Can a woman who was previously non-maternal and against children change her mind in her early 40s?

[SunshineandRoses23]

Do you know any cases where a woman spent all her life claming she doesn't like children, doesn't want them, prefers comfortable life and likes to spend money on herself, to change her mind around 40-41? Do you think it could be a bit of a crisis of turning 40 and realising her fertile years are coming to a close, or maybe it's a hormonal change due to perimenopause, or more of an existential crisis? It also started happening not long after her younger brother became a dad, so this could also play a part. She still doesn't like to spend time with the nephew but enjoys looking at his photos and obsessing how adorable he is. This is my family member, and she keeps mentioning she didn't get maternity out of her system and tries to 'mother' her 22 year old sister by calling her 'child' instead of by her first name, and generally seems to try to be super protective all of a sudden. She is also with a partner who doesn't want children, that's what glued them together, lack of desire for children. Do you have any advise on if there's anything to help this family member or just let her deal with her feelings about this on her own?

Stay well out of it. And yes it can happen. Some women find it kicks in suddenly and they become very aware of their biological clock and become very maternal. But honestly unless this is actually about you, it's none of your business and you should just be supportive while she decides what she wants and works out whether that means a change of life/partner etc.

The fact that she refers to her sister as "child" would make her a lost cause in my eyes. That is very weird. I would stay out of it and let her deal with her own feelings because I wouldn't even know where to start.

From my experience on MN, there's also not much you can say to a woman wanting a child without being offensive (e.g. bringing up all the reasons she stated she didn't want a child in the first place).

I think I agree with @Dinosauraddict

I have a family member who has been undecided about children for the last ten years. She is now in her late forties and still talks about it.

It is a strain on her mum and the rest of the family, as we do try to be supportive but it is exhausting. She has spent a lot of money on freezing eggs but it’s clear to the rest of us her window is coming to a close. We wish she would just say out loud that she’s not going to have children, and relax into life as an aunty.

I have children and used to entertain these conversations supportively, and I worried a lot about her. But ultimately it is her life and her decision, and only she can make anything happen. She has an amazing career and loving partner and should be proud of her life.

So by all means listen, but I wouldn’t advise worrying about her, trying to fix things in any way, or start making suggestions. It will just stress you out! It can lead to tension and pressure, and ultimately she is the only one who can make this happen.

A life without children can be completely wonderful- probably better in many ways! Certainly more financially stable! Let her know that you’re proud of her and value her whatever happens, she doesn’t need kids to have a worthwhile life unless she really really wants to

Then go back to your life and leave her be xx