Just here to write my feelings down. Not really looking for advice or to tell me to get over shit. I know I'm being selfish. There are women that can't conceive or suffer losses and I'm just being a spoilt child.
Today I found out my baby was a boy. I know I'll love my boy etc like I did with my 2 others but when I saw that blue confetti I couldn't help but felt the tears rise and I walked out the room and cried and asked someone to hoover them up quickly.
I then asked for the cake that was offered to be made and it was handed to me and was a vegan cake. When I had specifically asked for a non vegan cake for my birthday. (Different family member is vegan ) I cried some more.
This pregnancy is unplanned. My relationship is over, I have a huge age gap, I'm in the middle of uni, working full time and I can't financially afford another baby. My best friend has had a girl and I had all this girl stuff ready for me and now I don't have anything so it's going to cost a fortune.
I've been referred to ante natal depression team and put on tablets so I've done everything I need to do. I just can't shake the guilt of grieving for something that doesn't even exist and never has. Sorry for the whinge x