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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Single and pregnant - anyone else?

11 replies

swiftt · 27/10/2020 20:03

Hi. I’m 8 weeks pregnant, it was a surprise pregnancy and things were very casual with baby daddy, to say the least. He was really supportive to begin with, considerate, said he would be involved 100%. I gave him the option of just doing things completely as friends if he wanted, but he said we should see how things go so we’ve still been sleeping together and spending a lot of time together trying to get to know each other.

The issue is that he’s been so distant for the past week. It feels like he’s pushing me away. I know it’s still such early days, and I think he’s having a hard time with everything at the moment. But he’s completely shut off and I feel so isolated. He doesn’t say much, I haven’t seen him in over a week and he’s constantly making up excuses to avoid me, or at least it feels that way.

I’m now starting to try and come to terms with the fact that I’m potentially going to be a single parent. I don’t think he’ll completely disappear, but I had a vision of things working out and a nice happy ending. I’m just really struggling with the whole pregnancy not being how I ever imagined it would be.

Again, I know it’s early days and I’m trying to give him the space that he needs and also be there to support him - but at the same time, this is a massive thing for me to process too, and I’m also feeling so nauseous and exhausted and hormonal on top of that. I’ve cried so much today.

I guess what I’m looking for is some input from single parents, or those who are going it alone through pregnancy etc? The funny thing is, I’m 28 and I’ve been single for 4 years so I always said if I got to 35 then I’d just go and do it alone anyway. But the surprise element has really thrown me. I hope I haven’t come across as insensitive to anyone in a similar situation, it’s such a hard thing to talk about, and I do feel so lucky that I have a supportive family and small network of friends. I know it could be worse.

OP posts:
TheFoz · 27/10/2020 20:10

Congratulations!

This is huge for both of you! And on top of it all, your hormones are also raging. Please don’t underestimate any of this. Give him space and take some space yourself. Have you thought about whether you want a relationship with this guy?
You aren’t the first single parent and you won’t be the last, if you have to you will do it. And in many ways parenting alone is much easier.

swiftt · 27/10/2020 20:17

@TheFoz thank you! You’re right - I know plenty of single parents who are doing great. I just never imagined it to be me. I don’t even know if I want a relationship with him at this point. We need to get to know each other better. But he seems to have major issues with communicating, which is a bit of a red flag relationship-wise straight off the bat for me. I don’t want to accept things that I wouldn’t usually just because we have a baby on the way, and similarly he’s said that he doesn’t want to jump into a relationship for the sake of a baby - which I totally agree with. But it just feels like he isn’t even giving it a chance at the moment, and I feel like I am.

OP posts:
singleandttc · 28/10/2020 15:52

Hi @swiftt if everything does go wrong with your OH, you will be absolutely fine. Though it may work out. Try not to worry.

I had an absolutely awful ex husband who I discovered had been cheating on me for I don't even know how long - when I was 7 months pregnant with my first. Honestly, it was so much easier once I got rid of the dead weight. I've been a single mum for 6 years and it's tough at times yes, but it's amazing too. I'm now pregnant with number 2 with a donor. I decided I was too old to wait to see if I meet someone so I'm just doing it on my own. Who needs a man? Lol. No matter what you'll be great.

Gidget19 · 29/10/2020 13:45

Hello, I’m a single mum by choice and now 17 weeks. I got to the 30+ mark and decided that I wanted a child more than I wanted to wait around for a partner that may or may not arrive. Then I found out I was having twins! Not what I bargained for when I decided to do this alone but I know I will cope (eventually) and two babies is a better option for me than no babies. If you have to do this alone you will be ok because you will have to be. I was also raised by a single mum and having met my dad a few times I know for sure my life was better because he decided to stay out of it. Good luck!

Sunbird24 · 29/10/2020 13:50

I’m 42, single, and 5 weeks pregnant after IVF - very similar reasoning to @Gidget19. Not twins though hopefully!

swiftt · 29/10/2020 14:13

@singleandttc wow, your ex really does sound awful! Thanks for the reassuring words. And congratulations on number 2!

OP posts:
Gidget19 · 29/10/2020 14:44

@Sunbird24 congratulations!

swiftt · 29/10/2020 14:52

@Gidget19 @Sunbird24 aw wow - congratulations to you both. Massive props to you both for deciding to do it alone. I think I’m just struggling at the moment with coming to terms with the possibility of going it alone, as it just isn’t something that I had planned for. But we’ll see, I’ll figure it out along the way!

OP posts:
Sunbird24 · 29/10/2020 15:12

@Gidget19 congratulations to you too! And to everyone else on here who’s expecting!
There will obviously be times that are harder by ourselves, but I’m sure there will also be things that turn out to be so much easier!

Mama8765 · 31/10/2020 08:28

Hi,
I'm due our second baby in less than two weeks and my husband walked out six weeks ago, so another single and pregnant lady here.

Whatthedoodle · 31/10/2020 08:37

Hi OP, I Hope things are going well.

I’ve been there, when I got pregnant with my first my partner left me because I didn’t get an abortion. I decided to go it alone but made the mistake of trying to force a relationship between him and my son (with the help of his mum as she was so embarrassed by his actions). Anyway, worst thing I could have done so i just thought I’d share in case it’s something that ever crosses your mind.

Fast forward 5 years, I met my now DP who treats my son as his own, we have our own son together and now a daughter on the way so things worked out well.

I know people say it all the time but becoming a single mum was the best thing that could have happened to me, I had a whole new sense of purpose and independence.

Good luck!

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