8 month baby and pregnant again

[Mumk05]

Hi all, my 1st born has just turned 8 months this week and only for me to find out I missed a period and I am pregnant again after testing positive on a home kit. Its obviously a mixed reaction of feelings, I feel happy that we have been lucky to be blessed again but although we wanted a another baby but perhaps not so soon. The age gap will only be 15/16 months.

I'm still trying to get to grips with my 8 month old, trying to settle a routine which keeps going tits up because of teething and now to think I will no longer physically and perhaps emotionally be able to keep up is driving me crazy with worry and concern.

I feel guilty that I won't be able to give my full attention to my 1st baby and I know I shouldn't care but its also worrying me what other people in my family might think, judge me that I'm already at it with another baby. I am scared I won't be able to cope.
I'm also concerned of any medical implications as they say its best to wait 18 months otherwise there is high risk of premature baby as well as other health risks. I also suffered from gestational diabetes in my first pregnancy.

Both me and my husband are shocked, we have not even had any active sex life since birth of my baby so for the one time and it to have happened has really taken us aback.
Any form of termination is not an option so I feel like I have no choice but to go with it but at the moment I am feeling more negative than happy. I realise there will be advantages and disadvantages for any situations but for now I can only seem to focus on the latter.

Sorry for the long rant, but as a new mum and to then be a mum again so soon is scaring the shit out of me. Any advise will be appreciated.

Not advice as such but same happened to me and I now have 2 daughters, one almost 16 and the other 14. 17 months between them. Not intentional really either. Got it all over in one go in a way as knew I didn't want anymore.

Your 1st will still have your attention, albeit not full and will know no different. However,I'm not going to lie it is hard work. I have loved it though and it is great to have them so close in age. They may disagree with me on that at times but they get on really well.

Good luck

I'm sure you can cope OP. Also just to correct that it's a HighER chance of complications but still not high! I'd book in to the maternity line asap and make it v clear that there is a small gap as they may want to do extra monitoring xx

We did it, and then another 19 months later.

My advice is to get yourself some hardcore contraception, and condoms, and him a vasectomy, and never have sex - at the very minimum.

It was busy when they were babies, but, I aimed for "everybody fed, nobody dead" and anything else was a bonus. It took me a while to give up expectations and I made myself quite unwell with trying to achieve too much. Things like the baby just lived in baby grows for the first year, I stuck with the same menu week in week out so I didn't have to think about it, I learned to manage without much sleep and to nap in the day without feeling guilty about the laundry (thus the baby grow wardrobe)

It was exhausting, but, you're exhausted with one anyway - you'll find your feet.

We totally score now that they are teens - they are all close enough in age to enjoy doing the same thing. My friend has teens and then a 5 year old, they really struggle to find family activities which suit them all.

I didn't plan it, but, I wouldn't change it. We have a lovely family.

Congratulations, keep well.

18 month gap here. Also unplanned. The first 3 months with toddler and baby were a unique hell of competing demands. Genuinely aimed for everyone fed, no I e dead. After that, everyone naturally settled in to a kind of routine (I was too tired to create a routine) and it was fine. Now they're 2 and 3 and it's absolutely brilliant, highly recommend this age gap as now they play together, they like the same toys, and its heartbreakingly cute when they push me out of their room so they can play together without me. You will be fine. Your first baby will be fine.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria “everyone fed, nobody dead” is possibly the best thing I’ve ever heard!

I’m not trying to influence you in any way by this post, I’m just sharing my experience.

I found out I was pregnant when my little boy was 8 months old. I also felt very negatively but felt termination wasn’t an option; I am pro-choice, but never thought it would be a choice I’d have to make for myself. It was agony. In the end I decided to terminate and 2 years on I have no regrets. I’m not in the early stages of a planned pregnancy with what will hopefully be out second child, and I know I did the right thing and everything works out as it should.

I say this purely so you know you do have options and you don’t have to continue a pregnancy if you don’t want to, whatever the reason.

Wishing you the best xxx

Sorry that should say “I am now in the early stages... with our...”

18 months between my two as well. Only time it was a problem was when I changed DS1s nappy, stood him up and he toddled off and then did the same with my newborn. He didn't toddle off! You'll be fine OP!

vivariumv I'm going to adopt the phrase 'everyone fed, nobody dead' from this point onwards. Brilliant!

15 months between my first two (planned!) and while the first year of the second's life is a bit of a blur, it had so many brilliant upsides. No sibling jealousy as the oldest was too young to remember a time no2 wasn't there. They were so so close, and got on brilliantly and always had a little playmate. They are both teenagers now and still get on really well and are still close friends as well as siblings.
We planned to have 2 close in age (weren't expecting THAT close!) and it was hard work but really worth it. It was nice to get all the sleepless nights over and done with quickly (until we then decided to have another a few years later!).

OP I absolutely loved having mine close together, they get on so well and keep each other entertained. Its hard at first when they are both so young but once they start running around together it's absolutely great! I'm sure you will be fine, sometimes the fear of the unknown and worrying about how you will cope is worse than anything else

Same with my 2 youngest (now 2yr and 3yr) and currently pregnant with my 4th and my last. I haven't found it a problem and really enjoyed it although my 2 yr old has had temper tantrums since the day he was born 😂. They are really close however they do fight sometimes or if they are being naughty they will team up on you and laugh little devils!. I worried the same as well but some people find it hard and some people don't. Other people's experiences won't necessarily be what you experience. I wouldn't change a single thing x

17 mth gap here. It was tough I won't lie and killed my career for a good 5 years (returning from maternity leave pregnant was not a popular move at all!).
Fed and not dead pretty much sums it up. There were good days and there were bloody awful days. Not helped by now ex's tendency to lose his job regularly and then get contracts taking him away Sunday night to Friday night (although they were the easier weeks!). In retrospect I would have forced myself out the house more days than I did and done something about the discrimination I faced at work (went beyond being a bit disgruntled). I should have pushed myself to get back into exercise/self care sooner and I still can't motivate myself for that now. I also wouldn't have died on the hill of having two in cloth nappies full time all the time but at the time it was important to me. Now they are older it's easy to plan the day as they both like similar things, they have pretty much the same bed time, share toys, books, games as they are at similar stages. They entertain each other brilliantly and they adore each other, with the youngest understanding the mildly SEN older one better than anyone else including me.
As the saying goes where I'm from "you'll be reet"

My daughter is 15 months old and I am due in two weeks!! I am soooo excited but also so nervous. The advice on here is great, I think I just need to realise the house is not going to be spotless for the next few months (years?!) and that I can only do my best. Congratulations!!

There is 18 months between mine, my first was 10 months when I got pregnant with twins. It was really hard for the first year. I had to leave my job because childcare for 3 kids under 2 is not easy or cheap to find and one had special needs. The first year was pretty awful, no sleep, feeding twins constantly and our twin with special needs was in and out of hospital a lot. Once the twins turned one it was a lot easier. They are now 4 and almost 3 and it is chaos but it’s fine and they are all really close but with the usual sibling fall outs. You’ll be fine, just don’t put too much pressure on yourself in terms of housework and being the perfect parent. Some days are brill, some days it all goes wrong. Accept help where you can and try tour best to enjoy it! X

It'll be ok, a tough first year with 2 babies but after that it all gets better. I have 13 months between my 2, not planned but looking back I have no regrets, they're very close.

This happened to my friend .She found it hard work at first ,but still had another a few years later (also unplanned!)Why on earth would your family judge you for being"at it" with your own husband?! If you are worried at all of any medical risks ,then speak to your GP about it .I think if you do decide to go ahead ,it will be busy ,but as others have said DC will be very close in age ,and they will probably have more in common than a wider age gap .

Maybe not remotely helpful but this is the age gap between me and each of my 2 sisters and it was so awesome growing up with them, my absolute best friends!

Oh yeah, that happens! My two are 13 months apart. We were shocked too!!

It used to be annoying when people would assume they were twins especially when one is sitting up in the pram and the other is lying down because he was still a tiny baby. But I met a lady who guessed they were 13-14 months apart. I asked how she knew and she told me she had 4 DCs who were 14 months apart! She said it was very hard at first but now that they are adults, they are very close. My two are adults now and grew up close too which I'm very happy about.

17 months between my DS and DD. They are now 15 and 13 and one school year apart. At every stage of their lives I have thought it was the perfect age gap and am so pleased I had them so close together.

Oh my gosh OP it's like reading my own story! I had my son in February this year he's almost 8 months and I'm currently 24 + 5 weeks with my second baby boy, my contraception failed me and both myself and my partner couldn't bare the thought of abortion and I had exactly the same concerns as you I felt so guilty that when our next baby comes we won't be able to give our first son all the attention he deserves and will still need but I'm trying to look at it in more of a positive way that they will be close in age and hopefully the best of friends think how nice it will be for your first DC to have a little play buddy and how close they will be for the rest of their lives! As for the possible complications I've had just about every single one I have bilateral PE which is multiple blood clots on both my lungs (luckily I'm on treatment now and getting better) I also have gestational diabetes again which I too had in my first pregnancy, pelvic girdle pain and I've been told I'm at a high risk of developing pre-eclampsia but even with all these complications I've still continued through and baby is doing great he is 100% healthy thank god! I'm just trying to say that even if you have a complication you can still do this and I promise it's not the end of the world! I too worry still how I'm going to cope with an 11 month old and a newborn it's so natural to be anxious but we're strong women and we can do this! It's amazing how much you can cope with when you know things have to be done I'm not going to sugar coat it and say it will be easy because there will be hard times but it will be so worth it when you have your two beautiful babies together I believe everything happens for a reason and you were blessed with this baby because god knows you can do this!xx

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria that is possibly the best thing I've ever heard!!
@Mumk05 I have a 19 month old and twins due in the next 6/7 weeks so will be a 20/21 ish month gap for me, (not planned, was only ever the plan to have one but irresponsible accidents happened over here just got waked with the twin stick too lol) but with my second child being second and third. I'm dreading it for the fact my 19month old is no longer sleeping through for a reason I'm not entirely sure of and I know I'm going to be bloody exhausted. BUT the age gap won't be huge. And being only nearly 29 I'll have nappies all done by the time I'm 32/33 and all be at school by 34 so will be able to return to work more or less full time then which I'm quite glad about cause I miss having something of my own that's just for me at the moment. Your first isn't going to remember having her time suddenly shared when baby 2 comes along so don't worry yourself about that, she will likely only remember always having a sibling growing up with how their memory develops (from what I've read) all will be fine, hard work but fine.. I'm sure of it (Also trying to convince myself of this as I type ) x

Why is termination not an option?

I have to be honest OP, in your situation i terminated. It was absolutely the right call and i dont regret it. We're about to TTC #2 now and i feel wholly positive about it.

I had 13 months between the first two and then a third 12 months later ( that WAS a shock.. mini pill fail!)
It was fine.. I had three under two and half and it was tiring, but you'd be amazed at how you get a routine going.. and toddler groups suited them all, and potty training was a breeze.. no 2 an 3 just copied no 1!
And they had built in playmates.
Had my 4th (and final) 3 years after that..I'm still sane, I think :)