Think it's happening again... Bleeding & Heartbroken

[Wiggleinherwalk]

Really struggling to hold it together - had a missed miscarriage back in March from my first pregnancy where the baby stopped growing at 5/6 weeks but didn't miscarry until 11/12 weeks.

Has taken 6 months of trying to get pregnant again and I was cautiously happy, but now I'm 6 weeks pregnant and having bleeding again. We DTD on Tuesday night, had some spotting yesterday but thought it was just 'one of those things', but today it's bright red blood whenever I go to the bathroom. With both pregnancies I never got morning sickness, just slightly tender boobs, but today even that's gone...

Spoken to the EPU and they've said there's not much they can do at this stage - if it gets a lot worse call them back, and to take a test in a week to see if I'm still pregnant...

I just don't think I can go through all this again... It was horrific last time, ended up in A&E with excessive bleeding and mentally I was a complete mess afterwards. Have called my mum in tears but my DH is at work today as he has a client meeting and he'll be utterly heartbroken.

It's just so so so shit and unfair and I want to scream and hit things. I just don't understand why this is happening. It feels like the whole of 2020 has been filled with blood and tears and heartache (and that's even before throwing in a global pandemic)

Sending a hand hold across. I have been where you are and it's such an awful time.

I had a mmc found at a reassurance scan at 10 weeks and then lost my second at 8 weeks. I noticed bleeding one evening and just knew that epu wouldn't do anything so we went for a private scan the next day as I just couldn't cope with not knowing and again no heartbeat.

What I remember is the kindness from the lady who did the scan and gave me the time to cry in her office and comfort she gave in terms of repeating this isn't my fault - nothing I had done had caused this.

So while my experience wasn't positive - I am hoping that maybe there will be good news for you. There are lots of people who bleed and have healthy pregnancies but I completely understand why you are freaking out.

Take care of yourselves

@welshladywhois40 Thank you so much for the hand hold and for your thoughtful message, and so sorry you've also been through this. I really hope you found your happy ending and it was third time lucky

It's just so awful and feel so helpless to be in this position again..

It's got much worse this afternoon so think it's definitely happening.. We had an early scan booked in 3 weeks time, as I couldn't face getting all the way to week 12 again to find out the worst news, but I don't think we'll make it that far...

Sorry my love. Sending you lots of hugs. Trust in God. Some things were just not meant to be. Wishing you nothing but the best and for you

Oh love I've been there and it's so f*#king awful and so unfair and can feel so lonely.

The waiting and the uncertainty are suffocating.

for you.

It sounds like you have supportive family around you, so let them take care of you. And be gentle with yourself, this grief is very real.

All the best OP

@PopsicleHustler @WineGummyBear Thank you so much for your messages, and so sorry you've been in this situation too - I really wouldn't wish it on anyone...

DH has messaged me that his meeting went well, he nailed it and the whole team are on a high. So proud of him, almost wish he didn't have to come home as his bubble of happiness is going to be spectacularly burst...

Just utterly utterly shit

I hope you are feeling ok today. Sending positive thoughts

@KANNET Thank you so much for your kind message and thoughts. Had a Chinese and shared a bottle of wine last night and watched Jurassic Park to take our minds off it - don't feel quite as down as last time, don't think I'd let myself get my hopes up...

I know what it is like to repeatedly lose pregnancies, so I just wanted to send you my best wishes. I hope of course that it will all be well with this pregnancy, but if not I hope you don't have to wait too long for positive news. We are now 19 weeks pregnant and it seems to be going well this time. Losing a pregnancy is so hard. Take care of yourselves both of you.

Sorry to hear this. I had two mc and then with this pregnancy has a massive bleed at 7 weeks. I knew for sure that was it. But the bleed was totally normal and I'm now 15 weeks and all is going well. Keeping everything crossed for you x

Hugs to you. I've been there and it's just devastating. I had a few early m/c and 2 ectopics before my amazing dd (pregnancy number 6). After a couple more losses and the news that my egg reserve was pretty much non-existent, I had my son and then, age 42, my daughter. I clearly remember thinking how far away and unattainable 12 weeks was. It's the worst and I'm sorry.

@Satlie2019 @LittleBrownBaby Thank you for your kind wishes and I'm so sorry that you've also experienced this, it's a club where no-one wants to be a member... Keeping everything crossed for you both for your pregnancies, getting past 12 weeks is incredible so I hope you feel at a stage where the worries are less and you can start trying to enjoy being pregnant and looking forward to meeting your little ones.

@everythingbackbutyou You're incredibly brave to have been through your journey and to have been able to keep the hope and faith that you'd have your happy ending - so happy that you got your family

Just written a shopping list for DH to nip to shop for me - wine, chocolate, paracetamol, and nighttime pads with wings and the highest 'drip rating' possible! He's such a sweetheart. When he got home last night I said i hadn't been feeling well, and he asked if my morning sickness had kicked it. Just burst into tears, it broke my heart - he'll be such an amazing dad, just so unfair

@Wiggleinherwalk, thank you. Not so much brave as a case of not being able to contemplate actively preventing pregnancy! My eldest dd was conceived as I was starting the IVF process - the day before I was due to start the shots, I had a call from the clinic to say I was already pregnant. Insane. I conceived my son soon after I made peace with the fact that my daughter would be an only child. And my youngest daughter was just an amazing surprise. I'm so glad you have a supportive and empathetic dh - you will get your chance to be amazing parents one way or another x

I'm so sorry, have been there too. 2 mmc's, both discovered at 12 week scan. Awful.

I just wanted to share that I went on shortly afterwards to have 3 healthy pregnancies, and that I hope you go on to have a happy ending too. 2 miscarriages is usually just very bad luck rather than a sign of anything else.

@Wiggleinherwalk thank you for your kind wishes at this horrendous time for you. Pregnancy loss happens to so many people and is so heartbreaking, yet so rarely spoken off (society even tells us not to tell people about pregnancies before 12 weeks which is awful I think). So many people lose babies and then have healthy babies. After our first loss many people, who have wonderful families and who I never knew had been through any pregnancy loss, told me of the babies they had lost. It was heart breaking, but also I felt solidarity with them and such hope. Some people are lucky and never have a preganncy loss, but to a large extent it is just luck, and you will almost certainly go on to have a healthy baby or babies despite the heart break on the way.

Sorry to hear what U have been through Hun...to reassure u a bit I had some bleeding at around 8 weeks of pregnancy...I rang and spoke to my midwife who gave me advice over the phone (this was back In 2017) I'm sure she said not to worry unless it's more than a certain size...I would ring ur midwife and see what she says...I had no problems during pregnancy and no symptoms at all...our little boy is now 2 xxx

How are you doing OP? X

@everythingbackbutyou That's so incredible to fall pregnant just as you were going to start IVF - What are the odds!? Can imagine how relieved you were as haven't looked at IVF in detail but heard it's a pretty overwhelming/intrusive process. I really hope we get our happy ending, just feels very out of reach at the moment..

@Notashandyta Sorry you've been through this too, but success stories are very welcome! Need to keep positive that it will be 'third time lucky'. I am wondering whether to get any private testing done, just to see if everything's working? Both pregnancies have ended at the 5 / 6 week mark, so seems to be its just not developing past a certain point? Am very much a "how can we fix the problem?" type person, so all this uncertainty and helplessness is killing me...

@Satlie2019 I do think it's more common than you realise, and definitely more than is shown on the picture perfect announcements that seem to be filling up my Facebook & Insta at the moment Was messaging someone in HR yesterday as needed to take the afternoon off and she was so lovely - think she was actively trying so knew exactly what it was like living from ovulation to ovulation, the nervous hope of the 2WW and then the disappointment... So many struggles and tears behind closed doors. With perfect timing it's currently Pregnancy Loss Awareness Week, but I don't think I'm brave enough to put anything out there publicly quite yet. Think Chrissy Teigen has been incredibly brave being so open about her loss - the grief is very real.

@lambo88 Thank you so much for your reassurance, and so glad your bleed turned out turned out to be nothing (apart from terrifying!) But I passed some tissue yesterday that I'm pretty sure was the sac and have had bleeding/clots last night and this morning, so sadly am convinced my journey this time has ended

@LittleBrownBaby Thanks so much for checking in - having some waves of sadness and have deleted my pregnancy app as it was wanting to update me on my baby at 6 weeks, so lost it a bit.. But going to try and have a busy and productive weekend doing some DIY on the house and DH is planning on cooking a nice dinner. Spent yesterday on the sofa with my cats and a blanket, so that was quite soothing.

Well done for looking after yourself. Try and take it easy and give yourself time. It's one of the hardest rollercoasters. Big virtual socially distanced hugs x

@Wiggleinherwalk yes as @LittleBrownBaby says time is really important, both to recover from this loss and to have your baby. I suppose it is always worth checking next week just in case (when I had an early loss one of the EPU nurses told me that she knew of cases of people bleeding in the first 4-6 or so weeks, assuming they had lost the baby, trying again, getting a positive test and then turning up at their what they thought was their 12 week scan far more pregnant). However, I just felt we had lost that baby, although I did of course check with a pregnancy test the next week, it does sound like this may be the case for you too and I don't want to get your hopes up, I just wanted to say that it does happen.

Something a friend who struggled to conceive said to me was that she felt that having had such a difficult journey to have children she did feel made her a better parent to her children now. I hope I have learnt something from my experience too.

I am glad your HR department has been supportive. Hope your DIY has gone well, take care of yourself, and good luck.