Just me?

[Lolalola93]

Hello everyone,

First time poster, long time lurker.

I’m not sure if I’m being silly or not and would really like the opinion of you lovely people.

Me and my partner have discovered I am 8 weeks with our first child. We have let both sets of parents know and a couple of close friends.

About 2 weeks ago, I started feeling awful — constantly nauseous and barely able to eat. The last couple of days have been a bit better, thankfully.

But I’ve been keeping a couple things from my partner and everyone else. Normally I am pretty level headed, rationale and emotionally strong however the last couple weeks internally I have been a mess. I don’t know how to care for a baby, I’m terrified I’ll be bad at it, what if it doesn’t like me, what if I can’t bond with it, what if I can’t give it the life it deserves.

The last week or so has been the worst —coupled with the above thoughts, I now have similar thoughts about my partner — maybe I’m not good enough for him, what if he deserves a family with someone better than me, what if he leaves me, what if he thinks I’m a bad mum.

I then go have a shower or a bath and cry (I never normally cry) until I’m utterly exhausted. Come out and go to bed but whilst I’m trying to sleep — I feel ridiculously guilty about how I’m feeling because I should be happy.

Fyi, my boyfriend is amazing and I have never had reason to doubt his loyalty to me. He’s very sweet and caring.

Am I being irrational? Has this pregnancy broken me?

I have my first midwife appointment on Monday and I’m unsure if I should mention this..

Has anyone felt similar?

Sorry for the long post and please let me know if I’m being a brat or selfish because I know I should be grateful

Xx

I think pregnancy breaks everyone at some point.

I am very confident in my parenting ability but I distinctly remember at one point during my pregnancy I was driving home with my partner and I just starting sobbing and panicking.

I think the important thing it whether it develops and gets worse, in which case maybe it would be best to have a chat with your midwife, or whether it's just pregnancy nerves.

Although I definitely think you need to have a chat with your partner!

@Lolalola93 it might be worth mentioning that you're feeling a bit anxious, however I think it might be a normal feeling. When we fell pregnant (planned and our first) i was happy and shocked and scared I was like "what have I done?!" Obviously this baby is very much wanted but theres still the scary reality!
I must say I'm now 38 weeks and I feel totally ready, we've got all the bits, done a few antenatal classes (would definitely recommend The baby Academy, or Blossom Antenatal, think one of them do an early pregnancy class to give you a heads up as to what to expect through pregnancy), read some books. Honestly you've got a long time to settle into the idea and doing things a bit at a time doesn't feel as scary.
Congratulations!!

I'm so sorry that you are feeling like this. I think you should speak to your partner. He sounds lovely and I am sure will be understanding. You should also speak to the midwife on Monday as they might get you some additional support or have an explanation for what you are feeling.

I definitely had moments where some of those thoughts crossed my mind but it sounds like it is consuming for you.

You'll be a great mum :)

I would definitely mention it to the midwife. Prenatal anxiety can be STRONG, especially with all the hormones and not feeling super well.

I'm also 8 weeks and also quite anxious (my anxieties are more around misscarriage than parenting so far, but I'm sure I will get there too!!!).

As others have said, you basically get a lot of training through pregnancy, which should help. I think also ALL first time parents feel like they have no idea what they are doing!