Pregnancy exhaustion in a big 4 - can I reduce hours?

[LikeSilentRaindrops]

Apologies in advance for a bit of a ramble, but would appreciate thoughts.

TL;DR - when is it a ‘good’ reason to request reduced hours from the GP?

30 weeks, 3rd pregnancy. Work in a senior position in big corporate environment - lots of pressure on utilisation / sales targets etc, mostly men above me. Average working day atm is about 12 hours, sometimes 15 if deadlines due etc. Everybody working at the max to try and mitigate impact of COVID on contracts.

I’ve got a historic pelvic injury which causes a lot of pain, manageable with a weekly osteo appt, but prevents me from ever having a proper night’s sleep. Baby is measuring big (98th centile), which isn’t helping pelvis or back pain!

I am knackered. At weekends, I have at least a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day (and then feel rubbish that I’m not spending enough time with other kids, DCs 5 and 2). Can’t nap in the week as my schedule is honestly back to back and I’ve been keen that none of my seniors see me as being any less because of the pregnancy. Potentially up for promotion this year - although company hasn’t got a great track record of Putting women on mat leave through the process.

Can I / should I take some time off? I feel like I’ve lost sight of what’s reasonable any more. I haven’t made time for pregnancy Pilates - because of work. I sometimes forget to eat lunch or stay hydrated - because of work. I find it very hard to switch off and have a lot of work related dreams, to the point where I often just get up at 5 (like now) to keep ploughing through my task list. But I don’t know if this is ‘normal’ for pregnancy in a job like mine and therefore whether I just keep going for what will only be another 8 weeks anyway?

TBH I wish had listened to older women in the family who were shocked by the idea of me working until 38 weeks. When I approached my boss about going off at around 30 due to historic knee issues (I was around 12 weeks so they had plenty of planning time) I got a lecture about how others had coped and his wife had worked until labour. I work in a busy ss role and was trying to get everything done before mat leave . A 32 week checkup and scan showed my blood pressure was through the roof and baby had gone from thriving to not growing well. I immediately signed myself off work and baby slowly started growing again but was tiny at birth and I still feel a lot of guilt for not caring for myself and by extension her and caring more what my stupid boss thought. Sit down before you fall down. Talk to your midwife and your employer. Frame it as preparing for mat leave and starting to handover tasks before you go rather than a sudden disappearing act.

Ah OP be kind to yourself! You sound quite frankly exhausted and in pain. I would definitely either take maternity leave early, or at least some time off, or if you didn't want to do that request reduced working hours or allocated working from home days or afternoons if you can do your job from home

Big 4 professional services? You need to look after yourself- this not drinking and stress isn’t good for you or baby. I’ve had two babies while at a big 4, my 2nd I had to use a day of holiday a week for the 8th month and went on leave at 36 weeks with both- I should add my performance and reviews were always great it was just wiping me out, everything hurt, I physically couldn’t keep up.
I think you need a day of sick leave to start with and bed rest.

Why don’t you take a few days or longer off to give yourself some headspace to think? Am in a similar position although hours not as long all the time, more peaks, had a bleed last week which has really served as a wake up call to take better care of myself and growing DC. From the sound of your post your sentiment is the same as mine once you can see it - when you are in the thick of a crazy schedule it’s hard to do anything but keep plugging away and surviving

I used to work in a big 4. In my one I think we had the opportunity to request reduced hours in the last trimester without it impacting on maternity pay.

I also struggled a lot near the end and request to come off my project at around 30 weeks and just do bids / internal stuff until I went on leave. It was just too much near the end

Re the promotion do you mean a mid year round? They must be extremely competitive if they are doing them at all this year. If you mean for june next year I’d say your chances are slim to none - were you planning to come back and do promotion interviews in March/ April?

I'm not at a B4 but reading your post it sounds like you're about to end up on sick leave, and if you went to the GP with how you're feeling, without mentioning pregnancy, you'd be signed off: you're not feeling well and work is making you worse.

A little point though. A PP mentioned bed rest. This is something you actually want to do everything to avoid. I didn't listen to my body in a pregnancy and ended up having to do it. It's not restful (and made even worse by everybody and their auntie thinking you're having a peaceful jolly on your arse/in bed). You need a break and to sleep. And then to do some gentle exercise. Bed rest is awful for muscles and if you've got an injury that requires frequent osteopathy, you don't want to be stuck in one or two positions for long periods (because your muscles become very weak which makes every problem worse). Also, your work is not likely to understand "bed rest" as an emergency either which sounds like it won't help your career.

Listen to your body before it ends up taking over.

Thank you so much for all the replies!! So helpful.

I think one of my challenges is that there’s no one else in my position in my immediate network of 75-100 people, so it becomes difficult to judge whether I’m pushing myself too hard or making a fuss over very little.

@UncleBunclesHouse you’re absolutely right, I feel like I’m just trying to get through every long day at the moment, with no headspace for thinking outside of that.

@blackcat86 I’m so sorry that happened to you - its so easy to focus on what people on the outside are saying, rather than the tiny voiceless bump.

Yes, big 4 professional services. This is my 2nd baby there, but last time I had more flex as I was just running one project. I’ve been running two concurrently, plus leading 3 bids for the last 4 months. It isn’t anyone’s fault, as market conditions mean we’ve had to do much more, but I’m also not really feeling much acknowledgment or recognition of the amount I’m carrying.

Two client-facing projects, that should have said, although mostly virtual / wfh.

The hours are normal for a job like yours. Not easily compatible with first or late third trimester. You will probably do better in 2nd trimester if you can withstand the pain.

Do your pilates at the weekend. Make sure you move around during the day, don't stay sitting. If you are in the office, urgently request a sit-stand desk (pregnant staff have to have a workplace assessment, ask for one).

Not making time to eat or drink is daft. Even if you weren't pregnant . You concentrate better if you remain productive.

Plan to go on mat leave at the earliest opportunity.

It's not your fault or your company's that you are pregnant. You have a job that requires a massive commitment. Ajd your baby requires a massive commitment too. Speak to your manager and ask about reducing your hours and pay. They would probably rather that, than lose you mid-project.

It surely won't be easy to return to this role with 3 young kids unless you get support or make changes to your working life.

You have a number of things to think about here, considering at 30w you have between 6 and 12 weeks of pregnancy to go.

1. When do you want to start full mat leave?
2. Are you finishing your projects pre mat leave or handing them over to someone else? If handing over, how early can you start this?
3. Are you able to use leave to reduce working days in the month before mat leave?
4. Can you take a week off now to try to recover some energy?
5. Take a brutal look at your workload, where are you being a perfectionist? What can live with being done by someone else, done half as well, or not done at all?
6. Don't stress about the promotion for now... it will either happen or not happen but you are probably better able to fight for it on your return.
7. Can you combine decompressing on the weekend with spending time with your kids? Esp as weather deteriorates - movies/reading etc?
8. As a pp said, prioritise health during the day - pregnant or not, ensure you have water and food.

Speak to your manager and ask about reducing your hours and pay. Bollocks do NOT do that. They don’t pay that much and piddling per hour. They just have to accept that every now and then employees can’t do 90 hour weeks every week, and might have to cut back to closer to what they are contracted to, or take actual sick leave. Believe it or not while it always seems impossible as an individual it also happens regularly because we are all human.
Drop a ball op. You are overloaded, dump a project. Email job partner and people partner and say I know it’s all crunch time but I can’t keep up the pace and need to handover this project.
You need to hand it over shortly anyway. You didn’t say about level and promotion but unless you have put in a business case it seems unlikely. If you want to hand it over really professionally take that sick day, rest and do a succession plan for who will do what. (I don’t mean to be dismissive. I have been promoted while pregnant, but I was still working to do a final interview at 36 weeks, and lots of feedback about how unusual getting a promotion at that point was)
Remember work will not be there for you when you are old. Work will not be a caring support for you if you fall apart and end up in bed for the next 8 weeks, or if anything worse happens. Work can not be your priority all the time, and you are not your works priority. YOU are your own most important client, and sometimes that advice isn’t about career.