Birthing second time around - how did your births compare?

[Dollywilde]

FWIW DD is only 9 weeks so not imminent! But am sat drinking in her lovely milky smell while she naps on me and thinking how I’d love #2 one day, if only I could be sure I wouldn’t repeat the birth...

It was totally worth it for DD, don’t get me wrong. But her birth was a sweep followed by 3 days of latent labour where I didn’t sleep, failed epidural, forceps and episiotomy. I am green with envy over these births I hear of that were calm - no painkillers, MLU/birth unit/pools. I genuinely wanted to die at one point.

Would love to hear from anyone who had a tough first birth and went on to have a lovely experience second time around, or did my difficult birth first time around mean any subsequent one will be like that? I did hypobirthing and NCT but tbh I don’t think it was anything to do with frame of mind - I have a pretty high pain threshold away from birthing - but a large head, 9lb first time baby, narrow hips and a difficult descent. I really really hope next time around could be different and if you tell me it won’t be I’ll beg for an ELCS

First labour was a dream, just gas an air. In and out in 6 hours, baby 7lbs.

Second labour was horrific and I'm still processing it. 9lbs, I tore terribly. Epidural, pethidine, long stay. Never again

Meant to say!! Polar opposites so your second one might be a breeze!

@saynotodietcoke oh interesting. I’m sorry for your second birth - it must be so hard if you’ve had an easy birth before and know how it can be. Do you think there was any ‘explanation’ as to why DC2 was much harder (size, position etc) or was it totally random? I’m still a bit traumatised by a friend who said ‘oh it sounds like DD was back to back’ and when I said she wasn’t said ‘oh well let’s hope you don’t have a back to back next time if you found this hard’

Second labour for me was a lot quicker, but a hell of a lot more painful. Saying that your first birth still sound like it would have been more painful than my second

Sorry, idiot, just seen your comment re weights. Interesting. Maybe I’ll take up smoking during pregnancy if I have a second

@Scweltish I suspect in addition to her size etc the 3 days of latent labour was an issue as I was exhausted by the time I got to active labour, which meant I took an epidural out of desperation which only slowed things and didn’t actually offer pain relief. I’m not sure I’d have a sweep again though, I feel like maybe my body should have kicked things off naturally and it wouldn’t have dragged out so long? Although I understand recovery is worse from a quick painful labour so swings and roundabouts 🤷🏻‍♀️

1st birth - exhausting 3 day latent phase, only 2cm , then induced, sooo painful, epidural, baby in distress, 2 hours pushing to no avail (due to epidural), episiotomy, emergency forceps and sepsis.

2nd birth- tightenings which turned out to be contractions and was already 4cm before I felt any pain at all, then stretch and sweep kicked things off very considerably and my baby was born 3 hours later after just 6 mins of pushing. It was excruciating for about an hour and I was desperate for an epidural in that time, but it was too late. I did also rip in all directions which was not pleasant, but overall it was a much better experience.

Now expecting DC3 and am hoping for the peaceful water birth I always wanted (haha, will I never learn?!)

1st obviously painful but just gas and air and did really well.

2nd fucking awful , EC with alarms going off, blood transfusion, panic attack on operating table and tried to sit up mid C-Section was given a quick GA to knock me out. Traumatic

3rd juries still out four years later but not traumatised like I was with dc2 - spinal block went on a nerve and paralysed my left side of body including arm legs and face ( leaving left side of face dropping) Split my CS scar as I couldn’t feel it. However I made a lovely friend in the next bed and were still friends to this day.

My births were completely different.

#1 woke up one morning at 8am in active labour at 40wks, baby was out 8 hours later. However there was some fetal distress and they were very close to performing an episiotomy until I put all my effort into pushing the baby out asap and got a 2nd degree tear in the process!

#2 was in latent labour for about a week. Very, very slow process getting to 10cm. Baby finally put in an appearance at 39wks and the birth was lovely. Very relaxed and I felt super confident having been through it all once before.

Both babies were just under 9lbs but heads were on the smaller side, which I was very thankful for .

Reading up a lot on giving birth helped with my 2nd. With baby no 3 I will be keeping as active as possible during the 1st stage as I realise now that it was when I slowed down that the labour stopped progressing.

P.S. I'm so jealous of you having a lovely 9 week old to cuddle

Just want to add my paralysis only lasted two days!

Congratulations on the birth of your DD. Sorry it was a difficult birth, hope your episiotomy is healing ok. Some hospitals offer a "birth afterthoughts" service whereby you can debrief with a midwife and ask any questions you might have, it's worth considering whether you'd find that helpful.

I recently gave birth to DC2 and it was a much better experience than with DC1. I'll try and keep the stories as brief as possible!

DC1
Went overdue and declined induction, went into labour naturally at 41+4, went to MLU as planned, waters broke while I was there and thick meconium found, transferred to delivery unit as they wanted continuous monitoring, had an unpleasant and unsupportive midwife who did not respect my wish to stay mobile and insisted that I lie on my back on the bed, and as a result I found the experience very stressful and pretty traumatic (as I was in pain and wasn't able to get comfortable), frequent vaginal exams despite the fact that I'd said I wanted minimal exams in my birth preferences notes, ended up with mild shoulder dystocia, which was resolved very promptly and with no injury to baby, but was obviously stressful (I'm 99% sure it happened because I was forced to lie on my back, because it's not an optimum position for opening the pelvis). I had an episiotomy and was in a lot of pain afterwards - couldn't sit at all for several days and after that I sat on a donut cushion for weeks. Had a PPH, not sudden or enough to need a blood transfusion, but gradual heavy blood loss. Also had to have a catheter for about 24h afterwards, which was painful when they inserted it and made me uncomfortable. Lastly I developed a uterine infection (which I'm 99% sure was caused by the frequent vaginal exams after my waters had broken) and had to have antibiotics, first via IV and then tablets after I was discharged. Despite the fact that the birth itself was pretty straightforward, all things considered (no complications from the meconium or the shoulder dystocia) I didn't feel I'd been particularly well looked after and I was in a lot of pain afterwards due to all the things I've listed.

DC2
Was anxious about the birth throughout pregnancy due to experience with DC1. Spoke to birth afterthoughts service (I had called them after DC1 was born but never got a call back 🙄 so had a very belated debrief!) which was mildly helpful. Hired a doula who was incredibly helpful. Wanted two birth partners (husband and doula) but wasn't allowed due to Covid. Hesitated between MLU (first choice but doula wouldn't be allowed) and home birth (wouldn't usually have considered it but doula could be there until midwife arrived). Decided to plan a home birth to keep my options open, figuring I could just go into hospital if I changed my mind, and did end up having a home birth. Baby born at 40+1 and it all happened so fast that I wouldn't have made it into hospital anyway. Completely straightforward vaginal birth, no meconium, no shoulder dystocia, no other complications. Second degree tear which the midwife was able to repair at home, so I didn't have to go into hospital at all No PPH, no catheter, no infection. So a much much better experience than first time around.

Both my babies were over 9lb btw, first was 9lb4 and second was 9lb1. I've heard that bigger babies can actually be easier to birth for some reason. And statistically second/subsequent labours are usually quicker and easier.

PS I was hoping to use the birthing pool both times but never did get in! First time they wouldn't let me because of the meconium second time it was all too fast and we never managed to set up the pool!

I had a difficult first labour. 40ish hours, episiotomy and forceps, very nearly a c-section as DD1 was properly wedged. My second birth was way better and much shorter, only about 18 hours from first twinge to baby. I mainly laboured at home and was only in hospital about 20 mins before the baby arrived, so didn't get to use the pool but it didn't matter to me much in the end. Only had a small tear and felt fine to go home a few hours later. The contractions were way less painful as well. I think DD1 got stuck in an awkward position early on which made things much more difficult and painful. DD2 was much more cooperative and it all went more as I hoped it would. I was surprised I was as far along as I was when I got to hospital as I didn't feel like it was that bad at all compared to DD1's birth.

I think it was a combination of things really! Obv he was bigger but he was also back to back so the pain was completely different -all in my bum and just agony. It was so awful I just couldn't calm down and midwives treated me like I was a child and talked over me to my husband. I kept saying something was wrong as I'd had my first no problem.
They kept wanting me to lie down and I just couldn't as it was unbearable. If my second had been like first I'd have definitely gone on to have more children I think as we always wanted four but after the labour and recovery I can't even think about it without crying.

@saynotodietcoke

First was induced at 13 days over, she was 9lb 13oz and quite happy to stay cosy where she was. Epidural, vacuum, forceps, episiotomy, couldn’t sit without a pillow under me for 5 weeks. Fairly traumatic.

Second was a pound lighter and a week earlier. I had done loads of reflexology in the third trimester and I drank raspberry leaf tea. I reckon those two combined really helped. I birthed her easily with a shot of pethidine and gas and air.

Currently 19 weeks with the third so hoping for another like the second!!

@saynotodietcoke I’m so sorry for your experience

Have you spoken to anyone about this? Most trusts offer the opportunity to talk through notes with a midwife

I had a rough time after DC1 was born and thought I was going to die, as did my DH. Essentially a combination of circumstances - lack of resources, bad decisions (possibly neglect) caused me to have complications I should never have had.

I had PTSD on and off but requested my notes (I now have them at home to look at whenever I want!) and I researched every element of what happened thoroughly, so I could understand the medical decisions and circumstances. Understanding why and how made a huge difference to my acceptance. I am grateful to be very well now and have a healthy child too.

For anyone that has a negative experience, I urge you not to push it to the back of your mind until you have really talked it through and understood it.

Hugs xx

My first birth was a horrible and long back-to-back labour. I was physically sick from the pain and soon became dehydrated and had to be hooked up to a drip. It ended with a forceps delivery and episiotomy. Not fun.

Just had number 2 a few weeks ago and although I was inducted, it was such a positive experience. I had an epidural and managed to rest and then only had to push for 20 minutes before baby was born. I felt really in control and really present - I got to take everything in this time. I had a second degree tear but much less painful recovery wise than the episiotomy. I was on a high afterwards and felt like superwoman! Very different to the first time where it was all a painful blur!

Dc1 was an "easy" labour, induced at 40+3 , total labour lasted 4hours 41 mins but I had pethodine(sp) which I hated as it just made me sleepy and every time I was just "nodding off" I got a contraction, which frustrated me. the midwife also wouldn't let me push on my side even though that was when I was most comfortable as I had back labour. I also had a 2nd degree which which obviously required stitches and even though I didn't feel any pain I literally felt everything they were doing. Dc2 was so different, inducted again at 40+3 but my body was more than ready as he was born 1hour 11 mins later with no pain relief and no stitches needed. I was also allowed to push on my side which made a huge difference.

First birth was not a great experience - PROM, lengthy, post partum haemorrhage, lengthy hospital stay (as in weeks) due to infection and ds want allowed to stay with me.

Second birth - had a debrief, got agreement to birth in the midwife led unit (despite previous PPH), for a doula, wrote a sensible birth plan. Got a big nap in when I realised I was in early labour, got my tens machine going (I could each lyrical about how awesome my tens was). Went for a walk, did some dishes. Hung out in the dark in a bedroom for a bit (it had Cind6y things to lean on). Basically tried to stay home for as long as possible. Went to hospital in my Sunnies in the middle of the night (honestly, it helps). Revised vaginally exams, went to the birthing suite. They cannulated me (agreed previously because of previous blood loss). I told them baby's head was crowning - midwives tab around in a bit of a panic getting stuff ready. Apparently I was too calm and they had no idea dd was almost there. I felt like a rock star! Honestly the high was amazing - so confident and sure if myself and my body. So TLDR - tens is awesome, keep things as dark as possible, plan mentally for lots of outcomes.

Two very medicalised and pressured hospital births with my first two. Second son became very poorly as they artifically broke my waters and he went into shock.

Home birth with my third who was born in May. Honestly one of the best experiences of my life.