2nd pregnancies

[emma911030]

I'm due twins in a maximum of 8 weeks ish.. I have an 18month old also, he's just stopped going to nursery one day a week because of financial concerns at this horrid time.
I'm a little worried when my boys arrive how exhausted I'll be thinking back to how bad it was the first time and I only had one then..
I'm wondering if when the twins sleep would it be acceptable to put my 18month old in his cot and set up a little tv or iPad with his favourite programme and a bottle/sippy cup of water so he has fluid there and allow myself to have an hour too? My parents have both suggested this is ok but I don't know if I'd feel like I was neglecting him to have an hours sleep in the day if he wasn't quite ready for his nap at that point. I'm very wary of not allowing myself to drain every bit of life out of myself if there's a way not to. If my partner is home obviously he will be able to be with older son but when he is working I'll be on my own with the 3 of them when I don't have other help family/friends etc..

What did everyone else do to manage? TIA

27w with a 18m old. I've been preparing for this moment, DS1 naps every day 10:30 ish for 2-3 hours now and I'm planning to drop all form of chores so as soon as he lays down I too go to bed and sleep with baby!! Hoping that tides me through to what will be a early night!

It's personal preference really, I am miss anti iPad but you've got to do what's right for you!

My boy normally sleeps about then too but he's been all over the shop recently cause he's teething again 😫..
Yeah ideally I wouldn't want to be putting anything on like iPad and he doesn't have a tv it would have to be a specifically made purchase which again I'd rather not. Only really wanting it as a last resort.. I'm probably worrying about it more than I need to but I could have killer myself through exhaustion first time I was falling asleep at the drop of a hat just sat on the sofa and I'd wake up as my head fell 🤦🏼‍♀️..
He loves his books so maybe I'll get him into 'reading' his books. Tired just thinking about it lol

14m between mine and it was wonderful...and hard!!!

Absolutely take any and all opportunity to relax as much as you can. It's exhausting with 2 so I take my hat off to you with 3 under 2!

Yes I’ve done this

You have to look after yourself - your children are more at risk if you can’t get a nap when you really need one!

Ideally if he can be in the next room, in cot which he can’t climb out of, nothing in reach to chew/climb up, and iPad balanced far enough away so he doesn’t reach for it, I would say that’s ok. I’ve done it.

Just a thought - I only ever put on CBeebies as I trust their content! My 3yo DC loves it and the quality is v high

Never YouTube because they get plagued with adverts, or it switches to weird videos x

You're going to be in survival mode and do whatever you think is going to be best overall. I don't think its neglect at all, I will be doing the same when dc2 comes.

Maybe the twins will be good sleepers so it isn't an issue, you never know!

Good luck with it all x

I think we all start out with very clear ideas on screen time and sugar and gradually we adjust those parameters as the children become older and we accept that they actually don't give a shit about the beautiful wooden toys we bought and all they want is the tacky fantastic plastic. I would say to you that having a second baby is very different to having 2 second babies, I had two arms to juggle my toddler and new born, you will have much more on your plate -I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that though!
With that in mind, take the options which will help you the most. There are no awards given out at the end of all this, you are your only critic. It is a short time, the baby years, but the days can feel very long and grey when you are exhausted and worn thin. Access to social supports is also limited at this time, so try to look after yourself. If you find a routine which works for you and the babies then try to keep it. The plan as you described may be a success or it may not work out at all. My second baby was a very different fish to my first baby, and quite difficult if I'm honest. I thought because I had experience that it would be smooth sailing. Then my third baby was kinder to me 😂 I had quite strict views on things with my first but my second baby sort of rubbished those ideals. Being flexible with your expectations allows you to be more relaxed. And best of luck to you!! I'm expecting my fourth and I am so excited!

One thing I forgot to add is you don't want toddler to associate his cot with a ipad/tv as it may start bad habits for bedtime and cause you more tired. The blue light in ipads affect sleeps.

Agree with @calimommy to some extent but I've been miss anti ipad for kids for 17 years so don't see that changing 🤣

I wouldn’t allow him to watch a tv or iPad where he sleeps in case he cries for it when you put him down to sleep. But definitely figure out what works for you.

If it helps I have an 18 month old and a 6 week old baby and I haven’t needed to nap second time around. Baby isn’t a great sleeper during the day and wakes easily but only wakes once at night! So you never know what you’ll need once they arrive.

And good luck to you too @BabyG123 , it will be a busy time for you both. I'm also not a huge fan of iPads and screen time yet here I am with my children forced to distance learn on their iPads from 8:50-3pm everyday because where we live the schools refuse to open for in person learning. I definitely did not anticipate that. So we don't always get what we want unfortunately. OP is also heading into a very different situation than you are, with twins in her future. I'm sure she would much rather not have her toddler using a screen but if it ends up as an option, then perhaps it can be a temporary solution for her situation. Or perhaps she finds a completely different solution which works instead.

Rather than iPad in bed, can you not get a playpen for downstairs and nap on the sofa while he's in his playpen with the iPad nearby (on the counter for example). Seems better than associating cot with iPad. That way he also has his toys in the playpen to play with so it's not just a dedicated hour of staring at the screen.

For those "anti iPad" mums out there, I applaud you. But I'm definitely not one of you!

Do what you need to do and ignore any critics - I have a 4 year old and twins on the way too and I can tell you I will be taking the path of least resistance just to get through the first few months! 🤣

Completely agree that you need to look after yourself too. Please don't beat yourself up for thinking of using an Ipad. I am super impressed by stay at home mums who avoid them completely. I'd be a an exhausted wreck without. YouTube kids seems to be safe. We put on shows like learn counting/colours etc with Peppa. I feel as long as daughter has a mix of experiences without screen time, normal play and learn, swimming, ballet, Hartbeeps, adventure parks, playgrounds soft play etc then a little bit of screen time isn't too bad.

@calimommy OMG don't, I have older ones the same I bloody hate that they have to use them! Imagine what the future generations hand writing will be like 🤪🤪
I'm sure one day handwriting will be a thing big the past 🤦🏻‍♀️

As I stated before each to their own and you've got to do what you've got to do. Just personal preference after working with children with cognitive behaviour issues and it being linked to screen time from a young age makes me have that opinion.