Pregnancy worries and regret

[Emmaleigh77]

Hi guys
I’m hoping someone can relate to me, I feel horrendous for even writing this post but I wanted to know if I am strange to be feeling this way.

I’m 26 and recently found out I’m 7 wks pregnant. I always loved the thought of having a child with my partner but we believed he was infertile so it was always more of a dream.

I found out a week ago that I was pregnant and ever since, I have cried on a daily basis. I feel so low and depressed of the thought of having a child. I struggle with change in general and as much as I always thought I’d love to have a child, now I’m pregnant I’m feeling the opposite.

I’ve spoke to my partner about it and he also doesn’t feel ready. We spoke about termination but we are so worried we will be filled with regret.

I’m worried I’ll not connect with the child and will resent it as I feel my life is over, as silly as that sounds. My friends of the same age also have babies and they have said how happy it has made them, even though they didn’t feel 100% happy throughout pregnancy.

I know deep down I wouldn’t have a termination as this could be our one and only chance but I wanted to see if there was anyone else out there that felt this way and felt different when the baby arrived?

I’m feeling really alone and horrible for feeling this way

Thanks in advance

Hi OP, I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I’m going to share my experience but not to try and sway you in any way. I found out I was pregnant a couple of years ago, like you unplanned with my partner, and I was also devastated. I couldn’t imagine having a baby then and my partner felt the same. I had always been pro-choice but never felt like it was a choice I’d have to make for myself. After a lot of soul searching I decided to have an abortion. It was tough mentally and physically but I can honestly say I don’t regret it. I felt only relief. I am now 7 weeks pregnant with a planned pregnancy I’m so excited and I feel ready now when I didn’t before.

What I’m saying is you have rights as a woman to terminate a pregnancy for any reason.

If you decide to go ahead when the pregnancy I’m sure you will be a fantastic mum.

Wishing you all the best xxx

Thankyou so much for responding so fast!

Thanks for sharing your experience as well. I am the same, I’ve always believed women had the choice but I also didn’t ever think I would be in this situation!

I keep brushing it off thinking it’s the hormones but as each day comes, my moods aren’t changing!

I’m going to have a long think and have a chat with my partner about it.

Thanks again for sharing and best of luck with your journey ❤️ Xxx

OP what a confusing and stressful time. Getting pregnant is a massive deal and life changing when it’s not planned, it’s a huge thing to take in. So take a moment and some time and space to really think beyond the initial shock about what you’re feeling, especially with the hormones! The right answer for you is probably in there somewhere you just need to untangle it a bit from shock, hormones and a worry about change.

If it helps I got pregnant unexpectedly and I felt a termination was right. 20 years later it was still the right thing for me at the time. Since then I’ve had children whose conception was a surprise, and although things weren’t perfectly aligned and a bit of a bolt from the blue, we made it work and although parenting is life changing it’s brought some great changes too and I’ve been so, so happy to have them.

Some thinking a round the following might help:

Do you definitely want to be a parent at some point? In which case there will need to be change to adjust to so whether that’s now or in the future maybe think about how you could manage that and what might help. If a plan around that suddenly makes this situation more manageable it might be that the solution for you is having some great steps and planning throughout rather than turning back.

You mentioned feeling very low about the idea of having a child - have you checked in about why? Is it the idea of being a mum in general, or the idea of starting a family now? If there are things that would be specific to where you are now that would make a pregnancy at this time something that’s very sad / difficult for you it might be worth finding out more about the options / chances of future conception. You are young and there are ivf etc options that mean that a termination may not close the door on future changes? This is a big thing to go through if you, after deep reflection, feel it’s not the right thing for you.

You have the right to choose so take some time to think about the right choice for you.

Is your partner likely to be supportive? That can make a really big difference, especially if there are something that might make it hard for you x

It’s a massive deal so you shouldn’t feel weird about being totally knocked sideways about this, but the answers are probably in understanding better why you’re feeling what you’re feeling x

@Bamboo15 Thankyou so much for your response ❤️

I would like to be a parent at some point and that’s why I feel quite stuck on the situation. I always thought I’d be happy finding out I was pregnant but the happy feelings and plans are non existent at the moment. I think I’m worried this could be our only chance and if we chose to terminate, i would be full of regret..

I feel like I’m also attracting negative thoughts. I seem to be constantly overthinking about how my life will change for the worse, how I can’t get up and do my own thing, weekends away with my partner and some other silly things such as laying in bed till whatever time! When I try and think of positive things, I get upset as I feel quite sick of the thought of it. It’s a really strange one.

Well we had abit of a rocky start but for the past 3-4 months we have been getting on better than ever! I also thought earlier that maybe I’m worried a child would change this for the worse?

My partner has told his mother... on the same day we found out which he now regrets as she is over the moon and is constantly talking about it. I feel there’s a lot of pressure considering we’ve recently found out.

Thanks a lot for your message, I’m going to have to have a huge think of what’s best for right now xx

I hope you find a positive way through. The things you have mentioned will change, and they are a slough BUT they are not forever. There will be weekends away and lie ins in the future it might just mean parking it for a bit, if that’s what you decide.

The thing with the mother in law is a toughy- but with respect to your partner the main person that this puts on is you, so make sure you don’t focus on her. And there’s honestly no way of telling how your relationship would change post baby - ours has not always been smooth but I don’t know if it would have been different without children :-)

Good luck with everything x

@Bamboo15
I guess I’m just thinking way ahead when I should be taking it day by day!
I know some of the things I listed sound very selfish and I do think there would be good things involved with having a child.

Thanks for your help :-) x

@broken726 to come on a thread like this and say those things to OP who is clearly in bits, it’s bang out of order. You should be ashamed of yourself.

OP I'm sorry you are struggling. I found I was pregnant young, at 19. I had only just got back with my boyfriend, literally like a month! I was terrified. I really thought through all my options and decided to carry on with the pregnancy. I'm happy that the decision was there for me and everyone around me was so supportive of whatever we chose. I remember thinking all my friends are going out, going on holiday, all these experiences I wont be able to do until I'm a lot older.. but luckily for me it was the making of me. She really made me focus on something, gave me true meaning. I'm not a perfect mum by any means but I love being a mum. I have honestly been to more festivals and been on weekends away more than I did before haha. Sometimes I take her, sometimes she stays with Grandparents. It sounds like MIL would be happy to help out too. I know it feels scary, and at the end of the day, it's your life and your decision. Do what feels right, could you speak to someone like a GP or contact some sort of support? I went to a clinic when I found out and a doctor there say with me for what felt like hours and made me feel so much better about whatever path I chose.

Also please ignore any comment trying to shame you. This is your life and your choice. Do your research and talk to your partner and a medical professional and come to a decision that works for you.

I can just offer my experience OP, but of course the decision is all yours. I got pregnant at 40. My DH and I already have a 19 year old daughter.

The thought of having to do it all over again terrified me for weeks, if not months. I felt tired, overwhelmed, trapped. I know abortion could have been an option, but it is not for me.

I am ashamed to admit this, but I was hoping I would miscarry. When I experienced bleeding, I was over the moon thinking, this is it. It is all over and I can go back to my old life. Only, it wasn’t over. My baby was doing well and continued to do so. Eventually, I got used to the idea of “having to do it over again”. Not only that, I found happiness and excitement in my pregnancy.

Only you know what is right for you. I just wanted to say that these feelings you are experiencing also happen to other women, and sometimes they do change from sadness to happiness. All the best OP!

@Emmmie @micc Thankyou for your feedback both it’s really helpful :)

I have been delaying informing the gp as I’ve think I’ve tried to block it out which has been making matters worse when it does pop back in my head! I will ring the gp tomorrow to discuss.

Thanks for your experiences it’s lovely to see other situations where there was uncertainty and you chose to go through with it :) I always viewed people’s pregnancy journey as a positive and a happy journey but there must be so many mums to be that have a mixture of emotions.

Today’s the first day i haven’t cried about the situation so I really think it’s helped with the answers from this forum. I also had a think about it whilst in work and I think it’s the thought a baby will be growing inside of me that scares and makes me feel very weird?! I said to my partner if it was a case of the baby being dropped off, I’d feel so much better with the situation!! 😂 I know that’s ridiculous!!

Thanks again everyone xx

Hey!

Recently found out I'm pregnant and have been freaking out. I love my Indepedent career focused holiday life I love travelling... I have the EXACT same thoughts but I'm in a very stable position where I could give this baby the best life with my partner.

When I look past all the sadness anxeity and worry I see a mini me in my arms in 7 months time.

Life isn't over!

Do what makes you feel happy. There is no right or wrong.

Sending love xxx

@Northernlass101

Aww that’s so nice to hear!!
You are right! I think I’m attracting negative thoughts and I’m not looking past the anxiety, fear and worry!

Thankyou for your advice and good luck :) xx

Hi lovely,

I could not relate to how you are feeling more. I am in exactly the same position, I’m 26 too and have had ups and downs with my partner but recently have been better than ever.
We found out I was pregnant at 4ish weeks and were just sat there like “what do we do?” We discussed an abortion (which had me sobbing uncontrollably) but then we also didn’t know how viable the option would be to keep baby either. I have a phone appointment on Friday to discuss the option of an abortion and I know in my heart I don’t want to make that phone call.

I must admit, I did have an abortion about 10 years ago and haven’t regretted it for a second but feel totally different about this baby. My partner is digesting the situation and though I think he is more worried than I am, I know he would make the most amazing dad and we absolutely do want children one day. It would seem to me so heartbreaking to have an abortion now just to try again in a couple of years when we feel more ready (do you ever feel ready? There is always something - a house move, a new job, a holiday etc.) and so many women struggle to have children, we also thought we wouldn’t be able to conceive so easily. You are sometimes torn between your heart and your head but I am a true believer in everything happens for a reason.

I hope this helps lovely, please know you are not on your own xx

@Luce0312 Thankyou for your message 😘
I completely understand where you’re coming from!
I feel the exact same, I’ve got a good job, we’ve got a house so when would be the perfect time?

I have thought of abortion but there’s something also telling me I couldn’t go through with it... and just like you said how would I feel to try again in two years? Would I even feel ready then? Would I feel guilty about abortion? Would I even be able to get pregnant?

Goodluck with whichever option you go for, your reply has really helped xx

Just had to send a quick reply as I’ve found these forums helpful. You’ll find there are so many women feeling the same as you out there wherever their baby was planned or unplanned.

I’m currently 12 weeks pregnant with my third and have been feeling similar to you. Even though after 2 years going round and round In circles ‘shall we shall we not’, fed up with the indecision we tried once and pregnant straight away. Have had such mixed feelings, even though It was planned. I feel stupid feeling like this. I have been quite negative ever since, cried a lot, worried about effect on my kids, I’m late 30’s too! I’m a complete over thinker. I have my first scan, this morning and my mind is starting to come round to it and I’m feeling maybe lucky to go through it all again. I’m sure I will adjust as time goes on and will love the baby the same.

My husband wants to tell his parents but they are so full on I can’t quite face their over enthusiasm yet so would quite like to wait another week after the scan for me to digest it all. Maybe you could explain to your mother in law it’s early days and you need time to adjust before getting too excited.

My two children I have are my world and honestly once you have them you can’t imagine life before they were here. It’s so much fun. You will still be the same person you are now, still have a life, just your heart will be a lot fuller.