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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anything you wish you knew BEFORE 1st pregnancy/ baby?

52 replies

Nineteen88 · 06/10/2020 21:38

Hi all,

Very first mumsnet post here. My partner and I are very much in love and after our 4th mutual friends pregnancy announcement we’re now officially broody and talk about trying early next year.

So my question is- does anyone on here have any golden pieces of advice that they now have and wish they new before even just starting to try for their first baby?

If you were to be trying for your first baby again- would you do anything differently? Would you live in a particular size house, save a particular amount of money? Or even sign up to certain groups? Etc etc

Very much looking forward to reading the replies!

Luv newbie smile

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AegonT · 09/10/2020 16:53

Yes Expecting Better is brilliant for pregnancy (I'd buy it whilst TTC).

I wish I'd known some breastfed babies will never take a bottle no matter how many bottles, cups, positions, people feeding and types of milk you try. I would have saved hours expressing and sterilising and lots of money on fancy bottles and stress if I'd just not bothered trying. I still managed to go back to work fine at 8 months and my baby adapted (partly by feeding at night but that didn't last too long).

UnicornAndSparkles · 09/10/2020 17:28

Best tip I had on breast/bottle feeding was from a health visitor who told me to ignore the advice on not pumping milk early and offer baby a bottle from 1 week old. I did and she spent the next 2y happily going from bottle to boob as and when. Had I followed the usual advice and worried about nipple confusion I doubt I'd have got baby on the bottle!

Piccalily19 · 09/10/2020 17:49

Whilst it takes a long time for a lot of people you could be staring at a positive pregnancy test 4 weeks after you decide to just go for it like I was, so you may not have much time to get used to the idea of TTC.
I agree keep things to yourself, if no ones knows then no pressure. And same for announcing, each to their own but a friend told us all her happy news at 10 weeks then sadly had bad news at the 12 week scan. She’s TTC again now and said there’s no way she’d do the same again so early.
I’m currently 23 weeks pregnant and I was probably my most anxious pre-20 week scan compared to before my 12, so worries don’t ease much after the magic first scan haha! 🤣
Oh and private scans are so worth the money, especially if your hospital still isn’t allowing partners to NHS scans because of COVID

LittleTiger007 · 09/10/2020 18:00

Just realise that things don’t always work out how you plan them. My parents thought it would take a couple of years to fall pregnant and they fell the first month of trying. They were still very young to take on all that they faced. Then there’s me ... I planned to have five children by the time I was 30. I’m only just pregnant now, for the first time ... and I’m over 40. Sometimes it’s not simple.
Also when you’re pregnant ... wait. Don’t tell anyone. What I didn’t know was that there is a really high incidences of miscarriage in the first three months. Read trying to conceive threads for a picture of the pitfalls. Take it a month at a time, don’t be addicted to taking pregnancy tests, relax and try not to stress it too much and don’t announce to ANYONE that you’re trying. That may make for heartache for you.
I hope it goes perfectly and you fall pregnant very quickly! It does happen! Good luck.

LittleTiger007 · 09/10/2020 21:36

Ooo one other important thing I thought of whilst reading people’s very good comments: you need to stop taking the pill (if that’s what you’re on) a few months before you plan on conceiving ...but be careful that you dont conceive during this time. I know of a couple of sad cases (I’m a teacher) of boys conceived accidentally whilst their mother was either still taking the pill or it wasn’t fully out of her system. They ended up with too much of the female hormone oestrogen in their system. This can make a boy intersex or with very tiny genitalia. Tragic. Some of these boys get raised as girls... not cool.
Anyway, that won’t happen.... be positive but also don’t fall pregnant whilst the pill is in your system.

AnotherEmma · 09/10/2020 21:47

Eh?!

Strokethefurrywall · 09/10/2020 22:09

Don't set unrealistic expectations of yourself either during your L&D or as a new mum. Go into it with an open mind.

My motto when I had my DS was "alive at the end of the day". And that went for all of us, as long as we were all alive and kicking at the end of the day, then I couldn't have given a rats arse whether my house was messy or if there was laundry to do.

After pains are, for some (like me), more agonizing than labor. In fact, after pains and the newborn hormonal anxiety is what puts a stop to baby #3 for me.
And speaking of newborn post partum mental health, get some Bach flower rescue remedy and try and ride the waves for the first week. My baby blues with DS2 were awful and I really suffered for the first couple of weeks. Being gentle with myself, crying a lot, taking rescue remedy and drinking lots of tea and hot chocolate (and talking it through with friends) helped so much.
You may not have any blues but just in case, the above really helped for me.

ShirleyPhallus · 09/10/2020 22:10

@LittleTiger007

Ooo one other important thing I thought of whilst reading people’s very good comments: you need to stop taking the pill (if that’s what you’re on) a few months before you plan on conceiving ...but be careful that you dont conceive during this time. I know of a couple of sad cases (I’m a teacher) of boys conceived accidentally whilst their mother was either still taking the pill or it wasn’t fully out of her system. They ended up with too much of the female hormone oestrogen in their system. This can make a boy intersex or with very tiny genitalia. Tragic. Some of these boys get raised as girls... not cool. Anyway, that won’t happen.... be positive but also don’t fall pregnant whilst the pill is in your system.

Excellent

FlyingLemur · 09/10/2020 22:28

How hard being a parent is depends on:

your personality
your expectations And 3) the baby you have.

And don’t plan too much about exactly when you want to become a parent, for some people it takes 5 minutes and for others it takes 5 years. By this I don’t mean crack on and try at is what is really not a good time for you, but on the other hand don’t worry too much about having a baby at the “perfect” time.

FlyingLemur · 09/10/2020 22:31

@LittleTiger007
What?? That’s nonsense.

Mistymonday · 09/10/2020 22:59

That 38 is too effing old to start trying and I should never have got my hopes up.

UnicornAndSparkles · 10/10/2020 03:15

Utter scaremongering nonsense @LittleTiger007 where's your evidence?

This was such a nice, positive thread too.

Many kids are conceived whilst mum is on the pill and the science shows its out of your system in 24h, which is why you need to take a tablet daily to have any form of contraceptive effect.

I'd love to know why on earth parents of your students were discussing their own sex life and contraceptive use with you, their son's teacher. Not to mention a casual convo about their son's genitalia I've got a girl though so maybe I won't understand that sort of parents eve chat.

SquigglyOne · 10/10/2020 07:57

@LittleTiger007

Ooo one other important thing I thought of whilst reading people’s very good comments: you need to stop taking the pill (if that’s what you’re on) a few months before you plan on conceiving ...but be careful that you dont conceive during this time. I know of a couple of sad cases (I’m a teacher) of boys conceived accidentally whilst their mother was either still taking the pill or it wasn’t fully out of her system. They ended up with too much of the female hormone oestrogen in their system. This can make a boy intersex or with very tiny genitalia. Tragic. Some of these boys get raised as girls... not cool. Anyway, that won’t happen.... be positive but also don’t fall pregnant whilst the pill is in your system.

You’re joking right? 😐

Daffodil21 · 10/10/2020 08:13

The PP above who suggested you don't tell anyone when you do get pregnant - this advice isn't for everyone.

I personally hate the 'don't tell a soul until your 12 weeks' thing. What if you don't get to 12 weeks? My previous 2 pregnancies ended in MC (as another PP said, I wish I had known how common it was), we told both our parents and a couple of close friends. I also told my boss (who knew we were TTC). I was so glad I did in the end because boy did I need their support (work too because I took some time off for both).

I'm currently pregnant again, I'm barely even 5 weeks and I've already told my mum and a couple of close friends. I'm about to be on a lot of medication to help support this one so I now need to self isolate until week 12 (assuming we get that far). No way am I putting myself through this without the support from a couple of close friends. If you want to tell people, tell them. You don't have to announce it on fb but if you want to share it with a couple of people there is no harm in that. TTC and pregnancy can be a lonely old ride so don't be afraid to use your friends/family/whoever you need for support.

On a more positive note, it doesn't alway take years to conceive. Not every one struggles and as PP said, it may happen the first month! However if you find that you do struggle, I would 100% recommend the book 'it starts the with the egg'. There's some info for people just starting out but it is mostly aimed at people stuffing/pregnancy loss/IVF etc (I hope you never need this advice!)

UnicornAndSparkles · 10/10/2020 08:28

Good luck for you @Daffodil21. Im 11 weeks and I've told parents and close friends too; like you say i'll need the support if things go wrong. Did the same with my first pregnancy and have a gorgous little girl, again glad I did as i would have needed the support.

The sperm meets the egg is another good ttc book.

showmewhatyougot · 10/10/2020 08:35

Pay for the strep b test if in the UK it's not offered on the NHS. (It's only £38) If caught before baby arrives it can literally save baby's life. It's rare to ever cause complications, but if you are one of the unlucky ones, it causes meningitis, brain issues and seizures.

badacorn · 10/10/2020 08:43

Remember 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, try not to get attached too soon before you have successful scans.

That would be mine as I had a miscarriage and I was devastated. I know it brings the mood down to say it. As soon as I got a BFP, in my mind it was a done deal.

LittleTiger007 · 10/10/2020 14:22

Sadly not joking. It happens. Just make sure hormones are out of your system that’s all.

LittleTiger007 · 10/10/2020 14:26

It doesn’t mean that this always happens ... of course. But it never really happened before the pill. If it’s a girl then there’s no issue and same usually with boys.

LittleTiger007 · 10/10/2020 16:08

If I’m wrong then I apologise unreservedly. This is only based upon anecdotal cases of parents sharing with me, which they would do as I teach reception aged children. Children this age get changed together in open swimming room changing rooms etc.
Feel free to ignore this like anything else here.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 10/10/2020 16:13

You know that feeling you get when you worry about your tiny baby in your tummy , well I wish someone told me that this feeling carries on forever lol every time your child is out of your sight

AliSxo · 10/10/2020 16:46

There's a lot to learn before baby arrives from bathing baby to what baby needs to wear, which pram to buy etc. but it's all just amazing!! Expecting a baby boy in mid December 💙 xx

LaBellina · 10/10/2020 16:53

Organize a lot of help in the first weeks after the birth.

You are going to feel very hormonal for at least a couple of months -in my case- after giving birth.

People are likely to ask you very intrusive and rude questions like if it was planned. It's fine to tell them it's none of their business. Same for CF's trying to touch your belly without asking. Step back and tell them to keep their hands to themselves.

You are going to fall in love so much with your baby (at some point). When DS was born I thought: eeeew! Get this sticky baby away from me!
After a week I sat next to his cot, staring at him and crying so hard because he was do beautiful and I was so overwhelmed with love that I couldn't handle it and it made me cry.

CantDoMessyBuns · 10/10/2020 16:59

Are you and your partner married? My biggest piece of advice would be to get hitched before trying for a baby.

HeyDW96 · 13/10/2020 10:23

I got pregnant two weeks after stopping the pill, I looked at ALOT of information and not once did I read anything that said my baby may be intersex or born with a tiny willy for life.. sorry but I don't think there is much to back up that statement and it's quite unsettling for women who are pregnant with babies conceived either on or just off the pill! @LittleTiger007

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