Unplanned pregnancy - can’t get excited

[Mummyto3GBG]

It’s been a week since I found out I was pregnant. It was a complete shock, I literally can’t get excited at all, I have 3 babies already Age 7, 2 and 10months and and I just keep looking at them and crying.... they’re all csection babies so I’d have to have a csection again and I’m so worried something is going to go wrong this time And I’m going to leave my kids without a mum. They were all planned so I’ve never been in a situation like this before, I was using ovulation sticks and made up when I saw BFP’s for all them this time all I have is a fear of dread. I’m not opposed to the 4th child, I hadn’t completely written off having more kids however I definitely hadn’t thought it’d be this soon and it would of been something I’d of seriously considered beforehand.... it’s not having the baby that’s the problem but the whole pregnancy and birth is making me very worried that I’m not going to be around to look after them and I can’t seem to shake it off x

Have you considered all your options? Pregnancy is a huge thing to put your body through, and childbirth even moreso. You do not have to do it unless you 100% want to.

@Ohalrightthen....my head is all over the place to be honest...I’m happy to have the baby but I’m just so scared that I’ll die....I don’t know if it’s a irrational fear though. I love my babies and would love another I know that so I think I’d find it very difficult to terminate but I just can’t help but think If I carry on am I going to die during the section this time 😖

Have you got support? Is DH on board with YOU making the decision? Or are you being pressured to continue ?

My oh is literally leaving it up to me to decide, he’s most worried about risks to me but is happy to support whichever way I want. I’m just finding it hard, I really want the baby but I’m worried about the risks of another csection x

[quote Mummyto3GBG]@Ohalrightthen....my head is all over the place to be honest...I’m happy to have the baby but I’m just so scared that I’ll die....I don’t know if it’s a irrational fear though. I love my babies and would love another I know that so I think I’d find it very difficult to terminate but I just can’t help but think If I carry on am I going to die during the section this time 😖[/quote]
Ok, you want the baby but are scared of the pregnancy, that's a good thing to have established in your own mind. I think the first thing you need to do is speak to your midwife, and your GP, and work out what your actual risk is. This is a medical fear, so you need to take medical advice. Try and take the panic out and rely on science, if possible!

Multiple sections really aren't that bad - each one is an additional risk but the overwhelming likelihood is that it'll be fine.

They reccomend stopping at 3, but women have successfully had sections well into double digits. They'll give you extra monitoring I expect and possibly someone more experienced to do the surgery.

I’m very much like you. I get a lot of health anxiety with my concern being leaving my son without a mum, generally cry at the scenarios I make up in my head! It’s the worst feeling I’ve ever felt and struggle to shake it off. Try to be reasonable and not to worry, I agree with @Ohalrightthen and you should discuss the risks with midwife/consultant. Try to be the best and happiest version of yourself for you and your family and take comfort in the fact you are healthy now. I also did a quick search on the statistics of women dying in pregnancy or around childbirth in the uk (2018) and it is extremely low at around 10 in 100,000. I just had my screening results and down syndrome was considered a low risk at 1 in 2000. Look after yourself, it’s good you have addressed your fears and have a good support system!

Thank you all, I think it’s because I was told last time they wouldn’t recommend another due to a couple of complications I had in theatre and also because the risk of certain things increases once you’ve had 3 sections....before my previous csections I didn’t look into these things as the chances of them were super low and they had said I’d be fine for more babies but now my risks have increased and this one wasn’t planned and I’d been told ideally no more, I’ve googled everything and assume Im going to get them all and die. Even Covid is making me worried thinking they won’t have staff to do my section as they’ll all be self isolating or pulled to help with Covid patients. I do have health anxiety and I’m a very pessimistic person, this has increased since having my children (and not wanting to leave them motherless) as well as my grandma and mum passing away at an early age. I try and take a step back but I find it very difficult.

Reach out to your midwife hun, talk it over. The thing with complications is that forewarned is forearmed - you know what you're up against, and so do your doctors.

If you want this baby, you can have it. You're not going to die. Speak to your midwife. You can do this.

And they will absolutelt have staff for csections. No doubt. My obstetric surgeon friend has been doing them as standard in central london all through lockdown.

@Ohalrightthen thank you I agree the more they are aware the better. I have managed to speak to a consultant who didn’t feel from my history I seemed too high risk to continue but I can’t help but worry that there is an increased risk and I worry about my children and if I’m being selfish putting my health on the line for another but I would also find it very hard to end the pregnancy and wonder what would/ could have been. I wouldn’t have been so worried if I had been told at my last section I can go on to have more but they recommended that was that really which was only 10months ago. I feel very blessed to have my 3 children but I always had it in my head I wanted 4...but 4 sections does seem quite rare which worries me, you only tend to hear of mums who give birth naturally having lots of children. When my first pregnancy ended in an emergency section I didn’t realise that next time round choosing vbac or elective would make such a massive difference and I chose elective as I needed a date as my mum was in her final days in a hospice and I was worried I wouldn’t be there with her when she passed (I had my baby 3 days after she died) then the last section (my 3rd dc) they recommended elective following 2 csections already.

Look, it sounds like you have made really good, sensible, heartfelt choices for your family, all your life. Statistically, even if you are high risk, the chances of this pregnancy being fatal are small.

It sounds to me like you just need a way to feel good about this, rather than scared. Are you getting any help for your health anxiety? Could you try meditation, or visualisation, focusingon a healthy baby and a quick recovery? Speak to your midwife. Be completely honest, let it all out, and let them help you.

I have a 5, 3 and 10 month old and this baby was not planned im now 10 weeks.. Im worried about how im going to cope because my older 2 have autism and are a handful. My 10 month old is a whingey clingy baby. I live in a small 2 bed house currently trying to move but nothing in the area suitable for us.. if this baby is a boy ill be over the moon but if its a girl I think ill be even more gutted. I no I should be grateful and I am, I won't love it any less but this is definitely my last baby and want it to be a boy thats all.. I also had a fear of dying with all my labours even though they were straight forward natural births. Xx