Relationship struggles

11 replies

Brii94 · 23/10/2020 17:44

Anyone had struggles with their relationship after saying you want to keeo your baby? Im currently 9 weeks and im keeping my baby. My partner who ive only known 6 months has basically had a breakdown. He isnt ready for a baby and says he cant do it. We havent broken up offically ive just given him some space for a few days but panic is starting as i really dont want to loose him.

OP posts:

cat709 · 23/10/2020 19:26

@Brii94
Hiya, I know you posted a few weeks ago about this. How has it been with the partner over the last few weeks? Presume he knows that you're definitely keeping it? X

Aquamarine1029 · 23/10/2020 19:30

You've already lost him, and he doesn't sound like he's worth a shit anyway. You need to get your head around the fact that you are going to be a single mum and start making plans. He will not be around to support you.

ivfbeenbusy · 23/10/2020 19:41

To be fair to the bloke this is a new relationship - 4 months when you first conceived and he didn't want the baby but since it's "our bodies our choice" he has very little say. You just have to give him space and time. Lots of men struggle with the idea of becoming a father whether they've been together 6 months or 6 years and whether the baby was planned or not. Important thing is not to force the issue. You made your decision by keeping the baby so need to be prepared to do it alone. I know plenty of blokes who suddenly changed when the baby arrived though and did go on to become wonderful fathers but you can't rely on that happening so need to plan for the future on your own without him

grassgreenthisside · 23/10/2020 19:46

I don't know what you expect? He has zero control over the situation. Doesn't want the baby and yet is being forced into it.
I'm sure if it was his body he would have had a termination but as women we hold that choice and rightly so but you can't force him to be happy about something he dosnt want. You've been together 6 months. What else's did you expect to happen?

If you keep the pregnancy your a single parent so accept that now and life will be raised

grassgreenthisside · 23/10/2020 19:47

life will be easier

Original poster

Brii94 · 23/10/2020 21:10

@grassgreenthisside i didnt expect anything. Obviously it takes 2 and the pregnancy wasnt planned. Just wanted to see if anyone had had any similar situation as i know it take a long while for some men to process it. I took his feelings in to consideration but in the end couldn't bring myself to abort my baby

OP posts:

Original poster

Brii94 · 23/10/2020 21:12

@cat709 he told me on monday if i keep thr baby he doesnt want to be with me. I took all my stuff from his flat and left but since then has been messaging me saying hes sorry his head is just a mess and says he hopes im ok. We havent offically broken up yet im just trying to give him space

OP posts:

VHSappy · 23/10/2020 21:15

This is very common and I don't think either of you are in the wrong.

I'm a woman in my 30s and I don't want a child, I think if I had to have one against my will I'd have a breakdown too.

What contraception were you using?

perfumeistooexpensive · 23/10/2020 21:16

I had this. I kept the baby and he was with me for the birth. He changed his mind from day to day. In the end he was around for six years on and off.

grassgreenthisside · 23/10/2020 21:32

[quote Brii94]@grassgreenthisside i didnt expect anything. Obviously it takes 2 and the pregnancy wasnt planned. Just wanted to see if anyone had had any similar situation as i know it take a long while for some men to process it. I took his feelings in to consideration but in the end couldn't bring myself to abort my baby[/quote]
But you clearly have some expectations for him as you've posted 5+ posts asking the same thing. You've had 100+ women tell you the same thing.

He dosnt want the pregnancy, he has made that clear. He may "come round" initially but ultimately this was not his choice and he will resent you as much as you would resent him if the roles were switched.

It does take two, I agree, but you have the option to terminate. He does not. He HAS to live by your choice.

Your relationship is over and if you want to raise the baby alone then go for it, he cannot stop you.
But if you think he is just going to "take a while to come around", you are naive. Wether it ends in 2 weeks or 2 years, your relationship will be built on resentment and will end.
You've had 100+ replies on other threads telling you this but keep posting the same question.
K

cat709 · 23/10/2020 21:43

@Brii94
No one on here can give you solid advice, as we don't know him, nor should we base our advice on previous experience. He may come around and be a top dad, or be non-existent. You'll only know once you've given him more time to analyse and think this through - we can't all make life decisions in a couple of weeks.
Do as you said, give him space, concentrate on yourself. And see what happens x

Flip