Trying again. Triggering. Sorry

[NLBerry]

I’m 43. On Thursday after two months of supposedly being pregnant and hearing a heartbeat, the scan revealed an empty sac. I still feel pregnant - have constant nausea, which used to feel comforting - and will have to have “it” taken out.

I don’t hear many stories from people my age. At the moment I’m very intimated by going through all this again but time is of the essence. We have a frozen embryo which is good quality and I would hope to make more the next cycle That we can do it. I’m concerned about getting more “you’re old” comments from the doctors and also wonder if I’m foolish and just heading for more heartbreak by giving one or two more goes.

We are grieving but it’s the ticking of the clock that’s the worst thing to bear. I understand we need to wait six months before going for adoption. I did love being pregnant. I am pretty positive about adoption. I fear I will regret not seeing this through before this door closes.

I'm so sorry, OP. I had a similar situation a few years ago and I remember the horrible feeling of discovering that the pregnancy I'd thought was progressing fine was actually not to be. Sending you solidarity and support.

I eventually concluded (based on a variety of factors, not just that miscarriage) that my eggs weren't going to lead to a baby. I'd always thought that I wouldn't consider donor eggs, but after I spent some time with the idea I decided to go for it, and that (eventually) did lead to success. That may not be something you'd ever want to consider, but it's an option that's there if you ever choose to explore it - I found that a lot of the 'ticking clock' pressure was relieved by my choice (although not absolutely all of it; I was also thinking somewhat about my age as a parent, too).

Whatever the future holds for you, I wish you the very best for the future. Take care.

Thank you so much for responding. I have been very strongly considering. I don’t know if you know, can top grade embryos be improved on with a donar egg. I’m under the impression that a less than good egg can still lead to a top quality embryo. Mine were top quality - the embryo team were really pleased with themselves. On my first go at IVF I had two put in and one became blighted, we’ve another on ice. Could a younger donar egg make a difference?

...just to add this has been my first and only try. I’ve never been pregnant before.

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand how hard it is to think about next steps due to time pressure when you are still grieving. So sorry.

I think that given you got two top quality embryos first go, and the one transferred did implant...well, it's quite an encouraging result. You have to think about the emotional, physical and financial toll, but I would be tempted to do some more IVF and see if you can get any more transferred and/or 'in the bank. It is a difficult decision but I think you are right about potential regret if you don't try again. X

Thank you @Inkpaperstars. I’ve spent the last 5 hours looking at every comment and newspaper piece I can find about getting pregnant at 43 and am trying to be ok with the idea of not being around past their 20s. My partner is 46 - we just both had our birthdays. It’s becoming an obsession. I have read great things about kids keeping the parents young. And we’re very loving, playful and in good nick. I am an anxious person and fear we’re being selfish. I’ve counselling tomorrow and know helplines will be open for me to talk this through further. I want it to be ok.

Sorry to hear what you're going through @NLBerry. I don't have any IVF advice, but for what it's worth I don't think you're being selfish by wanting a baby in your 40s. There's no guarantee that any parent will be around when their children are adults. You could live to 90 and be around until your child is middle aged. i think growing up with loving, supportive, stable, emotionally mature parents is much more important.

Thanks @sarahb083 we definitely have that covered. I really appreciate the support. I’m on quite an intense tour through the stages of grief. It’s amazing to be able to reach out here. @Persipan thanks to. I’ve a pretty grim appointment on Thursday but I feel I’ve a game plan to discuss starting again and also the possibility of donor eggs. Hope you all have a happy locked down Halloween x

@NLBerry

Thank you *@Inkpaperstars*. I’ve spent the last 5 hours looking at every comment and newspaper piece I can find about getting pregnant at 43 and am trying to be ok with the idea of not being around past their 20s. My partner is 46 - we just both had our birthdays. It’s becoming an obsession. I have read great things about kids keeping the parents young. And we’re very loving, playful and in good nick. I am an anxious person and fear we’re being selfish. I’ve counselling tomorrow and know helplines will be open for me to talk this through further. I want it to be ok.

Hey? For argument sake, say you have a child when your 44, when they are in their 20s, you will only be 64. Why are you thinking about not being alive at 64? That’s pretty young still, especially in today’s day and age

I just had a baby at 43, after a miscarriage last year.

I did worry about age, but to be honest, my cousin lost her mum when she was only 8, her sisters 16 and 18, and their mum only 45. So there are no guarantees of an age my child would get to before I died anyway xx

NLBerry

Am wondering how did you get on with your TTC journey have you had any success since your last post? An turning 43 soon and had a miscarriage 10 months ago and have gotten no where conceiving since it's sad and dissapointing every month

You know, it was really nice to receive your message @Ttc42nearly43. I’ve been a bit down and it gave me a chance to revisit the positive messages from the end of last year. I am doing well. I had to get a mouth abscess sorted out so had to stall IVF for a couple months. I should come on in the next couple of days and then we can use our last embryo. I’m also very excited to say that we have reserved eggs from a donor. It’s taken a lot of processing to get to this point. But I’m hopeful.

You didn’t say in your message if you’re having fertility treatment. If you’re not, I don’t if would or could consider it? I am lucky that I’m still earning in lock down and have more money after giving up an office. I really would urge you to consider it. Or at least get tested? I know how hard the monthly wait is to see if all the well-timed sex has worked.

Either way I really wish you very very well. And do message again x

Hi OP - I’m glad you’re still around. I wanted to chime in and say that I’m 40 and 22 wks pregnant. Husband is 44. This is our 4th baby and has taken numerous losses to get to this point but now we’re here neither of us are worried about our ages. I think having kids definitely keeps you young. Loads of luck with your transfer x

Hi.
I had several of these type of pregnancies/miscarriages where the sac was empty and like you continued to feel very pregnant with each of them until finally they concluded.
Awful situation.
I had a particularly traumatic and difficult one at 42. We made the decision to stop as by then I had had lots of them. I/we had had enough. Couldn’t go on.
Anyway it was out of my hands because I became pregnant very quickly again.
Luckily, i had a healthy baby, I was 43.
There is hope.

That’s amazing @Kroptopbelly. Thanks for sharing

NLBerry

Your news sounds very positive indeed am pleased for you. I have 2 children already and am truly blessed to have them. It has been a bumpy road to get my kids who I love with all my heart. I had 2 misscaridges before having my daughter then another misscaridge before having my son. Nearly 5 years passed then I fell pregnant unexpectedly just as I turned 42 and it has turned my world upside down. I thought I was settled and content but this has opened up a huge big wound for me and has left me with the longing to have another baby. My husband doesn't get it and says if it does happen naturally then it wasn't meant to be. My GP says the same thing but ave booked myself in for a couple of fertility tests to check my FSH and AMH levels at a private clinic this happens next week am scared that they will find something that's not good like maybe I don't have good eggs or not enough eggs. I would love IVF and would even consider a donor egg but my husband would not support this so I will just need to keep hoping that it will happen naturally but I feel that will every cycle that comes and goes it's another month pasted and am another month older.

Am doing ovulation tests and get 2 peak days every month even using preseed and prenatal vitamins have no idea what else am meant to do to help things along.

I'll let you know how I get on with my test results.

What tests did you get done ave done did it help you make the decision about a donor egg and what is the process going for a donor egg?

Good luck x