I need some help - don’t know where to turn

[theresaplaceforus]

Maybe this should be in postnatal but I think responses may be faster here I’m not sure.

I’m 13days pp. My little girl is lovely, gorgeous and I love her very much, she’s more than I could have imagined, but I am not coping at all. I don’t have a partner but I have family support and friends who support me too but I’m still not coping.
I feel like I want to run away, I’d been so desperate to be a mum but it’s not what I thought it would be. I have already had a readmission back to the postnatal ward because of my little girl had jaundice at 3 days old and we stayed for 3 more days.

I keep crying, I don’t want to have post natal depression but how I feel at the moment is I cannot cope with her level of crying and I just feel absolutely useless. I don’t know where to go or who to turn to and I just want to run away in the night.

I’ve thought about asking if the postnatal ward would have be back again because I felt supported and cared for there but I don’t think they would, I’m probably too far gone past having baby now. I felt I needed some more continuous support from midwives to help me on my way with feeding too as they were so nice to me and now I feel at a total loss. If I closed my eyes and didn’t wake up I feel it would be for the best for everyone.

Please someone help me as to where I should go and what I should do.

Please contact your midwife, you can access the perinatal mental health team for a fair while after birth. In the more immediate term, is there anyone who can come over now and help you out for a bit? Give you a bit of a breather and the chance to rest?

Please phone them now OP, or the midwifery team at hospital, and let them know how you are feeling, they can help.

You need to call your health visitor tomorrow and talk to her

Who is at home with you? DH or DP? If so you need to talk to them about how you feel. Show them this thread if needed but tell them now

Please contact your GP and Health visitor first thing in the morning.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/post-natal-depression/treatment/

This helpline says it’s open every day if you need to chat tonight
pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/

The early days are hard, especially if you are alone. It will get better congratulations on the birth of your daughter

I’m not alone that’s the thing - I don’t have a partner or husband and I chose to have the baby on my own but I am with my Mum for the time besting in a gorgeous house and she is really trying to help me, she has the baby at the moment but I feel useless and like I can’t say how I really feel about anything.

If I call the hospital I don’t know who I would ask to talk to and I know I would just burst into tears, I don’t feel a conversation with a health visitor would help - we spoke on the phone the other day and she asked how I was and I did say I was feeling very anxious but she said it was normal. I know I need some kind of help but I don’t want to be branded as someone who can’t cope because I really do love my little girl I just feel
deserves better than me.

Please please phone your gp or health visitor. I had post natal depression with my first son and I didn’t get help straight away and it got really bad.

You are not alone, you are doing a great job and your lovely little daughter needs her mummy.

It seems daunting but talking to someone about how you’re feeling can really help. I started going to counselling and taking anti depressants (which I know isn’t for everyone) but it really helped me a lot.

You got this mama💖

Do you think there is any chance they could readmit me back to the postnatal ward or is off the cards completely? I feel at a total loss at the moment as to what to do and why I feel like this.

I am not entirely sure but you could always ask.

It will get better, don’t beat yourself up💖

Please call your gp in the morning. The newborn stage is so so hard. I could have written your post when DS was born in January. I really struggled to bond with my baby and honestly felt like all he caused me was pain and stress - I got to the point where I thought everyone would be better off without me. Luckily I got help and was diagnosed with postnatal depression pretty quickly. For me getting on medication really helped.
DS is 9 months old now and even though some days are still hard I can honestly say he is the best thing that has ever happened to me - a love I can’t describe!

Speak to your gp. You might be surprised how you feel just after a conversation.

It is hard and you are doing extremely well. It's overwhelming at first but you will find a groove. And keep posting on here!

She has been crying inconsolably since 1pm I just don’t know what to do anymore or if this level of crying is even normal. I thought it might be colic so I got the drops for her but it doesn’t seem to make any difference at all.

@theresaplaceforus that level of crying isn't normal please take videos of the crying and also what she is like taking a bottle. She could have reflux or cows milk allergy. Colic will only last a couple hours same time everyday if that's what it was. Does she have any symptoms apart from the crying? Defo phone gp and health visitor in the morning explain about baby and yourself

OP, you’ve admitted you need help and that’s such a important step. I had PND after the birth of my son and I was in denial about it for a long time. I called Pandas (as someone suggested above) and they were very helpful, as was my health visitor.

Can you please call your GP first thing in the morning? They will be able to help and it’s so important.

As a previous poster said, your daughter shouldn’t be crying that much so i’d suggest getting her seen by a GP too. Is she feeding well?

I remember crying to my mum when dd was a newborn, that she deserved better than me. It is so so so bloody hard in the beginning.
Please ring your gp/midwife/hv and tell them you need to see someone and be totally honest about how you’re feeling.

There's nothing so isolating as being a new mother... add covid on top and it's no wonder you're feeling shit.

You have support, but it isn't enough right now - and that's allowed. You're allowed to say I need more support. You're allowed to ask for help. If any additional help still isn't enough, can you have a really frank discussion with your current support system about advocating for you?

I do hope you manage to speak to gp/midwives/health visitor/ someone today about what's being going on.

Best wishes.

And congratulations on the birth of your wee one.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter.

Please, as others have said please don’t be too hard on yourself. The days and weeks after giving birth are overwhelming. Even if your baby sleeps, you have support, there are no other issues etc. You’ve just done something that completely changes your life and you are still recovering.

You need to have an action plan and take it step by step so as to avoid feeling like you can’t cope. Because with the right help you absolutely can cope. If we all can so can you.

• contact your HV and GP immediately regarding the baby crying and get advice around investigating possible CMPA as well as colic etc.
• at the same time be honest about how you are feeling. They have heard it many many times before. You are not a failure and how you feel is not your fault if of your making.

Does your mum know how you are feeling? Can she take the baby while you make some calls, have a bath gets dressed just little things to help you have some structure to your day as much as a newborn allows.

You might have PND. You might not. If things with your baby improve you might find some of this lifts and your outlook improves but if it doesn’t then this is why it’s important to seek support and advice because many new mothers experience PND.

I don’t think they re admit you into a ward unless other options have been explored at home and in the community but that dele SS in many factors. I am sure they keep your baby with you too but I’m not an expert.

Let us know how you get on we are all here to support you

*That depends on many factors

Have you been in touch with anyone @theresaplaceforus?

@theresaplaceforus please, please do speak to your HV and GP. My DS1 cried constantly and I mean constantly and only slept for 20 mins at a time - I remember crying to my best friend that he was better off without me. Your baby is definitely not better off without you
As a pp mentioned earlier constant crying could be a sign of reflux or cows milk protein allergy. When DS2 was born he had reflux and when we saw gastro paed he asked about DS1 (then 5) history too. He was so angry when I described how he was as he said he had classic "silent" reflux and CMPA symptoms but we got passed off with colic and gastro bugs. His symptoms were - constipation from birth which then turned very loose and mucousy with occassional bright blood in it, wet sicky burps and extremely frequent sick ups that were curdled and vile smelling, occassionally he would throw up a whole feed, he winced whenever he yawned (acid coming up) and dry skin. On one occassion with DS2 he cried constantly for 5 hours but seemed to pass out and then come round crying again. A nurse in a&e told me it was "classic breath holding" he was 5 weeks old!!!!! Then the Dr we saw told me that babies cry and to basically get on with it. I knew not to be fobbed off again after DS1 and my GP agreed to refer to the gaatro paed who confirmed reflux and prescribed ranitidine which changed everything for us. Neither of them could tolerate being laid down so I was always sat with them up right.
Keep posting here for support

Your little one needs you to talk to someone in real life about how you are feeling, it’s the only thing that will make it better. I’ve been there and have since spoken to other mums about it and they felt the same, you’re not alone and it will get better I promise you

Agree with others. Definitely get help. I had to and I phoned the health visitor and left a message while I was crying. Even if you get upset on the phone, it's fine. They will have experienced all sorts of situations in the past and won't judge you for it.