Suspected miscarriage

[EmmyT2020]

Hi all,

Just wanting to reach out for some support if anyone can offer it. Following a private scan and follow up scan at the EPU, I’d been diagnosed with Pregnancy Unknown Location. I then went back to the EPU a week ago for another scan to be told the sac has grown but no other signs of the pregnancy progressing. I’m not sure of my dates but really started to feel something was wrong at this point. Later that evening I had some bleeding and cramping which has continued on and off since, making me believe the worst has now happened. I feel such a mess as well now emotionally. I recently got invited to my friend’s baby shower but just couldn’t even face reading the message. I’ve deactivated my Facebook account too as can’t cope seeing other people’s pregnancy/baby posts. Been in tears nearly every day since the bleeding started and now starting to feel depressed as despite all the pandemic restrictions and long dark nights drawing in, I felt at least I have a baby to look forward to and now even that has been taken away from me. I’m supposed to give the nurse a call on Monday to let her know how my symptoms are and then to take it from there. I’m a teacher so due to start back next week and honestly don’t even know if I can face it. The thought of marking, planning, teaching etc. just seems like a mountain to climb. I’m struggling to get to sleep and my appetite has gone so doctor has prescribed a higher dosage of anti-depressants (I was on them before anyway). Family and friends are being supportive but feeling a little frustrated with my husband right now who I think just believes that we can try again so why am I so upset and that I need to control my emotions more. I feel like I would if I could but I suspect my hormones are all over the place right now. Not sure whether to try and go into work next week or take some time off. Also feel counselling might help but when I rang the Miscarriage Association last week suspecting the worst, I just didn’t find them very helpful. Any one have any recommendations to getting through this as honestly just feels like the worst time of my life right now. Sorry for long post and thanks to anyone reading xx

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I have previously experienced 2 first trimester losses and can relate to a lot of how you've said you're feeling in your post.

I think if I could give any advice from personal experience it would be to just do what is right for you. If that means you feel like you need time off work to process, then definitely do this. If you have days that you don't feel like facing anyone or want to do anything that's okay, or if you want to try and busy yourself as a distraction, this is fine too.

Counselling is a good option. Perhaps you could go down the NHS route and talk to your GP if you felt the MA line wasn't helpful. Your local area may also have an NHS self referral councelling scheme - I know a lot of counties have one called Healthy Minds.

Most importantly, don't let anyone make you feel like you can't or shouldn't process this in your own time and your own way.

I hope this helps

I'm sorry, miscarriages are crap. Absolutely crap. There's not much to help you through it but time. On the hard days I would keep whispering to myself "this too shall pass" and it does after a while. Part of the problem is that early pregnancy is traditionally shrouded in secret so once the pregnancy is lost, no one knew anyway so it's like it never happened and didn't matter. But it matters so much to you. My advice would be to talk to people, as many as you want to. After my third miscarriage I did a social media post, just talking about how it feels and what it's like to go through. I was probably high after the medication from the D&C tbh but I was astounded by the feedback I got from people. People I barely knew pouring their hearts out to me about their own stories. I'm not saying you have to do the same but just know that miscarriage is so common and there are so many people who understand and can support you.

So very sorry for your loss OP. Absolutely agree with previous posts. I've experienced 3 losses and it can be hard to accept that the way you feel is justified in the face of health care professionals who treat it as a routine medical problem but this was your baby and you have every right to feel the way you do.
Possibly not for everyone but I felt very strongly that I wanted something to remember my babies by so I have a bracelet which I've added a new charm to for each of my babies (both losses and the 2 here with me). After my first loss in particular that made a huge difference to me and allowed me to close that initial period of grief I felt. I still feel sad of course but having outward acknowledgement of the losses made me feel much better.
And please don't go to work if you're not feeling up to it, this is absolutely a justifiable reason not to be there (from a fellow teacher) x

Hi everyone,
Thank you for all your comments. It really helps to hear from others who’ve been through it. I have a counselling session booked for tomorrow with Healthy Minds and have asked for more time off at work. It does feel like a rollercoaster of emotions and I’m going through all the bleeding and cramping too so it just feels really hard to stay positive sometimes. Keeping distracted seems my best option at the moment. Thanks everyone x

I’m so sorry for your lose, it is such an awful thing to experience. It happened to me at the beginning of the last lockdown and it really took its toll on me. I had pretty much identical experience to you with private scan, epu then waiting etc. I really struggled to get my head round it and without sound like a cliche, only thing that really helped was time for me to process. My husband also had a similar approach, when can we start trying again etc. One thing I wanted to say is that I did start to feel a bit better after my first period. I don’t know if it was hormones settling or just feeling more like myself again but things just felt more manageable after that. All the other suggestions above are great. Be kind to yourself, it’s hard to see others getting pregnant around you but coming off social media is a good idea. Take your time x

@Lrr31 Thank you for your advice. I’m sure I will get through it eventually, as you say time is a healer :)