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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Nobody wants me to have this baby. I feel heartbroken.

19 replies

Honeymoon21 · 14/10/2020 20:42

A few months ago my fiancé told me he wanted to have a baby and I felt like my whole world was complete, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. Part of me was cautious as he has said this before then changed his mind and I ended up pregnant. He pressured me into having an abortion and it was horrible.

Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago I find out my partner had been cheating on me for the last few months and my whole world came crashing down. I am still living with him and we have been trying to work it out but I went back on birth control even though we haven’t been having sex.

Now two days ago on Monday I went to the sexual health clinic to get tested for STIs because of his cheating and they told me I was pregnant.

My gut is telling me to keep this baby and finding out I was pregnant made me so happy even though the circumstances are so bad.

I told my partner and he doesn’t want anything to do with it or me if I keep the baby. I have also spoken to family and friends and everyone is pressuring me to terminate the pregnancy. I’ve been called selfish and stupid for even considering keeping the baby.

I physically feel sick to my stomach at the thought of terminating my baby but I have no job due to COVID, no money and will have no support if I keep it.

Shall I just listen to everyone else and terminate even though I know I would regret it?

I have no money or help to raise my baby otherwise.

I feel so heartbroken.

OP posts:

Standrewsschool · 14/10/2020 20:46

Don’t do anything you will regret later.

I’m sure there’s help and support out there. Someone wiser than me will be able to point you in the right direction.

Marie84 · 14/10/2020 20:58

Firstly I'm so sorry to hear you are going through all this. Ultimately it's your decision, he has said he doesn't want anything to do with you or the baby so you know exactly where you stand. As long as you are prepared to be a single parent I say go for it! For me becoming a mum was the best thing I've ever done! I was young when I got pregnant with a guy I was sort of seeing but nothing serious. We tried to make it work and ended up staying together about 12 months before I left. Don't get me wrong it's hard on your own but for me it's so worth it. Maybe you should speak to someone for some advice, I remember my mum saying to me at the time that she didn't know anyone who regretted going through with it but lots that regretted having an abortion. Good luck with what ever you decide and remember do what is best for you x

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/10/2020 21:01

How you are currently financially coping?
Don’t feel bullied by anyone OP- your ex is pure scum and your family/ friends prob think they are logically suggesting an easy option not realising your feelings, and that it’s not them!

Jojo19834 · 14/10/2020 21:03

You sound very much like you want this baby, you cannot terminate because others want you to. I don’t know how you get over that. Think about how you can make it work, your ‘ex’ will need to provide financial support so think about that too. I’m a single parent, by choice, and I love my LO so much, but I won’t lie, it’s hard. But I still love her to pieces

sundowners · 14/10/2020 21:23

Trust your gut. He can say he wants nothing to do with the baby (good riddance as he sounds awful) but he will still have to financially support his child. I know pregnancy/motherhood seems so massive, looming, scary when you first find out but it all slots- rather chaotically- into place!

CloudyVanilla · 14/10/2020 21:26

It's your baby my lovely. You can have them and love them. Do not put yourself through another abortion (how horrific that he pressured you to do so).

Sending you the strength to go against him and make the decision YOU want to make

Piwlyfbicsly · 14/10/2020 21:30

Life of a single mother with no money or help is not a walk in the park. If you fully understand that and are ready to fight to support yourself and your child possibly for years to come, no one can pressure you into termination.

Redcups64 · 14/10/2020 21:34

People may be pressuring you because they think they are doing the best by you. Doesn’t mean it is the best way for you though, you have to decide that.

However having a baby with no partner, no job and no money is a very poor decision that will make your life harder, not easier, I wouldn’t want that for myself or for my child, but others may be happy with it, it depends what you want and what you can mange really.

Namechange313 · 14/10/2020 21:35

Please don’t get an abortion if you have doubt op, you will regret it forever. My mother was in your position 27 years ago, dad said he wanted nothing to do with her or me. She even made the appointment to have me aborted. Something in her decided that it was not the right decision and so she moved back with her parents for a few months until she was housed (just after I was born) she was supported well, obviously through benefits and she had to strictly budget but she always says the early days with me as a baby/toddler were happy ones and she is so glad she kept me. She met my stepdad when I was 2 and had another baby (my brother) my stepdad is basically my dad as far as I’m concerned.

It all turned out great for my mum and she always says she knows it would’ve haunted her for the rest of her life if she’d gone through with aborting me. Feel free to message me OP if you need any advice on money/housing as a single mum x

Redcups64 · 14/10/2020 21:36

He also may have to financially support you but doesn’t mean he will, that could take years to sort out so don’t rely on it at all, just in case

abitfunny · 14/10/2020 21:38

I’m sorry you’re going through this right now.

My mum raised me on her own and I turned out fine. We had no money and nowhere to live, both her parents died when she was young. The first two years of my life were spent living at my mums brothers until she managed to save up so we could rent a little flat just the two of us (we stayed there for ten years until she bought a house with my stepdad). My biological father was a waste of space, he’s never been interested & I’ve met him once since I was born (I’m now 30). It was always just me & my mum growing up, it was truly wonderful. She worked so hard to provide for us both and never saw me go without. Don’t get me wrong there were difficult times, but the positives always outweighed the negatives. She is my biggest inspiration.

The point of my comment is that if you want to do this, you absolutely can. X

Ohalrightthen · 14/10/2020 21:42

Going against the grain here, but if you have no money, no home, no support, no job and no partner, i would think it would be pretty irresponsible to have a baby. What sort of life could you give them? In my experience it's much better to regret an abortion than to regret a baby.

Suzi888 · 14/10/2020 21:44

@Namechange313

I’m of this opinion ^^ Just because you start off on benefits doesn’t mean you have to stay on benefits long term unless you don’t want to. I have two friends who are very comfortable on their salaries, having studied once their children have started school. Babies and toddlers don’t cost that much. It has to be your decision.

Wheytaminute · 14/10/2020 21:47

@Ohalrightthen

I agree with this.

I was in a similar position - a low income, no home of my own, no partner - it was an easy decision for me as I knew it would be too hard to raise a child in those circumstances - and the option is there for us to choose. Many women in other countries don't have this option.

It's your decision though - just be realistic as to how you want the next 18 years to pan out.

Piwlyfbicsly · 14/10/2020 21:59

@abitfunny
The key information here is that your mum actually HAD support and somewhere to live (her brother’s place). It’s so much different when there’s truly nowhere to live and no job/income. I’m don’t know what the OP situation regarding accommodation, but it’s worth thinking about. I am happy that everything turned out well for your family though.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 14/10/2020 22:06

You've already had one abortion you didn't want, how did that pan out for you? Keeping the baby will be harder, but if you feel that's what you need to do, then do it.

DaisyandRibbons · 14/10/2020 22:07

Do you mind me asking how old you are OP?

I had a termination when I was young and in a bad situation. Later on, I got married, bought a house, have a wonderful DH and a beautiful baby girl. I’ve never ever regretted my decision.

Whatever you decide I hope you have some family or a friend in real life who will step up to support you.

seensome · 14/10/2020 22:17

Difficult when you've always wanted a baby, really depends if you think you can cope alone, if your were not pregnant you could meet and find a more decent man to have a baby with, having this baby you likely to single for quite some time on a low income, only you know what right to do is but think from both perspectives how your life would pan out.
Don't beat yourself up if you decide an abortion is best, you are fertile and would most likely get pregnant again and hopefully in better circumstances.
But it's your body you do what you feel is best.

Mischance · 14/10/2020 22:22

You have had one abortion, so you know the score better than anyone. If you do not want another then that is your right to choose. As others have said, being a single parent is a challenge and you need to be ready to face up to this.

The one clear thing in all of this is that your partner needs to be history. He is not a proper responsible man and need rid of him.

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