Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

Are you getting a doula? Reasons for your choice?

17 replies

Mimiwish · 14/10/2020 15:25

Hi,

Apologies if this has been discussed already, but my doctor has encouraged me to look into getting a doula.

However, we're only allowed one birthing partner at the moment due to Covid, so she won't actually be at the birth. I've chatted to one I liked a lot, and will probably reach out to a couple more, but the majority of the support provided will be via Zoom and Whatsapp. They may be able to come over when I go into labour at home - but I'm not sure if we'll welcome that or not with Covid. I'm thinking about it.

I was interested to know if any of you are considering a doula and what is influencing your decision? First time mum here.

Looking forward to hearing your views

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

Mimiwish · 14/10/2020 15:26

Just adding, we're planning to give birth in hospital and not at home, if it makes a difference... thank you! xx

OP posts:

peachypetite · 14/10/2020 15:27

What do you mean, you’ll face time her from hospital for support?

user1471518119 · 14/10/2020 15:28

I'm considering getting one but for post natal support only as I'm worried about the first few days post birth and not having enough support and having issues with breastfeeding. Trying to find one that will come to my house in person as think online support is not enough and haven't yet. Think financially it will be worth it for me to have peace of mind, also a ftm.

SunnySideUp2020 · 14/10/2020 15:36

I am also thinking of getting one.
FTM too and a bit worried that my partner won't be too helpful. He is very sensitive to anything medical and blood and can lose his shit quickly and panick. He is also so far not interested in learning about birth but we are early (15w4). And i think in that moment i will need someone knowledgeable and calm to reassure and guide me... so a doula!!!
A friend also told me it will help for the post natal time if i need it.

That being said like you i don't know how the restrictions will be then so will plan as if i can have two birth partners and if not then i will see...

MichelleOR84 · 14/10/2020 16:31

I really want a doula but I can’t afford one , plus there’s COVID so that complicates things !

For my first labour , I was at home for most of it and a doula would have been wonderful support . I just couldn’t afford it .

Ideally you labour at home as long as you can ( as long as there are no complications) and then head to the hospital .

MichelleOR84 · 14/10/2020 16:31

@SunnySideUp2020 my husband is the same and he was fantastic support with my first labour ! He might surprise you 🤗

happymummy12345 · 14/10/2020 16:40

I never once considered it. I knew the only person I wanted there was my husband

NameChange30 · 14/10/2020 17:00

I had a doula when I gave birth to DC2 last month.
I hired her just after my 12 week scan, which was shortly before lockdown, so at the time I had no idea there would be restrictions due to Covid.
I spent most of my pregnancy worrying that I wouldn't be able to have both her and DH at the birth. But in the end I had a planned home birth and it all went so fast that my doula only arrived towards the end, and the midwife arrived just in time and was too focused on checking me and baby were ok as I pushed her out to worry about making my doula leave the room!
My doula was hugely supportive during pregnancy so even if she hadn't been at the birth I think it would have been worth it (albeit disappointing).
There is a big campaign atm to ease restrictions in maternity care and some hospitals are starting to allow two birth partners, so you never know. Look it up, it's called "But Not Maternity".

My reasons for hiring a doula was a negative experience first time I gave birth (I was unlucky to have an unpleasant midwife who didn't respect my wishes or support me). DH wasn't a great birth partner; he didn't really know how best to support me, which is fine - he's obviously not given birth himself and had never attended a birth before. Most doulas are mothers themselves and they will have supporting lots of women giving birth so they have some experience. I found my doula a calming and reassuring presence (unlike DH, sorry DH!)

I do think that some midwives can be rather dismissive towards first time mums in particular, and although I'm usually very assertive, it's very difficult to be assertive when you're in established labour - especially if it's your first time. So I wanted a doula who would "have my back" and support me to assert myself (or advocate for me if needed).

TTCAbroad · 14/10/2020 23:25

I'm considering hiring one and hoping restrictions are eased to allow two people in the room with you. I'm not sure how I would feel if she had to be Zoomed in

I like the idea of having someone there that knows about the birth process and is an advocate for me and me alone. I love my husband and he isn't squeamish or anything but he also knows no more about birth than me.

Original poster

Mimiwish · 15/10/2020 08:41

Thank you so much for all your responses! Sounds like several of us are considering one for the same reasons: just having the support there can be such a relief!

@peachypetite if she's not at the birth, she's 'on call' to have either facetime or whatsapp chats all the way through. I know that sounds like a big expense for something virtual, but I have quite a lot of anxiety around how it will be at the hospital if things go wrong or a bit off piste.

They often offer one or two sessions after birth too and come over to help, or you can have a postnatal package.

I'm still not 100% sure, but am definitely seriously considering it, even if it is mainly virtual.

@NameChange30 thanks for sharing your experience, and yay for having a successful home birth! That's awesome - congrats! Being "older" (cough, cough) I'm not sure they'll encourage that route for me; I think it will be the hospital for us, but I would if I could!

OP posts:

ChampooPapi · 15/10/2020 08:53

I'd love a doula, I definitely want my partner with me too of course and yes, there are some doula's who are the best, just like there are some midwives who sent, but many doula's are former nurses, midwives or NHS workers. I met a great one at a baby group about a month ago, she was offering me two free sessions with her and she was a former midwife herself. She was was great!

ChampooPapi · 15/10/2020 08:56

*who aren't the best

peachypetite · 15/10/2020 08:59

@Mimiwish yeh it sucks with the only one birthing partner in person.

ChampooPapi · 15/10/2020 09:02

the only person I wanted there was my husband

Did he deliver the baby then?

As obviously in hospital there are a fair few other people around then just your partner, midwives, doctors, orderlies, student midwives ect , so there are always plenty of people you've never even met before. Especially the midwife who visits post labour. She/he is very seldom the midwife you've been seeing throughout your pregnancy.

So having a doula can be really nice, someone to advocate for you who actually knows your wishes, rather then the ransoms who usually end up delivering your baby. Doesn't mean you can have your husband or partner there too.

Though obviously with restrictions most people will pick there spouse to be there of it comes down to choosing. Having a connection to a friendly face who knows you can be really good, even if it is over zoom or face time

ChampooPapi · 15/10/2020 09:03

*randoms

NameChange30 · 15/10/2020 09:06

Thank you! FWIW, I was on the fence about a home birth, but I decided to keep my options open by planning one, then I could always just go into hospital if I changed my mind. As it happens, it's just as well I planned one because I wouldn't have had time to go into hospital!

Some info (including research) about home birth and "older" mums:
www.homebirth.org.uk/oldmums.htm

BumbleNova · 15/10/2020 09:24

I'm having the same doula as I had with my first. She was an amazing support during my completely bonkers first labour and I'm confident she was the reason I avoided both an instrumental delivery and an emergency section despite 56 hours of labour, stalling at 8 cms and having an epidural.

I'm planning a home birth for my second due any day now. I will call her as soon as my labour starts and the midwives will join us but she will make the decision which is reassuring for my husband! Currently only allowed one birth partner but hoping the midwives will be pragmatic about it. My midwife said how much they like having a doula there too, it makes their job easier.

I'm now seeing her every week since I'm so close to my due date. She helped with my birth preferences and is such a useful source of information. We have been discussing the best positions to be in, what snacks etc. She is worth her weight in gold!

Flip