Step kids found out!

[BunAndOven]

Hi legends.
I'm 5 + 6. Not many symptoms, my first but DH has four who we have 50/50, ranging from 6-13yrs. We have a great relationship.
Obviously we were not planning on telling them until the first scan at least, however SS9 (who is a wiley little thing and been obsessed with us having a baby since we got married a year ago) found baby name books, so went snuffling around some more and found my positive test in my bedside cabinet!
So we didn't really have a choice but to tell him and then the others.
They have all reacted amazingly well, SS9 and SS6 haven't left my side and are very excited.

This is my first, no history of MC's etc.

But now I am so nervous. If something happens it will just be awful for SS9 especially.
I'm not sure why I'm posting as theres nothing much we can do now! Its just adding an extra element of worry.

Any advice??

Well firstly I’d be putting a lock on my bedroom door😂 kids should absolutely not be rooting through parents possessions.

You can't protect kids from bad things. If anything goes wrong they will have to cope with it. I would be enforcing some boundaries though, not acceptable for kids to nose around like that.

Helpful

That was aimed at @Sexnotgender

We have instilled ground rules with him now.

Don't keep used pregnancy tests in your draw🤮

I suppose all you can do now is tell them it's very early in the pregnancy and sometimes things can go wrong. It's a looooong wait now.

I wouldn't be happy about the detective work though.

Drawer! It's drawer. She keeps pregnancy tests in her drawer.

Thanks, I try.

snuffling around is putting it politely, they were snooping where they shouldn't have been.

What's done is done and as you've said you can't change what happens in the future. However, you need to have a firm word about snooping. 9 is more than old enough to know it's wrong to go searching through anyone elses personal space.

Congratulations! As pp said you can’t keep bad things away from kids all the time. He sounds like a lovely child being so happy for you, I know it’s not always the case for stepmums and stepchildren. I’m sure your baby will be very well loved by them! Could you perhaps speak to him and tell him in an age appropriate way that babies this early on are very delicate and it’s best waiting for the first scan to start getting too excited?

Good luck!!

@Sexnotgender

Well firstly I’d be putting a lock on my bedroom door😂 kids should absolutely not be rooting through parents possessions.

Absolutely right. Lessons learnt when my dd2 came down stairs with my purple ‘magic wand’ 😬

I’m surprised that a nine year old would go routing through your bedside cabinets tbh in search of pregnancy paraphernalia.

@KylieSmilie sorry if my dyslexia bothers you but spell check can't do homophones either

I think that kind of snooping is both unusual and unacceptable from a 9yo and would be addessing that.

So many judgemental people! A) we still have our firsts pregnancy test, it's a memento. B) do you not remember being a kid and going through your parents things. 🙄

Congratulations!

Snooping for Christmas/birthday presents is one thing, but snooping for pregnancy tests does seem a little odd!

B) do you not remember being a kid and going through your parents things. 🙄

Absolutely not!

@rhowton

Yes! I put a condom over my whole hand!!!

Thank you @whatthedoodle and @rhowton

I wasn't asking for step parenting advice, or I would have posted on the stepparenting forum.
God help me
As I said we have addressed this firmly with him so nothing else further to say on that.

@whatthedoodle that's a great idea, thank you.

@BunAndOven bloody hell, the perfect parent brigade are out in force on this thread .

To answer your actual question about how to handle if something goes wrong, I'd be inclined to be honest with your step-kids about the risks. How lovely that you have a supportive family, sounds like they're super excited and would be devastated if something goes wrong.

Chatting to them frankly about it would be a great opportunity for them to also ask any questions and you could communicate that you're totally open to them asking you anything at any time. They'd probably appreciate you treating them as adults too :-)

Try not to worry too much (easier said than done)! Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy :-)

Thank you so much @jazzibelle !

I do wonder if they were my children and not my step children if people would be so quick to jump on me. Alas, t'was always thus.

Congratulations. Sounds like hes going to be a lovely if very curious big brother!

Congratulations!
These things happen (and yes I snooped in my parents' room when I was a kid too!)
He's old enough to understand it might not go to plan. I hope everything goes well for you though

Congratulations OP. I have 3 kids. Sadly I’ve also had 7 miscarriages.

With the first we made the mistake of telling our older two (at the time 5 and 7) as soon as I got a positive test. It just didn’t occur to us anything would go wrong. They were devastated when it turned out to be a chemical. However I’ve continued to tell them early each time I’ve got pregnant. Partly because I get very sick and it’s hard to hide. But mainly because my big girls (now 9 and 10) are my family and I don’t want to keep secrets from them. They have coped with my losses much better than me.

I think you need to be open about the chances of things going wrong so that they are not too devastated if the worst happens but I am all for openness and honesty and actually think it’s lovely that they know early.

P.s I’ve got positive pregnancy tests all over the place!