Constantly scared about miscarriage - advice needed

[Bobblehatwobble]

Hi all,
So I’m not very far along with my first baby (IVF first round success) and I’ve not yet made my 7 week scan.
I am constantly petrified about miscarrying - to the point where I can’t sleep, wake up with my heart pounding checking for blood, constantly symptom checking, crying etc about it.
Can you give me any advice on how to deal with it? What can I do to control the fear?
I can’t live like this until May!!!

Thanks x

It’s easier said than done op but you can only try to stop worrying about it. It will get easier as weeks pass and the chances of mc reduce.

Nothing you do will either cause or prevent a miscarriage. If it’s going to happen, happen it will. I found a certain ‘comfort’ in that thought and I tried to distract myself and keep busy until after the first scan.

It is very nerve wracking, even more so if you've had to work extra hard to conceive. Trust your body to do what it's designed for. Your hormones are likely roaring around and not helping with the sleeping and the emotions.
Early pregnancy anxiety is a bugger, I didn't really acknowledge it until had the 12 week scan. If, and it's a big if, things don't work out there's nothing you could have done differently, 'baby' at this stage is as independent of you/your actions as it can be, trust that it's getting on and doing it's thing.
Be kind to yourself.

Like the other poster I've been thinking that first trimester misscarriage is mostly chromosomal. So it's already decided if it will happen, it was decided at conception. So theres an acceptance in that.

I've also been using the Misscarriage Reassurance calculator online, which I like as the %likelihood drops every day!

I’m exactly like you. After having a mmc in July I’ve been convinced that’s what I’m destined for. I’m 11+3 now.

It’s sounds stupid but I found giving up things I didn’t really need to helped a lot. I’ve been on zero caffeine from drinks(I miss coke) I don’t have baths anymore, I’ve look at zero baby stuff, and refused to even entertain the idea of maternity clothes despite none of my clothes fitting.

In my backwards brain, as long as I do nothing that could potentially jinx it, I can relax. I have my dating scan on Friday, although I’ve already had 3 private scans which were perfect.

I know none of this is helpful in the slightest, but please know you’re not alone.

Hi,
I don’t know what advice I can give to help except based on my experience it’s normal and will get better.
I had my first through ivf and constantly worried about miscarriage, to the point where going to the toilet was an ordeal, checking after every wipe, sorry tmi.
I think I did start to feel better when I got to the third trimester in that pregnancy and everything went okay.
I guess it’s the feeling that it’s so precious, especially with all the hurdles you go through with ivf that your terrified to relax and enjoy it, incase it goes wrong.
I’m currently pregnant with my second which was natural and still felt pretty stressed until about my 20 week scan. Try to be kind to yourself and I’m sure you’ll get more confident and enjoy it more with time.

I've had multiple losses and multiple rounds of ivf. Although I still check for blood at 33 weeks pregnant I did make the conscious decision to set aside time each day to enjoy being pregnant. If this is going to be your baby you want to have some positive memories about the pregnancy itself. It does get better when time goes on.

Also, if you feel that you need therapy to help lessen your anxiety then do so. I do think that being a bit anxious is normal if it was difficult to get pregnant, but if it keeps severely affecting your life then you might like some help to cope.

I’ve had three rounds of IVF. Two resulted in my dc and one MMC at 12 weeks. There will always be something during your pregnancy to be anxious about, whether it’s early pregnancy bleeding or reduced movements later on. My babies gave me plenty to worry about! Try not to think too far ahead and just take one day at a time. Like pp have said, keep busy and try to enjoy when you can as it’ll be over before you know it and your baby will be here

I can sympathise completely. I'm 12 weeks on Monday and have had 3 perfect scans but still worry all the time. Fortunately I have had bad morning sickness which I weirdly enjoy as I find it reassuring, but I can never enjoy the odd day that I feel well as I convince myself that means something is going wrong.

I read a quote that helped me a lot and I refer back to it when I am feeling particularly anxious... 'the most common things happen most commonly.'

Whilst there are of course risks the majority of pregnancies end in a healthy baby and I find it comforting to keep this in the back of my mind.

I don't post very often but I thought if this helps me it might help you x

I only coped after seven years of infertility and four successive losses (including an ectopic and an IVF loss) by breaking up each day into six hour chunks: 6am, 12 noon, 6pm and midnight. I just refused to lift my eyes and look any further ahead than the next waymarker. If I still wasn't bleeding, that was another step further. When someone advised me to 'take one day at a time' I couldn't believe what they were expecting of me!

I was admitted with bleeding at 10 weeks and seeing their two heartbeats and tiny limbs moving on the scan was so reassuring. (I knew there were two at 6 weeks). If I'd lost them then, I think I would possibly never have emerged into sanity again.

That pregnancy for me felt like being adrift on a raft far from land in a rough sea. A raft because I couldn't see ahead, or steer or control anything. All I could do was hang on. I had lots of support but it was still incredibly lonely. I used to think it was a good thing nobody had a gadget for meausuring my anxiety levels they way they measured blood pressure and so on.

I was very envious of women who could enjoy their pregnancies with a relaxed, confident mindset. It seemed to do the babies no harm at all, though.

Hope it goes well for you. If it gets v hard, and ‘self care’ etc isn’t working, suggest counselling - that really helped me.

TheDaydreamBelievers, that’s not the case on reasons for early mcs.

I had a miscarriage and was so terrified when I got pregnant that it was going to happen again. Not what you want to hear but I can't say the feeling ever went away, I was always worrying but it definitely got better the further along I got. There's very little you can do to prevent a miscarriage aslong as you're being healthy and safe then just try to enjoy your pregnancy. I wasted a lot of the first part of mine being worried. You could book an early scan if you feel it would help though, there's usually a lot of deals on groupon.

@dozer - thanks for correcting me, do you mind telling me what is? I was getting that info from the nhs website!

Prof Lesley Regan’s book on mc was good, but may be out of date now and it focuses on recurrent mc so may be ‘triggering’ for women worried about mc.

Interesting: looked at the NHS website - it is internally inconsistent, first says ‘often’ chromosomal abnormalities, then later ‘usually’.

Whatever the case in general, I found it both comforting and scary that - apart from seekIng fertility investigation/treatment if needed - there’s not much we, individually, can do to prevent mc. It’s a waiting game, v hard. I tried to focus on self care and did get MH support when I struggled.

Was v lucky to have two DC and am many years on now. My DH still gets upset about past problems occasionally, more so than I do, which we think could be because at the time he focused on supporting me and didn’t ‘process’ his thoughts/feelings.

Like others I’d just say that it will get better. Give yourself a moment each day to celebrate how far you’ve come and give yourself permission to worry a little less the next day. It isn’t easy at all.

I’m 9 weeks and I was extremely anxious from the beginning to the point I could not concentrate on work. I booked an early scan (thought I was 7+3 but turned out to be 8). Since seeing the heartbeat at the scan my anxiety is much more manageable so I hope that will be the case for you. Once you’ve seen a heartbeat your miscarriage odds drop massively so not long to wait until you get that confirmation.

I was part of Prof. Lesley Regan's recurrent miscarriage study. She diagnosed my twins at 4 weeks (yes, one day overdue) and said they looked good. They were. 😊

Whoa @NewlyGranny that's amazing!

@Dozer thanks for the info, its interesting just how little is known about misscarriage, and how much work needs to be done still to understand it.

@Bobblehatwobble - I hope you are feeling a little better. I'd back up what @dozer said that relaxation, mindfulness etc can help but sometimes we might need a little extra help with prenatal anxiety.

Thank you everyone for your messages and support. I do see a counsellor every week and have done since before I started IVF because I wanted to be as ok as I could be.
I will try to break up each day and continue with my meditation tapes.
I really appreciate all the time you have taken to help me out x