Blood pressure/birth disappointment

ForthPlace · 10/10/2020 10:12

Do you know from very much my own point of view...all I wanted was a safe delivery that was of no detriment to my baby.

I planned, I believed the hype. I ended up with one of my DC's delivered by CS and others naturally.

I believed that music, candles and a good magazine would get me through...OMG...I couldn't have cared less at the time. Music and a few candles were never going to take away the pain. ( and I'm saying that a bit tongue in cheek!)

I wouldn't have chosen a CS, but I reasoned that safe choices about delivery affected me short term, the wrong choices could have left me or my DC with life long issues that I couldn't change.

Safe, healthy baby is always the priority.

MaryShelley1818 · 10/10/2020 10:16

I didn't even bother with birth plan at all.
The single only thing that mattered to me was a healthy baby at the end of it. I didn't mind about my birth experience as long as my baby was healthy.
Honestly, I think you're focusing on the wrong things but I appreciate a lot of other women feel the same.

cantarina · 10/10/2020 10:20

I had elevated blood pressure at the end of my pregnancy and had to abandon my ideas of a home birth. I was induced and monitored throughout. Birth plan ignored.

A decade on it's a distant memory and so much less important to me than it was at the time. The bit that endures is that I had a lovely baby at the end of it.

And what I learnt about having a baby was that everyone had ideas about the right way of doing things from birth to breastfeeding to what books to read your child, how they watch TV. And sometimes I felt bad about where I was and what I was doing due to others views.

Follow the balance of what feels right, what is safest and most straightforward for you and baby and you'll be a brilliant mum. Don't let anyone take the joy out of your experience or belittle the choices you make or have to make. If you do share your story (you say you are afraid to talk about it) you should find tea and sympathy - lots of people have negative experiences of birth. If you don't get that, you shouldn't care what that person thinks.

MrsL2016 · 10/10/2020 10:23

Is your MLU separate from your labour ward? Ours is literally next door,so transferring is relatively easy if needed. Could you push to start in MLU and only transfer if medically indicated? But just to echo what others have said, you and your babies safety is the highest priority, so put aside what others believe is the best way to birth and focus on that. I had a straight forward pregnancy and was headed for the MLU but instead had a monitored labour that resulted in forceps delivery. It was absolutely the right thing at the time for me and my son.

Sunshinehousexo · 10/10/2020 10:31

With my first I was determined I would have the birthing pool. However, my waters went and I ended up needing to be induced. I asked every single professional who walked by me if I could go in the birthing pool. My DH was sick of hearing me. I didn't get the birthing pool. After I had DS, I didnt care. I ended up having a haemorrhage afterwards.

I'm now pregnant with baby number 2 and due in a few weeks. By blood pressure has also crept up and I need regular monitoring. I'd like to go in the birthing pool but if I can't then i don't care. I just want my baby and me to be safe. I'm much more prepared to go with the flow this time round.

rorosemary · 10/10/2020 10:40

I knew before I got pregnant that I would be consultant led, induced, put on a drip, flat on my back and baby and me being monitored throughout the birth. They want me in hospital preferably before the first contraction or asap after it. I shut down any conversation about holistic birth ideas because it's not possible for me without a big risk, besides not being my taste. I've known since I was 20 that I wouldn't have choice in my birth. And you know what? It's fine to give birth like that. The tubes didn't bother me last time. The maternity staff took such good care of us last time (early stillbirth) and was so kind. I was pretty comfortable. All pain relief available. I was frequently asked if I wanted snacks/drinks/an extra cushion. Having kind and caring people around you do so much for your state of mind that it makes it ok. Besides, nobody gets pregnant just to have some idealistic birth, we get (or stay) pregnant because we want the baby!

Original poster

Trufflepuffpuff · 10/10/2020 10:41

Thanks all, it's nice to hear some similar experiences. I totally agree that in the end it's about a healthy baby and making the right choices for me. I think it's more that in the run up to birth there seems to be a lot of focus on making it calm and soothing and I'm aware that's less realistic on the labour ward... the MLU is connected to the hospital but they have v strict criteria and I'm a bit nervous so would probably rather go with what they think is best. I just weirdly feel a bit guilty that I've got this far and 'failed' at the last hurdle.

OP posts:

rorosemary · 10/10/2020 10:46

I think it's more that in the run up to birth there seems to be a lot of focus on making it calm and soothing

I sometimes wonder if it's just to give you something else to worry about. I mean, no amount of candles or whale music calms or sooths me when in pain or throwing up otherwise, so I don't see how it will help me during the birth. I appreciate that that just might be me though .

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 10/10/2020 10:50

I was higher risk due to GD so found out quite early on that there would be no MLU water birth for me and I’d be induced at 38 weeks. I was gutted at first, of course, but then actually I found it removed some of the pressure for that all natural medication free whale music birth that does get pushed when you’re pregnant. It just wasn’t an option, so I couldn’t feel like a failure for not having it, if that makes sense.

4 NCT friends who gave birth around the same time as me were all low risk and initially on the MLU and every one of them ended up being transferred to the labour ward and having difficult births - instrumental deliveries, episiotomies or emergency c sections. And all struggled afterwards with that feeling of failure to have an intervention-free birth, that they’d done something wrong.

I’m sorry you’re not likely to get the labour experience you’d hoped for. Take some time to process that, it’s ok to be disappointed or upset. But you can definitely still have a very positive experience. I hope all goes well for you

boymum4 · 10/10/2020 10:52

I wanted nothing more than a water birth with gas and air but ended up having to have a planned c section due to my son being breech! Furthest from what I wanted, but all I can say is the second I saw him I didn't care because all that will really matter to you is seeing your beautiful healthy baby 🥰 good luck!!

Original poster

Trufflepuffpuff · 10/10/2020 10:54

Thanks @JeanClaudeVanDammit I think I feel similar to you actually. In a way I feel a bit relieved that I sort of know what's coming and can prepare for it now (I know I can't really prepare but I agree with what you're saying). And thanks everyone - you're all absolutely right and it's making me feel better

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ButterfliesFlyingBy · 10/10/2020 10:58

My first pregnancy became high risk part way through and although I had wanted to be on the MLU, the labour ward became the best and only option. I used breathing techniques and music (not necessarily calm spa music, but what I enjoyed) and found both helpful, however, what resonates with each woman is different. I had a calm birth because I knew I was in the best place for both my baby and myself and therefore felt safe. If you feel safe, that will help you wherever you are.

Kodiak83 · 10/10/2020 10:58

I had an emergency csection with my first after 3 long hard days of labour. I had done hypnobirthing and felt SUCH pressure to succeed with having a natural birth. I had studied so hard, diligently practising and get I was going to ace it!!! I think part of the problem with these classes is they often focus so much on the natural path so that that is what you picture and focus on, without letting your mind wander to the alternatives. But then that is so detrimental to your mental health if you don’t end up having a natural, non medicalised birth. You feel like a total failure, particularly as all around you will be other mums/peers from these classes who seemingly manage to have a baby so easily (not everyone Will have it easy at all I must say but your state of mind will convince you that you are the anomaly!!). It’s very unfair on yourself and if I had my time again I’m not sure I would do the hypnobirthing course due to these negative associations it caused for me. I remember emailing my hypno instructor afterwards and asking if anyone else felt like me and she just dismissed me and said there was no guarantee etc that her method would work. It was hard as I did feel quite unsupported even though obviously she’s right!

Of course courses may be a bit more well rounded these days (this was 7 years ago) but I know there is still such a huge push on natural non interventional birth. Perhaps this is part of what is going on for you? The other ladies who have replied are right, in the moment you will not care what happens so long as your baby gets out safely. And you will be on a high afterwards so won’t really mind. I found the more negative feelings come down the line when others give birth and as I said above ‘do it seemingly so easily’, that’s when it can trigger you a bit. Or someone mentions a csection as an easy way out etc etc. Perhaps given you still have time before your birth, it may be worth working at unpicking some of the beliefs/associations you have so that you are more able to be kind to yourself whatever path your birth takes? I’ve subsequently had one more emergency csection (Clearly the pressure I felt from first time round made me want to try naturally again! It was even longer and more protracted!!!). I’ll be having an elective this time 😊 Wish you well with your birth and situation with the blood pressure. Just trust in your carers and that they will make the best choices for you. And try and switch the focus of your mindset a bit too. Unfollowing certain positive birth instagram pages can really help with that!

MsSquiz · 10/10/2020 11:02

I hoped for a relaxed water birth, with maybe just gas and air, dimmed lights, music playing, no screaming and I was low risk throughout pregnancy (my midwife kept calling it "textbook"

Then, the day I went into labour, my blood pressure was sky high so I was sent to the labour ward from the MLU (luckily only the same building)
Gas and air didn't work so they offered an epidural (which helps to reduce bp) and I gladly accepted it. I spent the remaining hours of my labour with DH, watching tv or listening to my playlist, the lights were still dimmed, the atmosphere was calm and relaxed.
They had to break my waters & put a clip on DD's head to monitor her. I still felt calm and relaxed.
I then needed an episiotomy & forceps as she was moving down then going back up, and getting tired. I went with it. And DD arrived, absolutely fine.

So it wasn't the "ideal" birth I had in my head, but it was still a positive birth for me.

Don't be put off because it's not what you planned. Just think of how you can adapt it.

LBOCS2 · 10/10/2020 11:03

In my first pregnancy from 36 weeks my blood pressure started rising more and more and I ended up with preeclampsia. I was induced at 37+3, which was not part of my ideal birth planning! It was absolutely fine. They started me with the gel, waters went spontaneously, had DD1 12hrs later. The only thing I would say is that because of the continuous monitoring I couldn't move around so I had an epidural in the end (which was fine).

MajorFaffington · 10/10/2020 11:06

I had a similar experience, but my blood pressure was only found fo be high when I actually arrived in MLU in slow labour. As it happens, I had to be induced in the end as I wasn’t progressing so had to go to the delivery suite anyway. There were a couple of hairy moments where I was grateful for the option of extra intervention.

For a while I was really disappointed and upset about not having the MLU birth, and felt like I had failed. But soon I forgot about the birth and focused on the baby. And as it turned out, of the 6 of us in our NCT group, only one had their baby in MLU, despite all of us spending the course planning to breathe the baby out with candles, massage and Enya.

Fast forward 3 years and I was heavily pregnant with my second. For a couple of reasons, I was offered an elective c section. I accepted willingly! It was an incredible experience and I didn’t care that it was medicalised or I would never have my “natural” birth, as long as he came out safely.

PrincessConsuela12 · 10/10/2020 11:09

I gave birth to DD1 almost 5 months ago, throughout my pregnancy I had visions of a water birth with low lighting & positive affirmations in the background. My blood pressure had been an issue throughout but my midwife understood that I got white coat syndrome & wasn't concerned however, when I went into labour the midwife wasn't happy with it & I ended up in the labour ward continuously monitored. I was so disappointed, it was so far from what I'd wanted but once things had got properly started all I could think about was the end goal, having a healthy baby.

It may not be the birth you envisioned but there are still things you can do to make it more relaxing, put a playlist together, have some fairy lights so it's not too bright & use the ball to keep as mobile as you can.

Good luck with everything, it's the most wonderful feeling holding your baby for the first time 🥰

FelicityPike · 10/10/2020 11:13

I’m so sorry that you’ve made yourself/ been made to feel this way.
Sad.

Babdoc · 10/10/2020 11:17

The trouble with a birth plan is that your baby and body haven’t read it!
OP, I wish so many women didn’t set themselves up to “fail” and then feel totally inappropriate guilt afterwards.
Natural childbirth is all very well, but it results in the deaths of 800 women a day, worldwide.
That shocking figure should make us all grateful for the high tech obstetric care and well equipped labour suites and operating theatres in the UK that stop us adding to the grim statistics.
Modern British labouring women are older, more obese, and more sedentary, with more comorbidities such as gestational diabetes and high blood pressure, than my generation were.
You are all likely to have more need of intervention, not less. Please don’t see this in any way as a “failure” to manage with hippy woo, candles, and a pool - see it in terms of the safety of you and your baby.
As PPs have told you (and I can vouch the same for my own labours) the mode of delivery is the least important thing about your child as they grow up. Good luck, and my best wishes for a well monitored safe labour and a healthy baby.

Original poster

Trufflepuffpuff · 10/10/2020 12:33

Thanks again all! It sounds like there are loads of similar experiences here but I feel like they don't really get talked about in classes or ahead of birth. Yes, people love to tell you horror stories but there isn't as much of people having a slightly more medicalised birth and it all being ok. There's definitely a huge emphasis in the books and classes I've been recommended on aiming for as natural a birth as possible, and for the pain relief methods to be a last resort. It does put a lot of pressure on women. I suppose it's similar to women who feel a failure if they struggle to breastfeed. I consider myself a fairly strong willed person and I was totally open to any kind of birth early on in my pregnancy, but I feel like I've been conditioned to want to low lighting MLU water birth with very little intervention, so the idea of a busy labour ward feels a bit wrong. Thanks for sharing your experiences, it's hugely reassuring.

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Babdoc · 10/10/2020 13:12

I can’t think of any other severely painful procedure where patients are encouraged to go through it “naturally” and feel a failure if they needed anaesthesia.
Would you ask the dentist to extract your tooth in a pool with some music and candles? I think not!

GrumpyHoonMain · 10/10/2020 13:16

@Trufflepuffpuff

After a low risk and relatively easy pregnancy, I've found my blood pressure is slightly elevated and the doctors have put me on labetalol. I went into hospital for monitoring and they said they're not particularly worried but to keep an eye on it and watch out for any symptoms.

It sounds likely now that my vision of a calm water birth in the MLU is very unlikely - they'll likely instead want me to go to the labour ward for continuous monitoring.

I'm feeling quite disappointed and a bit of a failure. There's so much pressure to have a very natural and holistic birth - perhaps that's just my experience of NCT and local mums to be but I'm scared to tell anyone about my situation now. I'm trying to be positive but I feel a bit down about it.

Has anyone been in the same situation and able to provide any reassurance? I wish I knew someone who'd faced something similar - it feels a bit lonely right now.

I had an induction with continuous monitoring. For most of it I was in the water birth room - hubby gave me massages with essential oils, midwives allowed us to put floating candles around the room. After the epidural I was so chilled out I even managed to sleep and managed to fully dilate during my nap - if it weren’t for DS’ heart faltering it would have been a really easy birth!

welshladywhois40 · 10/10/2020 13:53

Just a point on continuous monitoring - I was gutted when my labour started and due to some worrying signs I couldn't go to mlu and then they said I had to go on continuous monitoring. I was gutted that I would be strapped to a bed but I wasn't and as long as the I stayed near the machine I could still move around and stand for contractions or lean over the bed.

countbackfromten · 10/10/2020 14:38

Hi @Trufflepuffpuff. I’m an anaesthetist who spends a lot of time on labour ward and part of your post made me feel very sad. When you said like you had failed.

You haven’t failed at all. Not one tiny bit. I promise you.

This isn’t your fault, it is sadly one of those things. But no matter what happens you haven’t failed at all

Dyra · 10/10/2020 15:22

I'd said from the start that I was happy to go to the labour suite, but if I could, I'd quite like to go to the MLU. I said this because I was due late September, which is one of the busiest times of the year. If the MLU was closed or full, I wouldn't be disappointed. I'd had a low risk pregnancy throughout, so there was no reason I couldn't go.

As it happens, pre-eclampsia was picked up at my 36 week appointment. Any hope of going to the MLU, let alone having a water birth were completely dashed. I was mildly upset, but as I had made most of my plans assuming I'd be on the labour ward in the first place, it was more than fine in the end.

It's more then fine to grieve that you won't get your ideal birth. But you've got some time now to make a new ideal under the circumstances you find yourself in. Much of what you can get on the MLU is available on the labour ward. And you definitely haven't failed in anyway. For all you know, everything could have gone perfectly with your pregnancy, and you still could have wound up on the labour suite because timing meant all the rooms on the MLU were full.

If it helps, as with PP, I had the drip and continuous monitoring. Movement was limited, but possible. I could move around the bed and alter my position, which I did until I needed stronger painkillers than gas and air. Before the drip was put up, I had wireless monitoring, which meant I could move freely around the whole room.