Serious "crap, we're going to be parents" nerves

[december2020]

FTM, 32 weeks on Tuesday and a very wanted baby on the way.

Pregnancy has thankfully been straight forward but now that my due date is almost 8 weeks away I'm starting to get nervous.

Not for labour, but rather, am I cut out to be a good mother? And how on earth a hospital would trust me to take a newborn home unsupervised.

I want to make sure I raise a decent good human before releasing him into the world and society and I know once he's here it'll be fine, we'll figure it out as we plod along finding our feet. It's just I've been focussed on trying to conceive and the pregnancy itself, I didn't really have time to think about the period after he is here and the reality that our lives are going to change phenomenally is only just sinking in.

How did you adjust? When did you feel confident in what you are doing raising these little humans?

I feel you! We have the exact same due date and the exact same worries

DH said the other night that he worries that he doesn’t know how to raise a kind child, because that’s not a characteristic that he immediately sees in himself.

I’m just planning to take it in stages & use the sounding board of people I trust around me. For example DH’s cousin’s children are the loveliest teenagers I’ve ever met, so their mum is someone who’s advice I would trust.

From what I gather though, it’s pretty much the luck of the draw what type of kid you get! As long as we keep them safe, warm, comfortable & fed, that’s all that matters for this first stage.

Honestly my first is 9 and I’m still not confident I’m doing a good job. The scary part is you never know how you did until they are grown up. I’m pregnant with my second and I’m having all the same worries.
I think it’s totally normal to worry about it.

I have a 10 year old who is the most kind lovely wee boy you will meet. I am due in 4 weeks a d terrified about taking the baby home and messing it up.

I think it is normal. The thought of what to do terrifies me too even now. X

I've got a 6 Yr old and still think fuck me im responsible for this human,I'm not a proper grown-up yet (I'm 40) its totally normal

The fact that you are scared and care about being a good parent means you will be an excellent one!

DH and I couldn't believe they trusted us to take her home I mean hell we sure didn't know what we were doing.

I worried a lot less about number 3, mainly buoyed by the knowledge that I hadn’t killed the other 2 so it was probably going to be fine.

My 3 are 8, 6 and 4 and I still have days when I think I’m the worst parent in the world and I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. But we’re all living and learning and all still here!

You are not alone: I think most new parents are terrified!
I learnt a good lesson early on though. My bubs had swallowed a fair amount of meconium on his way out and was being sick fairly regularly during his first 24 hours. But he kept looking for my boob so I kept trying to feed him. In the middle of the night one of the midwives said “you aren’t trying to feed him are you? You mustn’t do that until all the meconium is out”...so I stopped for a few hours...which was heart breaking because he kept trying. In the end I decided he seemed to know what he wanted and fed him again. The next morning I was feeding him and the new nurse said “oh good- you have to keep feeding them so they can push out the meconium.”
So I told myself then and there: listen to your brand new mum instinct! If the experts don’t know then no-one does!
I still read all the parenting books of course

OP you care so you'll be great. Demonstrate kindness as much as you can and your child will reflect what they live. (My 6yo is incredibly kind and gentle though my 3yo might be a sociopath so take my advice with a pinch of salt).

Ahhh good luck OP! It's so scary but the fact that you are worrying about this shows that you have values. Tiny babies are all consuming, but as they grow you can model important values and give them love and opportunities, and watch as their personality emerges.

Pretty sure everyone is blagging it. I certainly am! My mum (in her 50s) says she still feels like she’s not really an adult or a responsible parent.

I’m a midwife and I have parents come to postnatal clinic with babies who are 5, 6, 7 days, sometimes even a couple of weeks old and they are still handling them like they are made of glass and panic about changing nappies and getting them dressed! But you eventually just ‘get it’.

Awww thank you everyone for your reassuring comments!! And helping me realise we're all in this together with the same worries and it's totally normal x

Hopefully I can make sure he has some values and morals (that include):

1. Don't be a dick
2. Don't do anything stupid
3. But take some risks in life (it's ok to fail)
4. Don't be scared to live your life, whatever your ambition may be.

But how this will happen in practice who knows! I'll definitely be trying my best