professionals, midwives etc when you do actually become pregnant. I worry about my age especially and the chances of something being wrong with the baby due to my age.i would just like to think that when you do become pregnant you have got that someone there to reassure and help on a personal one-to-one level( I know I have MN to turn to as well ☺️)

I do think why am I worrying about things like this as I am then putting myself through it all when there may be no need to worry whatsoever.

Not a huge amount really. You just have your booking in appointment with the midwife at about 10 weeks, see them for 20 mins at 16 weeks and then about 15 mins every couple of weeks from 28 weeks. Scans at 12ish and 20 weeks as standard. That’s about it. Ive had a number to text my midwife if I have questions but that’s unusual.

What sort of support are you expecting?

You can ring your midwives if you have any concerns. What would you need support with?

Honestly very very little. They just don't have to the time to reassure and support to a great level. I've had seven pregnancies not all of them successful, during my first pregnancy which was very straight forward I remember thinking the midwives weren't very supportive and I didn't really see anyone for ages at the beginning.
However when the shit hit the fan and I lost three babies they were amazing and that's when I realised that that's when you really need them and they rightly prioritise the women that need help.

Could you maybe look into hiring a doula or private midwife?

To be fair I thought like you but when your little one is actually here I am sure you will be absolutely fine. I had my first at 38 and second at 39 (both teens now).

It's also very unusual to see the same midwife more than once (certainly where I live) so there is no personal relationship or 1 to 1 thing.

In my experience the support I had was good when I managed to contact anyone, or when I had complications, but as far as general questions/anxieties went Mumsnet or friends were better than trying to contact a midwife. I thought you had 'your' midwife who you'd build a rapport with and be able to ask things outside of appointments but the reality is you very likely won't have one person dealing with you consistently. This isn't always a negative but it's good to have realistic expectations.

There is no personal 1-2-1 care. Especially at the moment

It's Unlikely you'll see the same midwife twice. Youll feel like you repeat yourself over and over as you don't have that one person that knows your entire personal history. You'll get a list of midwives and their numbers and you just work down the call list if you need to get hold of one.

The Booking in appointment at 8 weeks is done over phone - the old "Green Notes" folder is now mostly an app where they never bother publishing the information to so you can see it
16 week appointment and then 28 weeks.

What I would say is that during pregnancy - even for your first - you are very much expected to have your big girl pants on and take responsibility for your own care. Real life isn't like Call the Midwife and every mother to be has "anxiety" so don't expect to be treated with kid gloves. Midwives aren't their to hold your hands or offer too much reassurance. We have access to an infinite amount of information via the internet and books these days and are expected to use it.

You won't get a scan until 12 weeks unless you are experiencing bleeding. reassurance scans aren't offered as standard so look for a private ultrasound clinic if you feel you need one.

Age 36 you really aren't that old these days to be having a first baby

I know all that sounds pretty bad but that being said when you do happen to meet a midwife in person in my experience they've all been lovely

It is possible to have the one-to-one care you speak of, but it's down to your hospital, how the teams there work, your own birth choices, and above all, doing your research on all that and advocating for yourself.

If your hospital has a team that offers caseload care, try to see if you can be referred to them. At my trust they take on women with mental health issues (though not sure if "generally anxious ftm" would count tbh!) and those considering home births. I'm on this team for the latter reason, and have a named midwife who I can call at any time and will do all my pre- and post-birth care, as well as (hopefully) attend my birth. Though tbh it's a bit wasted on me, as I've come to understand from these forums that I am quite laid-back for a ftm! Maybe too much so 😂

Also, I'd echo what others have said, 36 really is not that old. I was 36 when this baby was conceived, 37 now. I've had no age-related issues at all so far, and just the other day my midwife described me as a "completely average" age for a ftm! (I had been questioning whether I needed some specific testing due to my age, which she more or less laughed off.)

If you re considered low risk then you aren't guaranteed to see the same midwife all the time and the support is quite minimal, I ve seen 9 different ones for the 9 appointments I ve had (all but one have been lovely though).

The one time I had a concern the internet couldn't answer I rang triage who checked me out but that was on the NHS list of symptoms you have to seek advice for just incase otherwise I wouldn't have bothered.

My main support has been Google and mumsnet really.

Surprised at a PP's comment about not seeing the same midwife more than once; except for a couple scans at the hospital I have only seen one community midwife through my whole pregnancy.

Honestly OP you do feel a bit left to your own devices at first, and while I hope this isn't the case going forward covid may well make things worse. I was told not to expect a face to face appointment apart from scans till I was 32 weeks! Fortunately it didn't pan out that way and I've been seen regularly since 24 weeks, but just letting you know that that was in people's heads at one point!

Still though, whenever I've had real concerns, I've been able to get help.

I'm 38 and a first time mum, 35 weeks now. I'm not sure what support you normally get pre-covid, but I've had very little. So far I've had one face to face appointment with a qualified midwife during my entire pregnancy! All antenatal classes are cancelled, but you can pay to do them online privately. Ive also paid for a number of private scans so my partner could see the baby. If you have the money to do it, you can always hire the services of a private midwife or doula to help you through your pregnancy. Just don't rely on antenatal care from the NHS, its a postcode lottery at best!

On the plus side my age has never been mentioned as a risk factor, I dont think anything under 40 is considered an older mum anymore.

Thank you all for your replies! They have reassured me a lot tonight. 🤗

I guess it depends on your area. My first and second pregnancies I saw the same midwife the whole way through. Only been to booking appointment with my midwife so far, but she’s the same midwife I had with my first so I know her pretty well.

I'm finding the care pretty crap this time round! Different midwife every time, and haven't been asked about mental health since my booking appt at 8 weeks (I'm nearly 30 weeks!). Was called into triage once due to a urine result which needed further investigating, and they were good, but I'm not impressed with the community care compared to my first pregnancy.

I'm based in the East of England and have to say that with both my first and current pregnancy (now 20 weeks, I'm aged 34) I've found the support really good. Early on in pregnancy you don't see or hear from anyone that often unless there's an issue, but my community midwife is based at my GP surgery so always see/speak to the same one, and I have a number to call for any queries. I also have a dedicated perinatal mental health midwife due to my depression, and she has visited me at home once a month - I realise this is out of the ordinary though and based on my individual circumstances. I've had one face to face standard midwife appointment plus my 12 week and 20 week scans, and have another f2f appointment booked at 24 weeks. With my last pregnancy I was lucky to have a great health visitor who supported me a lot after the birth, not sure what will happen this time round with covid. It sounds like the support you get is hit and miss dependent on where you live and your circumstances - as a pp said, support is rightly given to those most in need, so I guess it's a good thing if you don't really need that much! I also found my NCT group invaluable towards the end of pregnancy/post-partum, and there are a couple of apps you can use to meet like-minded mums/mums to be which are also good.

I'm 35 weeks, have had two phone appointments, two scans, and three face to face appointments. I do have the number for the ward and also for my community midwife (with whom I've had the two phone appointments and two of the face to face ones.) I've not used the ward number at all but a couple of times I've texted the midwife about something which isn't urgent but I'm not sure about and she's good at getting back to me but obviously I would ring the ward if it was urgent so I don't expect her to get back to me straight away!

Until my 12 week scan I was basically told there was no point contacting the midwife or the maternity ward unless I had significant bleeding, and to be honest I didn't have much contact with them in the second trimester - they listened to baby's heartbeat for the first time at 28 weeks, for instance - so if you want continuing reassurance for the first and second trimester, I think you're going to need to book some scans/midwife appointments privately.

I personally did find the gaps between the 12 week and 20 week scans, and between the 20 week scan and the 28 week appointment quite tough so if I was going to book a private scan or anything, I'd have gone for the middle of one of those gaps. But that's probably quite personal.

I've always had really excellent care here in the South West. This pregnancy my booking-in at 8 weeks was the only appointment that hasn't been face to face, as that was during the first lockdown. I still had to pop in to have the usual blood tests etc. I usually see the same lovely midwife, and she should be able to be with me in labour too. I can text or phone her any time if I have any worries.

Do have a look at this link as it explains all the standard appointments you will be offered. Whether they will be face to face depends on the covid policy of your local trust. www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/antenatal-appointment-schedule/ I've actually found facebook to be the best place to get updates on any changes my trust brings in - I'm mainly interested in their rules regarding my parter accompanying me to scans and on the labour ward etc. See if you can find the page of your local maternity unit.

I'm 35 and my age hasn't even been mentioned this pregnancy. I hope that puts your mind at rest!

Slightly against the grain here. I saw the same midwife throughout all 3 of my pregnancies. (I’m in Scotland maybe things are different up here). With my most recent pregnancy my midwife was wonderful. I adored her and felt very supported by her. She had a work mobile which I had the number for and we spoke a few times between appointments.

If you want loads of support and chat though maybe a doula or private midwife or hypnobirthing course might provide that.

I’ve had 2 children in the past 4 years, now expecting my 3rd. I think you may need to lower your expectations somewhat. I didn’t have an awful lot of contact with the midwives throughout either of my first pregnancies, just the bare min appointments they list on the nhs website. I didn’t have a specific midwife and I don’t think I ever saw the same person twice. I didn’t have someone to refer to as “my midwife” even if I technically was allocated one, I’ve no idea who it was meant to be. I was sent for extra scans with my first due to a small bump, this was at the local hospital, I was just scanned each time, everything was fine and I was referred back to the normal midwife care. I didn’t have a personalised service either time, this time even less so with covid as I’ve only seen 1 midwife face to face so far (at 10 weeks) and won’t see another until 28 weeks.

It doesn’t particularly bother me though, I’ve never felt like I needed support and I’ve had healthy straightforward pregnancies. I’m 37 now and apart from the slight increased risk of chromosome abnormalities there’s no reason to worry.

I’m sure if you needed support they would take your calls and answer questions, I’m not sure you’d get extra face to face appointments though unless you had a medical need for them though.

I don't expect much support but was more shocked about the lack of support on the women and baby unit after I had my first, I was less prepared for that than anything. Not the midwives fault, they were obviously run ragged, but I distinctly remember feeling very alone at that point. This is one of the things I'm dreading this time around.

Just to say I’m in the busy South East and have seen the same community midwife for every appointment, as well as being able to text her directly in between appointments. I’ve only needed to a couple of times but that’s been great