Please help me understand how I feel!

[curiouscat1987]

This is pretty brutally honest and I dont want to offend anyone, but im desperate for some insight into how i feel and if anyone else has ever felt anythingvaguely similar!

For a bit of background, Im totally not maternal, dont appear to have a biological clock, and am pretty uninterested in/actively avoid babies (and some children, depending on how they are. Toddlers upwards seem to love me though!). I dont find them cute, but vaguely repulsive, and am the kind of person that when a colleague brings in a new baby and all the women queue to 'have a cuddle' and they get offered to me im like nope im good thanks! Some kids from toddlerupwards i find fun/cute sometimes though, depends on the kid tbh.
I always said I would never have any and the thought of being pregnant made me want to claw my insides out. The idea of having a baby of my own makes me feel freaked out and cringey and I feel like it'd be a nightmare.

HOWEVER my oh has wanted them for ages and when i imagine a kid of his I feel like they would be adorable and the kind of person the world could do with more of. I just cannot reconcile my feelings toward 'my' kid being something that sounds awful, and 'his' kid as being....far less awful and actually probably kind of awesome? I feel like this is probably also linked to my strong preference for a boy as I feel like theyd struggle far less in life with my genetic makeup than a girl would. The thought of having a girl makes me feel massively uncomfortable and unhappy for this reason.

Ive read lots of threads about people not feeling broody or maternal and threads about gender preference but nothing like this. Please help me understand and get past it!

@curiouscat1987 one thing I will say is your own children don't annoy or repulse you like others do lol I wasn't quite as against having children as you seem to be but I do find other children annoying but I have 2 DC of my own I find them nothing short of adorable and hilarious (when I may have found them irritating had they been someone else's if that makes sense 😂)

Don't do it.

Unless you, yourself, the person who will be carrying and birthing the baby, and who will be their emotional and physical number one, is 100% certain it's what you want.

@Coronaaapetite

Don't do it.

Unless you, yourself, the person who will be carrying and birthing the baby, and who will be their emotional and physical number one, is 100% certain it's what you want.

Thanks for your thoughts!

I'm curious to know why you think that the mother must inevitably be a baby's emotional and physical number one? In my (admittedly fairly limited) experience, people tend to get on better or feel closer to one parent over the other, and which parent this is isn't set in stone. For example, I always had a much better relationship with my dad, although they approached child rearing as 50:50. My mum certainly wasn't 'my physical and emotional number one' at any point in my life.

I also understood from reading and speaking to other people about their experiences that it's pretty rare to be 100% certain that it's what you want, and that most people have some doubts at some stage, even if it's just a temporary wobble or worry over whether you're doing the right thing or how you'll cope as a parent. I really don't think it's so black and white for most people, but perhaps I'm wrong!

Mmm must say I agree with what @Coronaaapetite said, children are a full time emotional commitment and I do feel more so for mums than dads. The mum/child bond is very important especially early on, I wouldn't under estimate the pressure that can put in you as a mum with a little one so if there are doubts this will be even harder.
However saying that I'm sure you'd love your own child dearly
Ps I'm not a baby person either and would never want to hug a colleagues baby but I'm on my second pregnancy and have found I love being a mum to my child just don't find I have feelings for others children 🤭 xx

The only child I find cute is my nephew and I’m sure that’s because he’s a blood relative and sort of looks like me and my family.

I’m the same when people bring their babies into work, I’m not anti kids at all but I just feel a bit indifferent and just say ‘aww aren’t they cute’ etc to be polite.

I wasn’t broody and was worried I would never want children, but as time has gone on me and my husband have been feeling like we’re ready and like there’s something missing with just the two of us in the house. We feel like we would really love our own baby and often think about all the places we would take it, what it might be interested in and what it might look like.

So this year we started trying and now I’m pregnant! A few friends of mine were never broody baby people either, but once they had their kids they just love and adore them. I think it’s different when it’s your own!