I'm starting to show.. and am feeling a lot of emotions! Is this normal?

[Kiyentai]

So I am currently 18 weeks and 5 days, (we ultrasounded on Wednesday and he was measuring at 19 weeks and 1 day). I have only gained 4 lbs so far in this pregnancy, and while that is not a lot I can see my body changing and my baby bump growing. Please note, I have not been the most emotional in this pregnancy.. my husband has been getting the gist of the pregnancy hormones lol Seriously though, he cried at a commercial the other day about cancer.

I've always had an athletic build and I am starting to show, and I seriously am feeling SO unattractive and I feel like my life is over. I'm sure that once the baby comes all of those feelings will pass but I feel like I'm going to get huge, and my husband won't love me anymore and it really hit me last night. I also feel like my body isn't really "mine" anymore, I feel like I am just a vessel for this growing baby. There are SO many things to remember, no sleeping on your back, eat healthy, try to get daily exercise, when you get up try to roll over first then get up so you don't tear your abs, drink a ton of water, etc. AND we started to shop this week and see what we need and I am stressing, thinking, what if I don't do it right? Especially the sleeping on the back thing, my sides get so sore from sleeping on them all the time.. I'm terrified that I'm going to hurt my son! lol Are these feelings normal? Please also note I have an AMAZING husband and he tells me all the time how beautiful I am, I just don't feel it right now.

@Kiyentai its so hard, I can kind of empathise with how you feel. I struggled with body image issues when I was younger but I was at a point where I was really physically fit and slim when we conceived. It was fine at first as not much changed, but im now 37 weeks and im huge, I know I've put on more than just baby weight, but also know that I haven't done as much exercise as I'd have liked and been craving sugary things. But I love my bump and baby more than I thought could be possible seeing as baby is not here yet. I am struggling with how I look at the moment BUT I am also in awe of what my body has done/is doing. Its amazing! My body is supporting another life entirely! And I know that I can get my fitness back once baby is here, I dont know if I'll ever look the same as I did before, but I'll have my beautiful baby to remind me why I did it. 🥰
You are doing the most amazing and selfless thing, already putting your baby before yourself. Try and enjoy pregnancy, my most favourite weeks were between 20 and 30! And in those moments where you look in the mirror and find it hard, remember what you are doing it for and what you get at the end!

I can empathise with you @Kiyentai - its (ridiculous tho it may sound) one of my biggest anxieties around becoming pregnant. Ive spent my life trying to stay in shape and be healthy and to suddenly have no control over something like this kinda terrifies me (and partly a reason waited so long for having kids) Im trying to listen to hubby as he is much more sensible than me - 1) wont be getting fat (hopefully!), its a baby bump, 2) really important for the baby actually eat enough so it gets enough nutrients and grows like it should.
Yourlife will not be over :) the fun stuff is just starting! and u know what, im trying to get a bit of a plan (like could be pie in the sky as no idea how stuff will pan out obviously!) about what i can do as months progress and when had the baby. I struggle with back pain anyway a lot so now trying to focus on being strong so i don't get even worse as get bigger, do cardio stuff as much as i can manage but not berating myself for not doing as much as normal. I think its about trying to get some control on the things I can influence rather than worry too much about the things i can't. As @biscuit13 said, your body is going an amazing thing and your baby will always be a reminder of what you have done!
Control the things you can control like eating well, doing what exercise you can etc, and hey... lets try not to spend ages stressing about the things that we can't control but are actually entirely normal for being pregnant! take care of yourself and let me know if u find any good pillows to help sleep on your side - i always wake up on my back!! xx

I think the worry here is why you think your husband won’t love you any more when you get bigger.

This is a signal that something is very wrong. That you think he only loves you due to your size, or you know he does. That’s a very worrying dynamic to have in a relationship and doesn’t bode well for the future.

Do you understand what’s causing you to think this? Is it something you’re imagining or has he said something to make you feel this way?

I found pregnancy a very difficult and confusing time. My body seemed not my own from my head to my toes, and suddenly very public property as everyone commented on the rapid changes. I found people also compare you to others a lot more in pregnancy... so will tell you that you're bigger or smaller or spottier etc than Jane who works in accounts whose a week behind you! I HATED my body during pregnancy and couldn't see it as a normal pregnant body. Looking back - it was! I was terrified my OH would realise that other women's bodies looked better in pregnancy than mine so avoided intimacy, and just wanted my body back. A lot of women I've spoken to felt the same, but it doesn't get talked about as people expect you to "bloom and glow". So, I can offer you solidarity with the weird pregnancy feelings and reassure you that you've just got to get through the next few months the best you can. I promise you that your delicious baby will be worth all of it... and your feelings about your pregnant body will still be valid when they are here!!

Oh, I feel you!!!!! You are so not alone with your feelings.

I'm only 8 weeks but my body has started to change already. Gained 10 lbs, and suddenly I am all curvy (boobs, thighs, bum). I don't recognize myself in the mirror, and simply feel absolutely unsexy and alienated - which makes sense as biologically speaking another organism has nestled into my body.

I guess it has something to do with being out of control. Women are taught to control their bodies, their emotions, and a body that isn't slim, toned, whatever is a sign that you've lost it. Stories of models who are back on the runway 4 weeks after giving birth don't help. And if you don't have that mysterious pregnancy glow: failed!

That's to say: pregnant people are allowed to feel estranged from their bodies. To feel insecure, too big, etc. Feeling (or "being") beautiful, or happy with the bodily changes might be just another societal pressure.

Sure, it's important to interrogate if there might be issues such as antenatal depression or unresolved eating disorders at play; but it's also valid to simply not be thrilled about the pregnancy body - and then accept it.

Sending you

All very normal feelings I think. I struggled around the 20 week mark as my bump grew (having previously lost a lot of weight to be in a happy place figure wise). I soldiered on until I noticed stretch marks at 35 weeks and it gave me a major wobble. Once that bundle of joy is your arms, it'll all be worth it x

I found weeks 14-23ish really hard. I've never really had body issues before really, even with weight fluctuations (what can I say, I've always enjoyed food more! :)) , so it really caught me by surprise! I think pp are right - it's about the lack of control and it all happening so quickly - it's like going through puberty again but at light speed. Once I even caught myself crying because I saw a woman walk past wearing shorts and a vest top and I was so jealous because I just felt like a lump!

What helped me was buying a couple of things I actually enjoyed wearing. I'd been putting off buying new stuff until I was bigger, but none of my clothes that made me feel good and I loved fit me any more and I think that had a negative impact on my mental health. A couple of cheap and cheerful tops/dresses that made me feel "pretty" (despite my ever-changing waistline) or at least vaguely stylish really improved my mood.

Now 37 weeks pregnant and I'm basically a space hopper on legs, but luckily my mind seems to have given up trying to compare that to a "normal" body size and despite the fact I can't really walk and I have constant acid reflux, I feel much better about myself!

For the soreness during sleeping - build yourself a pile of pillows. I have a pregnancy pillow, a pillow between my knees (takes the pressure off of your hips), one under my hips, one under my bump and one that alternates between my ankles and rib cage. My husband jokes it's my hamster nest, but I think he's actually jealous!

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice!! I actually feel better today than when I wrote this, as I shared with my husband the way I was feeling and he definitely went out of his way to show me how much he loves me and still thinks I'm beautiful. We also had a get together with some of his colleagues and I decided to buy a dress (which I've been living in leggings for the past couple months) and that helped give me a little boost. I'm glad to hear these things are normal!

Bluntness100, first of all. I will say I do have PTSD from some sexual trauma in my 20's, and an mentally/verbally/physically abusive relationship of 3 years.. before I met my husband. I have had a LOT of therapy for it, and I am also a mental health therapist myself that specializes in Trauma. I will say that my husband is nothing short of an amazing, hard working, loving and caring man and I am beyond blessed to have him in my life. If I think about it, I suppose the insecurity comes from not only my past history.. but also, my husband's family, aside from him, are very obese. When we met, we promised each other that we would stay fit for one another because he has a fear of becoming heavy set like the rest of his family( I have talked to him about getting therapy about this as it sometimes drives his eating/work out habits especially when he thinks his clothes are getting "too tight") and I don't want to get heavy set either, because I've always been in good shape and would like to stay that way. But to answer your question, no, my husband does not neglect me in any way. He treats me amazingly and even after 5 1/2 years of being together and almost 3 years of marriage, we are still very much in love as we were when we first met. Many people still think we are newlyweds or in the first year of dating when they see us, because of how we are together. I'm sure these insecurities are from what I cannot change, because I do very much like being in control of my body.. and this, I can't do anything about.. plus pregnancy hormones.

@leftitlate37

I can empathise with you *@Kiyentai* - its (ridiculous tho it may sound) one of my biggest anxieties around becoming pregnant. Ive spent my life trying to stay in shape and be healthy and to suddenly have no control over something like this kinda terrifies me (and partly a reason waited so long for having kids) Im trying to listen to hubby as he is much more sensible than me - 1) wont be getting fat (hopefully!), its a baby bump, 2) really important for the baby actually eat enough so it gets enough nutrients and grows like it should. Yourlife will not be over :) the fun stuff is just starting! and u know what, im trying to get a bit of a plan (like could be pie in the sky as no idea how stuff will pan out obviously!) about what i can do as months progress and when had the baby. I struggle with back pain anyway a lot so now trying to focus on being strong so i don't get even worse as get bigger, do cardio stuff as much as i can manage but not berating myself for not doing as much as normal. I think its about trying to get some control on the things I can influence rather than worry too much about the things i can't. As *@biscuit13* said, your body is going an amazing thing and your baby will always be a reminder of what you have done! Control the things you can control like eating well, doing what exercise you can etc, and hey... lets try not to spend ages stressing about the things that we can't control but are actually entirely normal for being pregnant! take care of yourself and let me know if u find any good pillows to help sleep on your side - i always wake up on my back!! xx

About sleeping on your back, which I am struggling with too! I actually got a Body pillow off of Amazon.

www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07N6PS35Q/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o02_s00?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

It's not exactly what I wanted but finding one with GOOD and recent reviews was super hard. But this thing actually supports me sleeping on my side and if I have the urge to sleep on my back, I just lean back on it so I'm "tilted" but it gives my back/hips a break and still provides me with some support.

glad you are feeling better @Kiyentai! your hubby sounds like a keeper :)
glad u found a nice dress too!defo helps sometimes when u can treat yourself to nice stuff :)
i've been living in some jogging bottoms, slippers, hoody - i could prob do with finding some nicer and better fitting clothes when i leave the house and see the outside world!!
thanks for the tip re the pillow, looks good that - not sure our bed will be big enough by the time i get some huge pillows to go into it as well!!
x